Between Love and War
by Li'l Yahiko
Summary: A war is on the horizon, and all the men have been drafted to a training camp. Kenshin may be forced to return to his old self, but Kaoru's not going to stand for that, even if she has to pretend she's a man. KK Limey SM YT. Rated M for safety.
1. Prologue: She Shouldn't Have Been Crying

_**Between Love and War**_

(Disclaimed)

Prologue: She Shouldn't Have Been Crying

She shouldn't have been crying. One day, these things were going to come up, and one day, he would be called forth to take care of them. All of them would. One day, she would have to stand idly by and watch them walk out her front gate, bags in hand.

She shouldn't have been crying. She knew that he would go at the first sign of danger. He was the type of man who had to protect what he cared about, including her, and that sometimes meant leaving her. He had done it before when he left to face the dark character in Kyoto.

She shouldn't have been crying. They were no more than friends, or family perhaps, and these things happened. People grow up and grow apart. The rurouni was thirty-three, the rooster was twenty-four, and even the pickpocket was fifteen. She herself was twenty-three, an adult woman who could easily take care of herself, even though she was all alone.

She shouldn't have been crying. The lady doctor was leaving to help those who would be far away, and that would make it more likely that her boys would be all right. Besides, all that was taking place was for the good of the world, and they'd always come back safe and sound every time before. She would surely see her smiling rurouni, laughing kitsune doctor, and arguing rooster and pick-pocket before she knew it! It was so silly to be sad.

She shouldn't have been crying…

…but she was.


	2. One: Exodus of a Vagabond

Chapter 1: Exodus of a Vagabond

It was spring. The cherry blossoms had bloomed, spreading their bright pink buds among the limbs of trees, its rosy petals dancing through the wind. The smell of grass and flowers, that sweet, warm smell, warned of summer approaching soon. The sky was a bright, cheery blue without a single fluffy cloud to pierce it. The sounds of bugs were slight, and children were often heard playing out in the sun. A light breeze would slip through often, making it all absolutely perfect.

The day was paradoxical to what was going to take place. A thousand rainstorms couldn't be a good enough example to prove what sorrow she would feel.

It had all started a little afternoon, since the 'family' of Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi (who was visiting her dear Ken-san), Ayame, Suzume, Dr. Gensai, and of course, her dearest Kenshin had all eaten lunch. Megumi had gone out into town with Sanosuke for some odd reason while Gensai and his two granddaughters had retreated back to their home. Kenshin and Yahiko were in the training room, where the rurouni was trying to help the pick-pocket with his technique.

Kaoru herself was sweeping the path, since her student was busy, and that meant she had nothing better to do, when the man that she respected and admired arrived and made her hate him, not for him, but for the message he brought.

Yamagata Aritomo caught her eye as he approached. He was smiling under his mustache, but the usual exultant glimmer within his eyes was absent.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, dropping her broom and bowing. "Yamagata-sama!"

"Good afternoon, Kaoru-san," He said promptly. "It's very nice to see you again."

"What brings you here, Yamagata-sama?"

"I've come to speak with Himura-san and Yahiko-san if he is in," He replied.

"Oh, they're-" She began.

"Just finishing up," A voice replied, making her jump.

She turned around to find a tired out Yahiko that was dragging along, and a sweaty Kenshin who was looking… rather attractive. She blushed.

"Kenshin," She muttered.

"Sessha is sorry he is not presentable," Kenshin said, bowing to Yamagata.

"It doesn't matter, Himura-san," Yamagata assured, holding up his hand in pardon. "I need to speak to the both of you."

"What's the matter, Yamagata-sama?" Kenshin asked. "You need to speak with sessha?"

"Me too?" Yahiko asked, sounding pleased to actually be acknowledged for something. "What for?"

"It's a very serious issue, I'm afraid," Yamagata responded gravely.

Yahiko seemed interested, but Kenshin's face did nothing more but become emotionless. His eyes gave the impression that he was staring far beyond the one he was speaking with, probably thinking of who ELSE could possibly be out to get him… or even worse, someone else. Then, proving that he was indeed still with them, he said, "Let us continue this discussion inside. Kaoru-dono, if you would please make us some tea."

She nodded, bowed, and headed off for the kitchen area, steaming with anger. That was Kenshin's way of getting her to stay out of their business. She believed that she had the right to know too! Oh well… At least he was polite about it, unlike Yahiko, who would probably have told her that it was men business and to go away, which she would then reply with a comment about him being a little boy, which would thus result in a brawl that would embarrass Kenshin, not to mention herself, in front of Yamagata.

She stepped inside and began gathering up her ingredients, all the while wondering just what Yamagata needed to tell him. If it had just been Kenshin, she would have figured it was just another lunatic out to get revenge on the Battousai. It had been that way with Jin'e and with Shishio as well… but the fact of the matter was that he also wanted to speak with Yahiko, and this left her in concern.

She sat down at the empty table, waiting for the tea to finish. It had to be something serious… Kenshin was aware of it, but Yahiko seemed excited to be included. He truly was a little boy.

She folded her hands together and placed her chin on top of them. As she tried to figure out who would be after Kenshin, she then realized how _little_ she knew about him. He did things that always made her feel like they were the closest of friends (and upon certain wishes and dreams, closer than that), but in the end she didn't know just how many enemies he had, who his allies were, or anything. She knew what foods he liked, what chores he did, swordsman style, and reason for being rurouni, but all of the really, really important stuff was missing.

Then again, she supposed that it all depended on one's opinion of importance.

The tea was ready. She hurried to her feet and grabbed it off the fire, then poured three glasses. None for her. She felt like a servant girl.

Of course, she decided not to be angry, for bringing in the tea would give the possibility that she could listen in on the conversation.

She padded down the hall with the tray of tea in her hands, being careful as not to spill it on her kimono. Kenshin had bought it for her birthday, and it was the prettiest royal blue with gold flower print along the shoulder and low hem. She loved it so dearly and tried to wear it as often as possible to prove how much she appreciated it.

She slid open the door to the room Kenshin had taken his guest and Yahiko and peeked in; they were discussing something quite serious.

"You must understand that we need you now, Himura," Yamagata said. She was glad they hadn't noticed her yet.

Kenshin didn't say a word, staring into his lap. The focused look on his face concerned her, but she became frightened when she saw how pale and horrified Yahiko looked. What was going on!

"There is no other option. The outbreaks in Kyoto have become too unruly for the police, and they're headed in the direction of Tokyo… They plan to start… a war…"

She gasped, and then bit her lip, hoping she hadn't been heard.

She hadn't. They were too absorbed in the conversation.

Kenshin's fists gripped the cloth of his pants. "How many?"

"Approximately three thousand in Kyoto now. We don't know how many there are hidden away though."

"H-how major a threat are they?" Yahiko choked, trembling slightly.

"Well, they're all following Shishio Makoto's logic… and according to the police, each one is as strong as him or at least one of his men."

"What are you planning to do?" Kenshin asked, barely above a whisper. "You think sessha can fight three thousand men like him alone?"

"No. That's why I supposed that while I was here, I would speak with Yahiko here. I know he's fifteen now, and therefore a man."

Yahiko looked into his eyes, unable to speak.

"It has been confirmed. We must prepare in case war does break out. All men are being…" He fumbled his hands over each other, obviously regretting what he was having to tell the boy. "-b-being… drafted…"

The tray fell from her hands, and the glasses crashed to the floor. All the men looked in the direction of the door. She covered her mouth with her hands, mortified.

A draft… All the men were going to… war…

She ran off down the hall as quickly as she could, considering the binding of the kimono around her legs.

"Kaoru-dono!" Kenshin's voice cried from down the hall.

She rushed out the door, slipping on her sandals, and rushing towards the gate. "No, no, no, no, no…" She whispered, running in the direction of the woods. She wasn't quite positive of where she was going, but the only thought running through her head was… _A draft…All men are being drafted…_She knew what that meant. Kenshin, Yahiko, Sanosuke… all of them would be taken from her, and she'd be left alone, waiting for them.

She collapsed from exhaustion, laying on the ground, and she burst into tears. She didn't even care that she had dirt on her beautiful kimono. It was her family that mattered now. She didn't want to spend day to day just worrying about them.

It was then that she realized, rising up from the ground and staring at her surroundings. This was the place… This was where Kenshin had left her before. She wailed out another sob, not wanting to think of the irony.

She wept for a long period of time, and then settled down, sniffling. The chirping of the birds angered her. They were too happy.

She sat, her face in her knees, shivering. Then, scaring her, a heavy palm rested against her back.

Kaoru gasped, raising her head and glancing over her shoulder. "Kenshin…" She whispered, tears welling up in her eyes again.

"Sessha has something important to discuss with you," He said, staring solemnly into her eyes.

"Please…" She whispered. _Don't say it… Don't say goodbye…_ Her thoughts finished for her.

He sighed rather dejectedly and helped her to her feet. They were standing across from one another, staring into each other's eyes, and the wind was the only thing that made a sound.

She could hear the thumping of her heart in her ears. It was driving her insane. Half of her wished he'd just get it over with. The other half was dreading what he was going to say.

"As you know…" He finally began. "Sessha had a discussion with Yamagata-sama… Sessha is not sure just how much Kaoru-dono heard, but he's going to explain… There are men in Kyoto planning to bring war upon Tokyo and possible the entirety of Japan. They're drafting all of the men into training camps so we can stand a chance… All of these men are dangerous, each of them at least as strong as Shishio's men…Yamagata-sama has insisted that sessha help lead the army, one of the right hand men to the leader, you see… and sessha… cannot deny helping to stop what is happening… He must go. Even if he did not take the job as a right-hand man, he is still an able bodied man, you must understand."

"I… I see," Kaoru choked, and then managed a smile. "So, how long will it be?"

"Sessha does not know. Nobody knows these things until they happen, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said solemnly.

"Yeah, but when the war is over… if there even is one… you'll tell me everything when you get back, right?"

He stared at her for a moment. "Sessha… might not be coming back."

Her entire body froze over. She'd heard what he'd said, but she didn't want to believe it. She couldn't. He wouldn't… come back!

"It took all of sessha's skill and strength to keep himself under control in the battle against Shishio… and now, sessha will have to be facing many of them… and he may be forced to flip his blade to defend Japan… Kaoru-dono… If sessha becomes Battousai, returns to hitokiri, he will not be able to face Kaoru-dono again. He will be too afraid of what he might do…"

"-but… you… what… about… what about… that is… I…" She whispered, beyond words. Her breathing had become heavy, and she could feel hot tears stinging at the edge of her indigo eyes. She looked around idly, hand over her heart. This couldn't be happening.

"What are you trying to say?" Kenshin asked desperately, afraid and concerned by the reaction. He suspected that she might hate him now.

"What about… Yahiko and Sanosuke?" She managed to say, even though it wasn't the subject really on her mind. "If they… If they see you k-kill… If they watch you slaughter, they'll believe it's okay or something… and they'll only realize too late… and they won't come back either because they'll be ashamed… like you…" She was putting forth every bit of power in her not to cry.

"Kaoru-dono," Kenshin whispered, barely audible.

"Wh-what about me, Kenshin! You… and Yahiko, and Sano… You're all part of my family! If you all go away… I… I'll be alone again… You can't do this… YOU CAN'T TAKE MY FAMILY AWAY FROM ME!" She screamed, and her sorrow slipped down her cheeks. "WHAT ABOUT ME! This sounds so selfish… but what about MY NEEDS! I NEED MY FAMILY, KENSHIN!" She was shaking now. "I… I can't let you do that… I can't… let you… WHY!" She threw herself into his arms, sobbing into his chest.

Kenshin lowered his face into her long, luxurious locks of raven hair. They smelled of the sweetest of lilacs, a pure spring scent, an aroma that was purely Kaoru and locked along in his memory of her.

"You can't… You can't leave me here…" She wept. "You can't leave me here all alone…

The words stabbed him. She definitely hated him.

"You always, _always_ do this…" She whispered. "Why do you even come back at all…?" She knew that he only came back because she dragged him back, but she wasn't thinking straight at the moment anyways.

He lowered his face more deeply into her hair, and closed his eyes. The top of her beautiful tresses then began to dampen. "Forgive me…" He said. Her eyes flew open, but when she turned to look up at him, he had released her and started on his way back to the dojo.

She stared at his back, unable to move.

_"Forgive me…"_


	3. Two: A Grown Up Child

Chapter 2: A Grown-Up Child

Dinner was silent. Only the clanking of bowls being lifted or set down echoed through the still, weighted air. Nobody looked at each other. Nobody even listened. Who would want to? They all knew what would be said if words were spoken. Even Sanosuke, the usually talkative one was silent. He had apparently been informed also of tomorrow's events.

Each bowl slammed to the table at the same time, and that was the signal that dinner was done. Yahiko stood and headed towards his room while Sano headed out the back to go home. Kaoru began gathering dishes, stacking the bowls on top of each other, each letting out a small clink noise as the porcelain clacked together.

She glanced up to reach for Kenshin's bowl only to realize… he was still sitting there. His head was down, his bangs hanging over his eyes. It was as if he was asleep almost, completely silent, not looking at her, not moving at all. She stared at him for a few moments, afraid to move.

The air was calling for a voice to break the silent. It was becoming heavier and heavier, thicker and thicker. Her heart began pounding, and she chewed on her lower lip. What could she say? The only discussion she could mention was…

Then, he stood, surprising her so badly that she fell over and knocked one of the bowls off the table. It crashed to the floor like the tea glasses earlier.

"NO!" She yelled, even though it wasn't a big a deal as she was making it. She believed it was necessary to take the tension of the day out on something.

"Oh!" Kenshin said in surprise, dropping down next to her. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," She muttered, picking up a few pieces of it at a time. "AH!" She screamed as a sharp piece sliced across her palm. "DAMN IT! SHIT! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!"

Kenshin finally looked at her, shocked by her vulgar language. "Maa, Kaoru-dono," He said softly.

She dropped the pieces of porcelain to the floor and held her hand tenderly. "Oh… If anything can go wrong…"

Kenshin kneeled down next her and placed his hands against hers. "Maa…"

She hung her head, and silence filled the room again for a moment.

"I…" She whispered. "I'm sorry…"

"You shouldn't blame yourself. It was just an accident, and it was sessha's fault-"

"No… I… I'm sorry that I yelled at you… I just…"

"Sessha understands," Kenshin replied, pulling a handkerchief from his shirt and wrapping it around her hand. "He only wishes for Kaoru-dono's happiness… but sadly, he cannot be perfect, you see."

"That makes me feel a little better, I guess… but…" She then looked into his eyes, blushing ever so slightly. How could the bumbling rurouni even know how she felt? The pain of leaving couldn't be as bad. She loved him. God, how she loved him.

She had realized that her feelings were deeper than a childhood crush a few years ago. This man was a hero who saved her when she couldn't save herself, he helped her around the house, he treated her kindly, and God, how he was beautiful. She'd had dreams about him, some a bit too graphic to talk about (even though she was entirely naïve to the field of sex). Yet, he walked around from day to day, smiling like a child, completely oblivious to the way she felt, the fleeting thoughts she had, the way she whispered his name in her sleep.

"You're…" She said, blushing deeply. "You're still holding my hands."

"ORO!" Kenshin exclaimed, removing his hands. He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "Sessha is very forgetful with things."

That was a dumb excuse. He was thirty-three, yes, but the man was far from forgetting anything ever. He could bring things up from years ago when in an argument that would freeze them in spot, not remembering until it was mentioned.

"Yes," She responded, playing along. "I… I suppose we should… go to bed…"

"Oro?" He asked, his eyes widening, cheeks flushing.

"Ah, what?" She asked innocently, knowing how he had misconstrued what she had said. It wouldn't have bothered her one bit if he had scooped her into his arms, carried her into the back, and made sweet love to her all night long, but she was completely aware that that would never EVER happen.

"Nothing," Kenshin said, standing. "Sleep well, Kaoru-dono…"

She stood too and watched until he reached the door. "Kenshin-"

He turned to look at her. "Yes?"

"I… I…" She muttered.

"Kaoru-dono-"

"I'm just… going to miss you… a-all of you so much…" She choked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Maa, Kaoru-dono," He said, walking back towards her and giving her a hug. "Dry your tears. Beautiful women should never cry."

She sniffled. "Okay…" He thought she was beautiful at least. It was a start… and a finish, most likely. It would never happen.

As she lay within his arms, she let in his sweet aroma. He smelled like fire soot, laundry soap, and the end of the day. It was a scent of windblown wanderings, the past, and atonement. The odor was warm and comforting, and for a moment, she forgot everything. Of course, he was always that way. He made her feel safe.

"You go on to bed, Kaoru-dono. Sessha will clean up this mess," Kenshin said, releasing her. She didn't say anything and did as told.

She could hear him tidying up as she walked down the hall. She held her wrapped hand close to her heart and wondered if that was the last time he would hold her hands. It wasn't a pleasant thought.

-

Kaoru awoke in the tranquil coolness of dawn. Everyone was still sleeping except for her, she figured. She rose and stretched, padding across the wooden floor and shivering. When she opened her back door and walked out onto the porch, she sighed, holding her yukata together with her bandaged hand.

The sun was a mere sliver on the horizon, and most of the world was still dark. The thin blades of grass glinted with drops of dew, making it seem like the yard was full of pixies. She stared out into the yard, leaning against a support beam.

A few stars were still glimmering in the sky. She watched them blinking at her and sighed. "What do I do now?… Mother, Father… I don't know…"

"You don't seem like the type to talk to yourself, but then again…"

She turned in the direction of the voice. "M-Megumi!"

"The one and only," She replied proudly, giving her oh-so-original 'o-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho' laugh, the small kitsune ears popping out on the top of her head.

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here, Megumi? It's so early."

"I actually came to see you. What luck for me that you got up early too," Megumi responded, walking up onto the porch.

"What do you want me for?" She asked.

"I wanted to check and make sure you'd be all right all on your own. I couldn't sleep because I was worried about you."

Kaoru's eyes widened. "You… worried about me?"

"You don't have to be so surprised," Megumi scolded, putting her hands on her hips. "I would be upset too if I didn't get to see Ken-san everyday and had the possibility of never seeing him again."

"-but… You don't!" Kaoru responded. "You have to stay here just like I do!"

Megumi placed a hand on Kaoru's shoulder and sighed, obviously regretting what she was about to stay. "Actually…"

Kaoru didn't like the way this was going.

"Actually," Megumi repeated. "I have to go with them. They asked me to be the doctor for the men at the training camp."

The words hit Kaoru like a million stabbing knives. Everyone… They were all leaving her behind, leaving her all by herself. Immediately she burst into tears. Any veneer of being a "strong girl" seemed entirely inane at this point. After all, who was going to be around to care if she was crying like a little girl or fighting off the demons of hell!

"Did I do something to deserve this desertion!" She exclaimed, trembling.

Megumi gave her a solemn but stern look and brushed one of her tears away with her thumb. "You aren't a little girl anymore. You can make decisions and be on your own."

"-but…" She sobbed, leaning into Megumi's hand and shutting her eyes. "… I mean, I can. I know I can… BUT I DON'T WANT TO!"

"Kaoru, you can't change the things that happen just because they don't go your way!" Megumi yelled, forcing her face up so that she'd look into her eyes. "Don't act like a spoiled princess! It's not as bad as you make it out to be!"

"WHAT ISN'T! The fact that my entire family is going away and might not ever be coming back! That Kenshin might become hitokiri again and be too ashamed to return! YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND, MEGUMI! YOU GET TO SEE HIM EVERY DAY!"

Megumi smacked her. "You were getting hysterical…" She said calmly. "Settle down and act like an adult. Only you can fix your problems, and throwing a tantrum is not the way to do it."

Kaoru held her face, sniffling, and refusing to look at her.

"Ken-san would never fall in love with a spoiled little girl like you."

The words stabbed her. She dropped to her knees and sat there, unable to say or do anything.

"You…" She finally managed to say after a few moments. "You came t-to make sure I was all right… You're doing a hell of a job, aren't you…?"

Megumi didn't respond.

"Get off my property," Kaoru whispered, hiding her red eyes beneath the fringe of her hair.

Megumi left.

-

Breakfast was as silent and uncomfortable as dinner was. Kaoru was the only one watching any of them, and they were all too busy concentrating on their food to look at her.

Yahiko had paled considerably, and he ate in small bites. His eyes were red and puffy when he had arrived at the table that morning. He was terrified.

Sano had a look of deep thought on his face, the look he got when he was about to face a tough opponent. He sighed through his nose quite a lot and piled his mouth full of food just in case somebody decided to ask him something. For once, he wasn't in the mood to talk.

Kenshin ate his food the way he always did, but there was an aura around him that made her feel cold inside and out. His eyes were hidden under his long orange strands of hair, so she couldn't read him at all.

She herself couldn't even eat. It didn't matter. No one had the guts to look up and say anything about it.

The door was open to let in the warm spring air. It was another perfect day. A visual irony, she thought. It would look more correct with a gloomy, crying sky. That was how she felt.

While the boys ate and she sat there, Megumi's words looped in her head. A spoiled princess… a girl Kenshin would never fall in love with… She was indeed a little horror of a woman. She couldn't believe herself! Twenty-three years old, and she was screaming and yelling and crying over a matter that couldn't be fixed. Even Yahiko was more mature.

It seemed the men had gotten into the habit of finishing their meals at the exact same time. They all placed their bowls on the table, but none of them moved. She knew that this was one of the final moments they could converse before the somber goodbyes they would have to exchange in a mere couple of hours.

She desperately wanted to say something, but anything she could say seemed so trivial and meaningless now. It was hard to believe that anyone would really be listening anyways.

Yahiko took the time to look out at the scenic view behind him, entranced, and hummed a tune of poignant, forlorn departure. It tore at her heartstrings, and she did all she could not to listen.

Sano and Kenshin had not moved at all.

The scene grew sullen, heavy with the unexpressed emotions all around her, and she felt as if she was being pushed to the floor with it all. Hell itself was a warmer, happier place. Much more of this, and she would have to kill herself to escape the pain and torment.

A light breeze slipped in, and she felt it hit her face. Her cheeks were cold, wet… It was incredible she could start crying so silently and so suddenly that not even she herself could notice it. She stood and left, and no one even glimpsed. Who had to? They all knew.


	4. Three: The Masqueraded

Chapter 3: The Masqueraded

There they were. The moment had finally arrived, and she couldn't believe it.

Kenshin stood with Yahiko next to him. Sano was standing behind them along with Megumi. Yahiko's eyes were downcast. Sanosuke and Megumi were mumbling to each other, most likely about the dreadful subject.

Then… There was him. Kenshin was staring right at her, a pained look on his face. "Maa… Kaoru-dono," He said, barely above a whisper, though it didn't have his soothing smile along with it this time. "Sessha… He…"

Yahiko sniffled, not looking up. He really was no man by standards, but by Kaoru's thoughts, he had been the very bravest of all of them.

"Kenshin…" Kaoru said, stepping in front of him. "I…"

They stared each other down for a few moments, and finally, she just threw her arms around him and whimpered, "Say… Sayonara… Kenshin…"

"Say… Sayonara… Kaoru-dono… Sessha… will miss you."

"Hey," Yahiko said, and she turned towards him. He gave her a light squeeze, not looking at her, and not smiling. "While were gone, perfect that cooking technique of yours so we won't be poisoned when we get back, busu."

Normally, a comment like that would have sent her into a screaming fit of rage, but the tone of his voice seemed so lost and confused, and if anything, he was trying to make himself feel better.

"Yeah, Jou-chan! We want a fantastic feast when we return, and it's up to you," Sanosuke said, giving her a kind smile, the sort that he hardly ever wore, if ever.

She hung her head. "Good luck… to all of you… May your journeys be safe and short…" She looked in Kenshin's direction. "…and may you all come back unharmed…"

"Domo Arigatou… Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said. "Sayonara."

"Sayonara," Sanosuke, Megumi, and Yahiko all said in a low-toned, solemn unison.

"Sayo…nara…." She whispered as they exited the dojo's gate, quite possibly… for the last time.

She stood there, watching them fade farther into the distance as they headed for Tokyo. There in the town would all the men meet and be given their orders, then be swept away from their loved ones, maybe forever.

She dropped to her knees and silently sobbed, staring at their small forms as they finally disappeared. What she wouldn't give to hear Yahiko say "fooled you!" and have all of them run back towards her, laughing, while Kenshin scooped her up in his arms and explained how he'd tried to stop them.

A dim-witted thought, she believed. Her friends wouldn't stoop that low. She stared at the hand that Kenshin had held so gently with his callused fingers and wrapped so tenderly with not only his handkerchief, but his love. She shut her eyes in desperation and ripped it off. It hurt too much to look at.

"What do I do, Mother and Father?" She whimpered. "I can't let this go on… I know I'm a spoiled little girl, but I'm not asking much… I just want to make sure that my family is okay…"

She could hear policemen on horses riding down the streets, telling the men to start gathering their belongings. All must be in the town square within the hour or they would be dragged from their homes.

"Why couldn't I have been born a boy…?" She whispered, sitting and hugging her knees, burying her face within them.

Moments later, she rose her head, eyes wide with resolve. Her mind was spinning with the idea. Surely, it was crazy but… Well, at this point, no one was there to care if she lost her mind. Besides, it could work. Crazier plans had to have worked, right?

Standing and bolting into the dojo, she started rolling it over in her mind. She would disguise herself as a man and join the war, and then she'd be able to protect her family and keep Kenshin as the bumbling rurouni he had always been! She wouldn't have to spend her life alone! Surely she had to make some sacrifices, but no sacrifice was greater than her family! Either way, it was worth a shot, and what could they do if they found out?

She slammed the door of her father and mother's room open, a room that hadn't been used since they died. She knew that there had to be the clothing she would need in there.

She dug through the drawers, only to find that some were eaten up by moths, and the rest were grimy and dusty. Grimacing, she grabbed the garments that seemed to have the least filth on them and tossed them into the washing bin. She'd let them soak for a few minutes while she continued with her ensemble. After all, she only had an hour.

Bursting into her kitchen area, she found the first aid kit and began looking for anything she could use. In the end, she removed a roll of cloth bandages. They would be handy, definitely. She placed the roll around her wrist as to not lose it and turned towards the mirror.

No, she wasn't ready to do that yet, she decided, and then headed out to wash her 'new clothes'.

The clothing was still nasty, but with much effort and several minutes of scrubbing, she managed to make them clean and perfect, hanging the black hakama and light blue gi out on the line. Luckily it was a warm day, and they hopefully wouldn't take long to dry.

Standing inside, she looked deep into her mirror, trembling slightly. It was now or never. She entered the kitchen once more, but this time, she lifted up the sharpest knife that she owned. It was used to cut vegetables and meat, but she often found Kenshin sharpening it, probably lost in the days of the revolution.

She stood in front of the mirror and lifted her ponytail up a ways. "Everyone will recognize me… if I keep this…" She muttered, shutting her eyes tight and swiping it through.

As her saddphire eyes fluttered open, and her hand loosened its grip, she watched as long, perfect strands floated to the floor. She shut her eyes, trying not to think about itand nipped off the two chunks that hung in front of her ears. As she opened her eyes and slowly came to acceptance about the beautiful tresses were at her feet, her eyes welled up with tears.

Hair wasn't too important, and compared to losing her family, it was quite trivial, but… It was her mother's most prized possession. She'd grown it out because her mother loved nothing more than to brush it, to run her fingers through it, to put it in all different styles. Even though she was gone, it still broke her heart.

"Please forgive me," She said. "I can no longer be selfish."

Looking into the mirror, she saw before her, not a lovely young woman, but a boy. Her hair was short and somewhat messy, and was an easy foolery. She hardly even recognized herself for a moment. Funny how a hair cut could completely change a person.

She walked out onto the porch and stared at the clothing. It wouldn't be long before they were dry.

Busying herself with a bit of clean-up was enough time to get them to dry. She only had ten minutes left before she needed to be there.

She dropped her clothing, obi, kimono, and all until she was standing with nothing covered except for her place. She unwound the cloth bandages and slowly and accurately began to wind them around her breasts, flattening them to pull off the part of a man. It was tedious and uncomfortable, but it had to be done should her costume be pulled off correctly. She did it as quickly as possible and managed to finish with seven minutes left.

She quickly threw on the clothing, slipped on some socks, and put on her father's shoes. It was now time for this woman to become a man.

Grabbing her small pack of essentials, she took off in the direction of the town. "I'll be strong, Mom and Dad… I promise I won't let you down or dishonor you… I… promise…"

-and thus, Kamiya Kaoru was missing in action.

-

As she arrived in town, right on time, she saw many gathered around in a crowd. Some women were screaming as they were pulled away from their beloved husbands, brothers, or sons. It was depressing, and she couldn't say that she hadn't been in the same boat an hour ago. Right now though, she couldn't help but beam with pride. She'd managed to do the impossible and become someone else within an hour's time. How good was she!

It was only as she entered the crowd and found herself surrounded in the sea of males that she began to feel like the black sheep. They all seemed so much taller, more muscular, more… manly. Maybe her disguise wasn't so good after all.

What if she was more obvious than she thought? They'd surely make her stay behind, and her family would never let her live it down… that is, if they even came back.

"No, no, I can't think of those things," She told herself. "I can do this… I can do this…. I can-"

BAM! Her face collided with something as strong and as hard as a rock. She rammed into it so fast that the force dropped her onto her bottom. "Ow…" She muttered.

"Little brat! Go back to your mommy!" A gruff voice yelled.

She looked up to see a man that had to be at least a foot taller than her and twice as wide because of his muscle. His eyes were steely and sinister, and his matted black hair made him look like a wild man, straight from the woods. He was quite far from attractive (though she couldn't say she hadn't seen worse), making her wince a little.

The crowd around him was laughing.

"What, did you get lost in the crowd, little boy?" He mocked.

She smirked proudly. It wasn't as if she hadn't dealt with muscle-heads like this before, and besides… he'd called her a little boy! Normally, that would've been an insult to men, but she wasn't, but she WAS passing herself off as one!

"I'm here…" She said, then coughed, lowering her voice. "I'm here because I was told to be by the government."

"Poor little boy had to be forced into it, eh? I came all the way from Kyoto just to take part!" The muscle-head laughed proudly, and his group of equally muscular and equally ugly men joined in.

"Woopty-frickin-ding-dong," She said, rolling her eyes. "So you like to show off your muscles. So what? I bet…" She realized that to be passed off as a man, she had to act tough and show her stamina, like Sanosuke. This was the way men became friends! "I bet you still have to pay for your women, and even then they'd rather go with a cheaper customer than suffer through those two seconds."

"OOH!" The men behind her chanted, obviously listening in. The muscle-head didn't look pleased. She crossed her arms and smirked even more widely.

"You little horror. You want me to take this blade and kill you!" He threatened.

"Nah, just looking at you is doing it for me," Kaoru said, not losing her confidence.

"You think you're so tough because you talk trash-"

"-and you-" She interrupted, "think you're so tough because your arms are the size of cannons. Who cares? In the end, I bet the smallest, skinniest guy of the bunch can out-drink you, you wuss."

The man grabbed her by the front of her shirt and lifted her into the air. "You got something to say to me? Then say it to my face!"

"Then put me down, turn around, and bend over," She responded, squinting at him with the toughest look she could muster. This was easy. Trash talking was simple.

The man threw her to the ground, and she yelped out when her back collided with the hard earth.

"It's too bad you don't have a weapon, eh, little boy?" The man said, drawing his blade. "Not that you could put up a fight against me."

She was unable to speak, terrified. Maybe she needed to do some more research on trash talking. This was apparently NOT how men made friends.

"Not talking so tough now, are you boy?" The man smirked, enjoying her paling face. "You shouldn't act like that. Jeez…" He kicked her a bit. "You're a skinny little stick. Plus you have that washed and prettied hair and pale skin tone. Why don't you just put on a kimono and call yourself a WENCH!"

It was better not to say anything about her being in a kimono an hour ago with even longer prettied hair and without dirt on her face. She was a girl… but she was no wench.

"Son of a bitch!" She yelled, getting up, ready to fight him to the death with her hands alone, but her wrists were grabbed, holding her back.

"That's enough… both of you…" A familiar voice said in her ear.

"Look at that, boys. He's even got manicured nails," The man joked.

"I said…" The voice said, more threateningly. "That's… enough."

The crowd silenced for a moment until a wave of whispers erupted from them, all talking about this man.

She slowly turned her head to see, even though she knew who it was.

"You…" One of the men in the crowd said. "You're Himura Battousai!"

"Kenshin," She whispered so quietly that she wasn't even sure if she actually said it or thought really loudly.

He released her wrists and looked into her eyes. "Are you all right?"

"Ye-" She caught herself and lowered her voice. "Yeah."

Kenshin gave a disgusted scowl at the muscle-head. "Go off somewhere and behave yourself or something."

The man glared at him and marched off, his little cronies following.

"You shouldn't get into fights like that. It's the worst thing to do, make enemies with the ones who will be sleeping in the same place."

"I'm sorry…" She muttered, blushing in humiliation.

"Don't apologize to sessha. You didn't insult him. It's probably best if you don't say anything at all to that man."

"I'd rather not get near him anyways," Kaoru muttered. "Thank you---"

"Himura."

"Is there a first name with that?" Of course she knew it, but she had to pretend.

"It's Kenshin. This one's name is Kenshin, but you'll be referring to me as Himura or sir, understood?"

"Y-yes… sir…" She said, somewhat surprised. Kenshin really didn't seem to be the type to like being called sir, though she had heard people call him Himura or Himura-san before. She only hoped she wouldn't slip up and call him Kenshin for fear of what they might do. Honestly though, it couldn't be too bad.


	5. Four: The Collaborators

Chapter 4: The Collaborators

Kaoru was relieved. So far, so good. Her plan was going fairly smoothly.

"Try to stay out of trouble, kid," Kenshin's voice came softly.

"Kid?" She questioned, turning around and looking into his beautiful face. "Don't call me a kid," She teased. Now she felt like Yahiko, and had he known it was her, he would have been flipping out about how she used to mess with him.

"Compared to someone like sessha, you are a kid," Kenshin said kindly, a bit of chuckle in his voice… and yet… his eyes were so poignant and empty, unlike the way they used to be. He rustled her short hair with his hand and laughed a bit. "You're strong minded. It's a good thing to have, but you'd better keep your place if you don't want to be pummeled."

She blushed and smiled. Hopefully her feelings for him wouldn't give her away. Then again, even some men had to have wanted him. He was gorgeous!

"I'll try to behave," She said, trailing him as he walked away. It was better to stay close to the good people, she decided, as not to be pummeled to death.

Then all too suddenly, the crowd shifted, and she tripped and fell over. When she raised her head, Kenshin seemed to have vanished. "K-Ken--- I mean, Himura, sir?" She asked, looking around fearfully. Even in the gathering, she was beginning to feel incredibly alone.

Speaking of the bunch, every person had hushed to an awed silence. As she got up and dusted herself off, a man passed her, sitting on a white stallion. He was thin with limp brown hair that was pulled up on the top of his head and had a few strands hanging in his eyes. His eyes were a bright lime green, an unusual color in Japan. He dressed in a light green gi that practically hung on his frame and brown hakama. There was a scar across the bridge of his nose and a confident smile across his face. In his belt, there were two swords.

"That's him," One of the men in front of her whispered.

"Who?" She asked, butting in between the two conversing.

"Go away, you little brat!" The man complained, pushing her. In reaction, she bumped into someone else who had about the same response. She was shoved around for a few seconds until one wrong dodge sent her crashing into the street.

"What in the-" A voice said.

As she looked up, she saw the man, struggling to keep his horse from pummeling her.

"Um…" She choked, frozen. "Hello…"

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" The man yelled, swinging back the whip he used to control the horse.

"Ah!" She held up her arm in defense, but it never met with hers.

"Don't mind him, sir!" Another familiar voice said. She opened her eyes, and the first thing they met with was the symbol… Aku. "He's not too bright, you see!"

"Neither are you, but I don't go prancing around and talking about it," The man replied.

"Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sagara Sanosuke, and might I say, it's an HONOR to finally meet you, Shoji-sama."

_Suck up,_ Kaoru thought, rolling her eyes.

"Get your little friend out of my way, Sagara, and make yourself useful."

"Yes, sir, Shoji-sama, sir!" He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the crowd until they were out of sight.

"Ah--- Hey, you're not Yahiko," Sanosuke said, staring at her.

"WHA! Of course not!" She pouted angrily. He wouldn't have helped her had he realized she was not who he thought she was.

"My friend Yahiko got lost from me and Kenshin in the crowd… I thought you were him. My bad," Sano said, smiling.

Poor Yahiko was probably getting bashed and beaten like she was, she betted. Only a short time ago, her clothing had been washed, and now they were dusty with the dirt from the ground.

"You should stay out of trouble, kid," Sanosuke said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'm not a kid!" She yelled. Yes, Yahiko would indeed be having a field day with this one.

"Oh, my bad," Sano said, laughing. "No wonder I mistook you for Yahiko!"

Apparently, she wasn't the only one who noticed.

"So, who was that guy?" She asked, trailing Sano. Kenshin was nicer, but it was better than being alone.

"The one in command of all of us," Sano said, not looking too happy about it. "I hear he's really cruel, but he gets the job done. I worry he's going to be too tough on the little guys like you."

"I CAN TAKE IT!" She exclaimed, hands on her hips.

"You say that, but he led a lot in the revolution. He's slaughtered lots of people, and rumors have it that he enjoyed it."

"Nobody could possibly enjoy killing. Nobody's that bleak," Kaoru said, matter-of-factly. "Besides, Kenshin killed a lot of people too, but he's repenting for what he did!"

"How'd you know that?" Sano asked.

"Ah--" She said. _Damn it! I just got here, and I've blown my cover. I'd better think of something quick!_ "I heard that he was the Battousai. People are always talking about it."

"Heh, yeah, I figured," Sano chuckled. "By the way, have we met before? You look familiar to-"

"NO! NO, WE'VE NEVER MET!" She yelped, waving her hands around nervously, then laughing.

"Hm," Sano said, half-interested. "You need to calm down. You're spazzing out."

"Just… nervous…" She muttered, blushing in embarrassment.

"Yeah, I suppose you feel a little out of place, huh," Sano said.

"You have NO idea," Kaoru responded wearily. It had been a rough day, and it wasn't even lunch time yet.

"Attention! Attention, all of you!" A police officer shouted above the crowd, drawing their attention to him.

The crowd silenced and stared at the officer.

"I can't see anything!" Kaoru whispered fiercely, jumping in an attempt to see over the crowd. Being 5'2" stunk. She hadn't grown an inch since she was eighteen.

Sanosuke grabbed her by the back of her shirt and lifted her into the air. He was snickering at her, but she ignored it.

The police officer was one she had seen before. He had been the one who was after Kenshin way back when and was also the one to inform him about Jin'e. It seemed he was always first in line to do these sorts of things… Maybe it was his job… Maybe he just enjoyed the attention.

"Everyone pay attention now!" He cried. "That's right!"

"Let me take it from here," A man interrupted, placing his hand on the officer's shoulder. It was Shoji. He was a lot taller than she thought he was, probably about Sanosuke's height, a bit shorter perhaps.

"Looks like they're getting down to business," Sano said.

"Yeah," Kaoru whispered back as if speaking would get her into trouble.

"Good day to you all," Shoji said, smiling smugly as seemed to be usual. "It's good to see that we've got a lot of young, strong-looking men here."

Kaoru laughed a little to herself.

"Anyway, let's get directly down to business," Shoji said, clasping his hands together. "Each of you will be leaving as soon as you are finished here. You'll give us the information we need in return for the weapons you'll be receiving."

"Information…?" Kaoru said aloud. "I wonder what he means by that."

"After the information and weapon exchange, you will be filed into one of three groups. This will designate where you will sleep in the temple and what time you'll be working. The teams you are in are each led by one of my right-hand men, and you'd best learn to obey them, should you not want to be killed."

The whole crowd whispered in surprise and worry.

"The first group is led by a dear helper who was glad to pitch in. "

Someone marched up behind Shoji, a smirk on his face. There was a cigarette burning out of the side of his mouth. Kaoru gasped in shock, and Sano growled.

"This, my friends," Shoji said, "is Hajime Saitou."

"Saitou!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"Damn him," Sano glared in direction.

"Do you want to say anything to them, Hajime-san?" Shoji asked.

Saitou removed his cigarette from his mouth and blew smoke in the air, then replaced it. "Hmm… No…" He shrugged, then stepped to the side.

"Cocky as always," Sano muttered.

"Jerk," Kaoru responded. "I'd sure hate to be on his team."

"You and me both, bro," Sano said.

"My next assistant was a bit wary to join us at first, but after some persuasion, he gladly chipped in," Shoji said as if it was some feat of bravery to convince someone to help. Of course, when she saw who it was, she understood why it had been so difficult.

He walked almost silently up behind him, his icy eyes fixated on the crowd as if they were bugs that he could squash without any trouble.

"This is Shinomori Aoshi."

"WHA--!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"This is getting interesting," Sanosuke said, wide eyed.

"Anything from you, Shinomori-san?" Shoji asked.

He stared at the crowd. "Stay out of my way…" was all he said, then stepped next to Saitou, not looking at all happy to see him. Then again, Aoshi was seldom happy to see anyone.

"Then, last, but certainly not least is Himura Battousai."

Kenshin was already standing behind him, and his eyes narrowed in Shoji's direction when he called him 'Battousai'. Apparently, he'd wanted to be called by his true name as to not be an object of fear.

"Go ahead and say something if you wish, Himura Battousai-san," Shoji said.

_Ooh, I hate him!_ Kaoru said to herself about Shoji. How dare he do that to Kenshin!

Kenshin looked out around the crowd, took in a breath of air, and then let it out in a sigh. "We all… must leave today… We must leave behind the ones we care about… leave behind the ones we love… whether it be children, wives, friends, family, or lovers… We must all gather our strength, our courage, and our skills, and let it go… for our country needs us now… It needs us to stand up and fight… to protect the ones we must leave behind…We won't get to see their faces… their eyes… their smiles… We won't get to hear their laughs… their cries… We might even miss things we would never want to… but… as men… we must take up responsibility and leave them… We must stand up for Japan!"

The crowd who had listened in awe for his speech, began cheering wildly.

"Yeah! Tell them, Kenshin!" Sano cheered. "Huh?"

Kaoru sniffled, wiping her tears with her sleeves.

"Are you crying?" Sano asked, a giggle in his voice.

"I-- I can't help it, okay!" She moaned. "What he said was so sad… so true… I know what he means!"

Sano laughed. "Kenshin's really good at making speeches up off the bat…" His laughing faded and was replaced with a solemn smile. "He's pretty torn up about leaving Jou-chan behind though, so I guess I see where he's coming from."

"J-Jou-chan?" Kaoru choked. _ME!_

"Yeah, Kamiya Kaoru. I think Kenshin really likes her if you know what I mean."

"Ah! Hey, don't be stupid!" Kaoru exclaimed, blushing.

Sano burst out laughing again. "Yeah, she's kinda young for him anyways!"

She cast her eyes to the ground. "You can put me down now…"

"Huh?" Sano asked quietly as he set her on her feet.

She shoved her way away from him, deep into the crowd, towards the front. _Too young… Too spoiled of a princess…_The thoughts wouldn't leave her alone. _Was I a fool to come here…? Was I stupid to even think of Kenshin that way?_

"All right! Everyone line up!" Shoji yelled, knocking her out of her stupor.

"Heh?" She asked, flatly as men shoved past her.

Very soon, she was far back in a line of men, staring helplessly at everyone ahead of her.

Glancing to her right, she saw Saitou, Aoshi, and Kenshin. Kenshin was off in his own little world, staring straight ahead of him. She wondered how it would feel to be stared into like that. He looked so intelligent and beyond his years when he got that look, and she found it very attractive… not that there was much that she didn't find so about him.

Truly, a man that perfect couldn't be hers… There couldn't be a woman on earth that deserved that brilliance, that beauty… Of course, Kenshin was more humble of himself than that… Knowing him, he probably thought that he was below any standards because of the death he had caused, the crimes he had committed…

_Kenshin…_Even if it would never happen, she was there to make sure that he would never kill again… No longer did he deserve to suffer that much.

He had protected her for five years… it was time she returned the favor…


	6. Five: What's in a Name

Chapter 5: What's in a Name

The line was dwindling closer to the front, and Kaoru stood, looking straight in front of her. The dangers that might come afoot were slowly settling in. She probably should have thought things through a little more, but she was here, and she was going to do all she could to help.

"Ah… This is taking so long!" The boy behind her moaned in frustration.

She blinked, looking up, then glanced behind her. "Yahiko?"

"Huh?" He looked at her. "Have we met?"

_GAH! I DID IT AGAIN!_ "No! NO!" She said, waving her hand defensively. "I just… thought… it was you."

"Where'd you hear about me?"

"From… uh…" It came to her. "Some girl… let's see, it was… Tsu… Tsuba…"

"Tsubame!" He exclaimed, blushing furiously.

"Yeah, that's the one," Kaoru said, smiling. "She talks about you all the time."

"Why was she talking to a pretty boy like you!"

Yahiko was apparently the jealous type.

"I just err… wash dishes in the back."

"Oh…"

He was also easily convinced.

"Yeah, err… She's always talking about how cute you are. It's really gross how she goes on though. Like I wanna hear about your love life…"

"Don't talk down about Tsubame like that!" Yahiko growled.

"I wasn't! I'm a guy. I don't care about what girls think about other guys," Kaoru replied. She silently applauded herself for pulling off her role so well.

"Well… I suppose that's true," Yahiko shrugged. "Tell me about your girlfriend if it'll make up for it."

"I don't have one," Kaoru said, blushing.

"Liar, no boy who looks like you would be without a girlfriend. You've probably even got a fan club!"

"Who me? Never! What's so special about me?" She giggled nervously.

"You're all pretty like a girl," Yahiko said simply as they moved forward in line.

"I'm no girl!" She yelped.

"I didn't say you were. I just said you were pretty like one."

"Oh… right…" She chewed on her bottom lip. That silent applause became a slap in the face. _I just need to calm down and relax…_

"So, no girlfriend…? SERIOUSLY?"

"Seriously," Kaoru said. "Lay off. I don't get out much, okay?" _Because I'm always at home training you…_

"NEXT!" A man yelled in her ear.

"I'm going, I'm going! Jeez, you don't have to yell," Kaoru said, passing him and walking up to one of the two officers that had placed themselves nearby. One had a pad of paper and a pencil, and the other had many baskets sitting next to him that were long and large and seemed to be packed to the maximum.

"Name."

"E-excuse me?" She asked.

"Name. Tell me your name. What's your name?" The police officer said irately.

"N-n-name?" She stammered. _OH MY GOD! I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! _

"Spit it out!"

"Oh… my name's uh…"

_MUST THINK! I DO SO BADLY UNDER PRESSURE!_

"I'm ah- Ka---"

_I CAN'T GIVE HIM MY REAL NAME! I HAVE TO COME UP WITH ONE! THINK, THINK,** THINK**!_

"KA-HEY!" She yelled, as the man drew back his fist.

"What?"

_Well… Maybe…_

"Kahei… My name is Kahei," She said, taking a deep breath and letting it out. She'd saved herself.

"What's your surname?" He asked.

"EH?" _AGAIN!_

"Spit it out, Ka_hei,_" The man said, mocking her name.

Now that she wasn't panicking, she could think more clearly and quickly jumbled some letters together for a last name. "Kasuhige."

"Kasuhige Kahei, hm?" The man asked. "How old?"

She would never pull off a twenty-three year old boy with her height and voice. "Fifteen."

"What swordsman style have you learned, and how long did you study it for?"

"Ah--" If she told him about Kamiya Kasshin-ryu, she'd be caught for sure. "I err- have never learned any swordsman style. I mainly did housework my whole life."

"Go on," The man said, pushing her over to the next guy.

"Um…" She muttered, unsure of what to do.

The man reached into the basket and removed a katana in a sheath and handed it to her. The weight shocked her. The way Kenshin moved with one of them was starting to become an incredible sight.

"Take it and stand there," He said, pointing.

She followed his finger with her eyes then yelped. They were taking men and putting them in their groups. Only one chance out of three would she be with Kenshin.

"I hope that the Kamiya family was blessed with good luck," She muttered, stepping over to the back of the group, staying far enough away to keep out of trouble.

"Myojin Yahiko," Yahiko said to the man, and Kaoru watched him giving out his information.

"Age?"

"Fifteen, sir."

He spoke so strongly. She smiled warmly. Maybe he wasn't as childish as she was claiming.

"What swordsman style have you learned, and how long did you study it for?"

"I've been studying Kamiya Kasshin-ryu for five years, sir, and I'm proud to say so on behalf of my sensei."

_Those things you say… Sometimes I even forget how you call me busu!_ She thought proudly. _That's my boy!_

"Go on," They said, tossing a sword at him. He caught it and marched over in her direction.

"Yo," He said, throwing the sword over his shoulders and hanging his arms around them.

"Eh-heh…"

"Why were you so nervous?" Yahiko asked.

"N-nervous?"

"Yeah… I mean, you couldn't even remember your name," Yahiko said, smirking at her.

"I…" She blushed. "I'm just new at this… I'm really… no good at…"

"Don't talk down about yourself!" Yahiko yelled.

"H-huh?" She looked up at him.

"You heard me talking about my sensei! She's a girl, but she never gets down about herself, EVER!"

"You really… admire her, don't you…"

"More than anyone," Yahiko said.

_I'll never get mad at him again!_ She said to herself. _Who would've known he's so sweet! I LOVE YOU, YAHIKO!_

"That's really noble of you…" Kaoru said, sparkly eyed. "I'm sure she loves you very much for that nobility!"

"Hah, she hates me for calling her busu," This got a giggle out of him.

"Well, most girls would," Kaoru said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, but she's like my sister. I have to tease her, you know?"

They both waited in silence for a few moments.

"So…" Yahiko said. "Kahei-kun, do you have a family?"

She kept staring ahead of herself.

"Kahei…"

"…"

"KAHEI!"

"AH! Right, that's me!" She yelped, smiling at him. "What?"

"Do you have any family?"

"No… My parents died awhile ago, and I never had any brothers or sisters…" Thank God she actually got to tell the truth for once. All this lying was starting to make her worry that the spirits would be looking down on her and placing bad judgment. "I've kind of been alone since then…"

"I'm sorry," Yahiko said. "Well, I'll try to stick with you so you're not alone now, okay? I mean, we're both some of the youngest here."

"Y-yeah…" She said. "We are…" She really hoped that all this deception wouldn't weigh her down.

"You two!"

"YES, SIR!" They both squeaked, saluting.

"There," The man said, pointing at a line led by…

"S… Saitou…" Kaoru whispered. "Not him… no… I wanted to be with…"

"WHA! I don't want to be part of his team!" Yahiko yelled.

"Well, that's too bad, isn't it," The man responded. "Both of you little parasites get over there."

Kaoru dragged along with Yahiko trailing behind her.

"This sucks," She said.

"I agree."

Kenshin glanced at them from his lead in his line. Kaoru looked up into his eyes, then down, then up again. They watched each other for a moment, then he turned back to his line and began commanding them on what to do.

She stared after him for a few moments, clutching her fist to her heart.

"All right," Saitou said, passing down the line. "You can all get ready to go now. Move out."

"Where?" Kaoru asked.

"Well, if you knew, I wouldn't have to lead you, now would I?" Saitou said irritably, raising his eyebrows. "Move out."

Like children, they trailed behind Saitou in a silent game of follow the leader.

All of the men were placed in a wooden cart full of hay and told to keep low. The stacks piled on the sides with empty places at the bottom, so it wasn't very hard. The only problem was with the crowding.

Kaoru was almost sitting on top of Yahiko, but in the bundled heap of males, she found that Sanosuke was part of their group as well and looking all but happy about it.

"Sano!" Yahiko called.

"Yahiko!" He responded, crawling over some of the guys and laying across the two of them. "How's it going? I see you two soul mates found each other."

"Shut up, Sano," Kaoru muttered, glaring. "That's not funny."

Sanosuke laughed, but soon after his look became sour. "Damn… of all the people to be ordered around by… Somebody planned this, I tell you. It's a government conspiracy."

"He doesn't trust anything from the government," Yahiko whispered to her.

"I know."

"How?"

"Uh…"

Sano looked up at her.

"The… The sign! Yeah, the sign on his back. All the Sekiho-tai had to wear it. They would have good reason not to like the government."

"ALL OF YOU WILL BE SILENT!" A police officer said, piling hay up at the end of the cart and closing it. "Your cover must not be blown."

Kaoru narrowed her eyes at him.

Saitou hopped up into the carriage pulling the cart and covered the windows with the curtain. The driver sent the horses off down the path.

"How come he gets to ride in high class style?" She whispered.

"SHHH!"

"Okay, I get it…"


	7. Six: Scheduling Conflicts

Chapter 6: Scheduling Conflicts

A large rumble snapped her eyes open. "Wh… what?" She asked in shock, raising her head up off Yahiko's shoulder. The sky had warmed to an evening glow, and most of the men seemed to be tired.

"You dozed off about an hour ago," Sano said.

"Yeah," Yahiko said disgustedly, rubbing at a drool spot on his shirt.

She blushed in embarrassment. "How far from Tokyo did we go?"

"Not too far, actually," Sanosuke said. "We just had to go slowly as to not look suspicious."

"What, are there spies in the forests?" She asked.

"You never know. We have to be discreet," Yahiko said.

"EVERYONE OUT!" One of the men shouted.

"Well, that's discreet," Kaoru joked, and the three of them snickered as they clambered out last.

All the warriors gathered in a circle around Shoji, Kenshin, Aoshi, and Saitou.

Was it just her, or did Aoshi look suspicious?

"Everyone welcome," Shoji said, smirking.

Kaoru looked around. More like not welcome… It was a big clearing of dying grass, surrounded by large, ugly trees and shrubbery. To her left was the entrance to a temple with cracked stone steps that led up quite far. The temple from a distance looked fairly nice, give or take a paint job, and this temple sat four stories high. The ugly trees, however, still were taller than it.

"This…" Shoji said, "is where you will be spending every day."

Everyone looked at each other except for Kaoru who, in her still girlish ways, was picking pieces of straw out of her hair. To think that just hours ago she had been clean and pretty. Now she was dirty and grimy. It was incredible how fast men… or someone pretending to be one… could get nasty.

"Every day… We're not sleeping outside, are we?" She asked.

"Oh, COOL! We can have a camp out!" Sano exclaimed.

Everyone looked at him.

"I… didn't say that out loud…"

"Right," Shoji said. "Okay then… Moving on…"

_So, this is the place I'll be calling home, hm?_ She thought, looking around. _These are the people… err… just guys I guess… These are the men I'm spending every day with…Normally someone would be scared but… my family is here…_ She smiled warmly. _Seeing them is all I need._

"You will all be sleeping in the temple up there. Each team has a floor, going from the bottom to the third. I will be on the fourth floor. As for you, the floor you sleep on depends on the schedule you will be keeping."

"Schedule?" She asked.

"Shh…" Sano whispered.

"The schedule," Shoji went on, "consists of the time one team gets up and the time the team quits for bath and dinner. Just because you look like a bunch of apes doesn't mean I have to smell you."

Kaoru pouted. She thought she looked much better than an ape… but then again, there were a few men there that really did…

"The team on the bottom will be awakened at four o' clock. They shall train until six in the evening, then go to the bath and be given an hour there before returning for dinner. The team on the second floor will be awakened at five. They will train until seven, and return by eight for dinner. The team on the third floor will be awakened at six. They will train until eight, go bathe, and be back for dinner by nine. Once dinner is completed, they are to go straight to bed. Failure to comply may result in punishment if your team leader wishes."

"-but why is there a schedule? Why can't it all be done at the same time?" Yahiko asked.

"Well," Shoji said. "We have to give time for the rice to cook, and the hot springs aren't big enough for all of you." His voice was dripping with irritability, as if they should already know all of this.

"Oh…" Yahiko murmured.

"The baths and dinner will be your relaxation point. Sake will be served at both, and you may associate with others. As for sleeping, we've provided futons for you all along with blankets. We've also brought soap for those who have forgotten."

"Who could possibly forget soap?" Kaoru asked.

"Um… I did," Sano said, checking his bag.

"Me too," Yahiko said.

Kaoru grimaced. These were the people she was living with.

"On the scene, we will also have a doctor, in case any shenanigans take place," Shoji said as someone approached from behind him. "Takani Megumi is our physician, and if you fail to respect her, punishment will be given."

The crowd whispered excitedly about the fact that there was an actual GIRL there. Kaoru rolled her eyes.

Megumi stood strongly next to Shoji. "If you would all please follow me up into the temple," Shoji said. "I will explain further from there."

Everyone did as they were told.

-

If the outside was dull and ugly, this place was shoddier. All of the wood was gray and the rice paper doors were pale. The floor was covered with dust and had small holes from mice and bug homes. A flight of stairs led to the next floor and onward. Behind the stairs was a sliding door that led to another room. The other room was for the team leader.

Megumi opened the door to the leader's room and talked mutedly with Shoji.

"Before we begin," Shoji then said, "we will be requiring your physical information as well. Everyone will be getting a full body physical."

"WHAT!" Kaoru yelped out, turning as white as a ghost.

"Oh, look! He's modest!" One of the men joked, and the others immediately joined in laughing at her.

Her face went from white to red, and she shrank into herself, tears brimming at her eyes. Being laughed at was terrible, and it seemed as if she was the center of all our jokes.

Just when she was about to smack herself to prevent herself from crying, a soft hand touched her shoulder.

"Maa, it's all right…"

She looked up and gave a small smile. Kenshin… He was always so good with his entrances.

"Don't mind them. It's only natural for some to pick on the little guy, and you're incredibly shy," Kenshin said, touching her face. His hands, though callused as they were, were so wonderful on her skin.

"I'm… I'm sorry," She muttered.

"Don't be sorry," He giggled. "Sessha was once a shy boy too, back when he was younger… Of course, that was before sessha went into the war."

"Kenshin… I mean, Himura-san, sir," She said, beaming. "Thank you."

He nodded, and there was a certain vacuity in the way he did it. It was then that she noticed something else about him. He was wearing his blue gi now, and his ponytail had been tied high up on his head. Her smile faded at the realization that he was already looking more like Battousai and less like the man she loved.

"Don't…" He said. "Don't let it get you down. You can be stronger if you believe."

She looked down at the floor and blushed. "I'll believe… I-if you believe… Himura-san… sir…"

"Sessha's never had a doubt in his mind that you'll go far."

Her blush deepened.

"Everyone line up for your physical! -and don't be stupid about it!" Shoji yelled.

Now Kaoru remembered the problem at hand. _Oh, no… What am I going to do…! There are a few things I have… and don't have… that they're bound to realize don't belong in the male category! _She wrung her hands into her hair. _Must… do…something… BUT WHAT! WHAT DO I DO NOW!_

The first man walked into the leader's room with Megumi, and then… something happened that made Kaoru sigh in relief… Megumi shut the door.

She was shoved into line along with a few others. The only three people behind her were the leaders by order of Saitou, Kenshin, and then Aoshi. Saitou was looking quite happy to be where he was while Kenshin seemed angry at the world. Aoshi just looked bored with the whole thing.

"So…" Saitou said, not moving his eyes to make anyone know whom he was addressing. "Himura."

She turned her head back around and pretended she wasn't listening.

"You seem a bit attached to that rurouni side of you. I would give it up right away. We are at war you know…"

"We are not at war yet," Kenshin said, narrowing his eyes.

"What if you're put in a position where-"

Kenshin interrupted. "I will kill if I find it necessary, Saitou."

_He didn't say 'sessha'… _Kaoru thought, clutching her heart. _I can't lose him…I still have a chance, right?_

She shook her head to release the ideas tumbling around in her head and concentrated task in sight. Yes, Megumi was allowing privacy to all of the men, but knowing her and her kitsune ways, she'd rat her out as soon as she saw her chest and her… well… Kaoru had to think of something… but to suddenly actually become a man was quite impossible especially in the short amount of time she had to come up with something. Besides, if she was a boy, Kenshin wouldn't like her the way she liked him. Idle thoughts, idle thoughts… She was wasting her brain power by letting it wander so easily.

_My brain is more of a rurouni than Kenshin is,_ She said to herself, chewing on her lower lip. _I need to do something… but I can't run away, and I can't just skip out… Everyone is watching… what do I do? MOM, DAD! I NEED YOUR HELP NOW!_

A panic was slowly starting to rise in her chest, and she placed her hand against it to calm herself down. _I need to cool down. I can't think straight when I'm all nervous… There's got to be a simple solution to this problem…_

She ran her hands through her hair slowly and let her bangs tumble back onto her brow. _I wish that everyone would just leave right now…I'd even hope for war if it got me out of this mess…_ She stopped and looked around suspiciously. _I'd better be careful what I wish for! Kaoru, you idiot! You want to protect Kenshin, and that is the worst way to do it, you idiot!_ She scolded herself, furrowing her eyebrows.

She sighed and looked around, getting the disgusting place into her memory. Was that mold she smelled? She grimaced and tried not to think about it.

The line slowly dwindled down as others met with Shoji and his officers to get their futons and find a place on their floors to sleep. Several of them marched up the stairs while others picked nearby spots to put their beds. Some napped while others talk, but Kaoru just trembled nervously.

All too soon her time arrived.

Megumi opened the door and let her in, then closed it quietly.

No idea had come to Kaoru, and she was feeling seriously out of luck. Megumi's eyes were upon her as she sat down and lifted a pad of paper that Kaoru had seen before.

"What's your name?"

"K--- K… Kasuhige Kahei…" She managed to sputter out.

"Ah…" Megumi said, flipping through the pages until she found the page she was looking for. "Do you have any diseases, health problems?"

"Um… no…" She muttered. So far, so good.

"Have you been recently injured?"

"N-no…" She said. _Not physically…_

"All right…" Megumi said, writing the information down. "Take off your clothes for me, please."

"YEEK!" Kaoru yelped out, holding her shirt tightly.

"You don't have to be nervous. I've seen naked men before," Megumi said. "I'm a doctor. I'm a professional who's seen it all."

"I really don't think you've seen any man like this," Kaoru squeaked.

"I'm sure I have," Megumi responded, looking rather agitated at her lack of cooperation.

"No… No, you could never have seen a man like this." She began removing her shirt very hesitantly.

"What do you have that every other guy doesn't?" Megumi asked, rolling her eyes.

"Well…" Kaoru said, grabbing hold of the bandages and carefully pushing them off of her chest, revealing her breasts. "These, for example…"

Megumi's eyes widened with shock. "You're a… hermaphrodite!"

"Nope," Kaoru said, removing her pants. "Girl."

Megumi's eyes widened even more, if possible.

"OH, MY GOD!" She screeched.

The men outside all looked up in suspicion.


	8. Seven: Suspicious Glances

Chapter 7: Suspicious Glances

Megumi made her run for the door, but Kaoru attacked her and shoved her to the floor. "No, Megumi!" She whispered fiercely. "Don't tell on me!"

Megumi shoved her off. "Why shouldn't I!"

"-because it's me…" She responded. "It's… It's Kaoru…"

Megumi was silenced by her reply.

"Please… I had to…"

"Are you crazy?" Megumi cried. "Do you know what will happen if they find out about you!"

Kaoru shook her head.

"You'll be KILLED," Megumi said.

Kaoru trembled slightly as the words rang in her ears. "-but I…"

"What was possibly running through your head when you decided that you would cross dress and come here like this! Are you that stubborn, or are you just stupid!"

"Stop…" Kaoru whispered.

"You just had to go and do something to get attention like this, you little brat! I can't believe you'd put your own life in danger-"

"Stop!" Kaoru sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I have my reasons!"

Megumi looked down upon her in surprise.

"It's not…" She sniffled. "It's not as if you have any right to talk… I mean… You were the one… who told me… told me when Kenshin left the first time… that I shouldn't sit around crying… that I should get up and do something about it… a-and bring him back to me…!" She covered her face with her hands. How childish she felt…

"You're right," Megumi said softly, laying a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry… You just shocked me, that's all… I was too cruel…"

"I'm sorry…" Kaoru said in a little girl's voice. "I just couldn't let my whole family leave me… I had to find some way to watch over and protect them… and this is all I could do…"

Megumi hugged her softly and sighed. "Little girls and their imaginations…"

"Please… don't tell on me… I don't want to-"

"Die? Well, you've been asking for it since you started this-"

"I don't want to… fail on keeping my family safe… if I have to die in the process… I don't care what happens to me! Just as long as they're okay!… Just as long as… they'll come back… home…"

"Now, that's illogical…" Megumi said, smiling. "If you died, there wouldn't be anything to go back to."

"I know… but I don't want them to kill, Megumi… Please don't rat me out…"

"I'm not going to rat you out," Megumi said, reapplying her bondage rather tightly. "-but you'll want to keep yourself convincing."

"Thank you… Megumi…"

"I could never have you killed, Kaoru," Megumi said, her kitsune ears popping out. "Ken-san would so definitely not like that!"

Kaoru just smiled slightly, brushing away her tears with her hand. "Jeez… I sure have cried a lot today… I need to stop that if I'm going to pull off my act."

"You're either very foolish, or very noble, but I can't figure out which."

"Probably a little of both," Kaoru said, grinning bigger. "-but… love makes people do the craziest, stupidest things, you know?"

-

Kaoru left the room with a relieved sigh and shut the door.

"WOOO!" Sano cat-called. "You must be HUGE, making Megumi scream like that!"

"Ah!" Kaoru turned completely red and pouted. "Don't talk about stuff like that. It's gross."

"Boys are so innocent at fifteen," Sano replied. "A bit too much if you ask me. It was just a joke. What was she really screaming about, hm?"

"Oh…" Kaoru said, blushing even deeper. _She saw my boobs and stuff below the waist. _"Nothing."

"I knew it," Sano said, laying back on his futon.

"Humph," Kaoru moped, walking to get her own bedding. "Stupid, rooster-headed, fish bone chewing, mooching, gambling moron…"

The man shoved her supplies into her arms and didn't even say a word to her. She glared at him and took her futon to the spot right next to the stairs. _This is perfect. I'll know exactly when to get up because I'll hear people that Shoji guy come down the stairs! _She laid it down and smoothed it out, then neatly made it.

"Hey," Yahiko said, laying his mat down next to hers. "What's up?"

"Yahiko," Kaoru said, smiling.

"Man," Yahiko said, laying down on his futon. "This is different than I thought it would be… I'm not sure whether it's better or worse than I imagined."

"Knowing you guys are here makes me feel a bit better about it," Kaoru said. "You and Kenshin and Sano have been so nice to me."

"Yeah… We kinda have the tendency to look that way, but if we have to fight each other in training, don't think I'm gonna hold back just because you're my friend."

"If you did, I'd be sincerely pissed at you," Kaoru replied.

Yahiko chuckled, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm… kinda scared…"

"Hum?" Kaoru asked, staring in surprise at him.

"I mean… probably lots of people are… I mean… we could… we could be killed, you know?"

"I'm not afraid," She said strongly. "I believe that if the will to live is strong enough, you will survive, but if it is your time to go, you can face death like the person you truly are and go peacefully without fighting fate."

"Your wise jibber-jabber is making me dizzy," Yahiko replied. "-but you have a point, I guess… It's just… I'm only fifteen… and I've got a girlfriend and my teacher to go back to… I would never be able to face death without a fight if it meant having to see them cry because I couldn't be there… because I wasn't strong enough…" He let the fringe of his hair hide his eyes.

"As of right now, I have no one to go back to," Kaoru said solemnly, laying down on her bed and throwing her hand up onto her forehead. "One cannot fear the feelings they'll never have…" She couldn't help but be impressed with herself for all the knowledge she was putting out. It made her feel almost like she did when Kenshin said all of his pretty speeches when he arrived to battle just on time. Maybe this feeling was what made him say that stuff all the time.

Yahiko just sighed. "You remind me of Kenshin…" Apparently, she hadn't been the only one who felt that way.

"Don't be stupid. Ken--- I mean, Himura-san is way smarter than I am," Kaoru said, laughing. _More handsome too,_ She said to herself and let out a small giggle.

"Yo," Sano said, walking up with his hands in his pockets. "What're you guys talking about."

"Just jibber-jabber," Kaoru said, shrugging. "Resting and stuff."

Kenshin passed the group, his hands in their usual spots hidden in his sleeves.

"Hey, Kenshin," Sano said.

Kenshin nodded a hello and glanced at Kaoru.

_Oh, no… Megumi didn't tell him, did she!_ Kaoru thought in a panic. _I didn't tell her not to tell him! Oh, god… HELP ME! _

"You seem nervous. Don't worry. Sessha told you that you'd be all right, and he'll do his best to help you and make sure of that."

"Eh-heh-heh-heh… Thank you…" She muttered. _Maybe she didn't…I was scared there for a second…_

"Watch after him, Sanosuke," Kenshin mumbled to Sano. "He has no swordsmanship style, and the others might treat him badly. I have my own team to teach, and I won't even be out there for awhile, so I'm entrusting his safety in you, all right?"

"Why do you… worry about him so much, Kenshin? There's a bunch of little guys here."

"Something… about him…" Kenshin said. "I don't know why… Just do it, okay?"

"Um… okay…" Sano muttered, and Kenshin walked away.

Saitou watched Kenshin pass with half-interest. _Himura senses something from that boy that's different… He just doesn't know what it is…I have my suspicions myself…Maybe I should keep my eye on him…_

"Shoji-sama," Saitou turned towards him.

"Yes?" He asked, smiling innocently.

"Do you mind if I smoke?"

"Well, kind of-"

"Thanks," Saitou said, lighting up a cigarette. "Looking forward to an eventful training session tomorrow." Shoji nodded with an aggravated smile on his face.

Saitou passed the group of Sano, Yahiko, and Kaoru who were now discussing fights they'd been in. Kaoru nodded, smiling nervously.

_I'll definitely keep my eye on that boy…Something tells me…_

_Why's Saitou looking at me like that? It makes me all nervous…_ Kaoru thought, sweating. _He's so creepy… Just like a wolf…_

"-and then Kenshin did this spinney thing in the sky and came down on me like- are you listening?" Sano asked.

"Wh-what, now? Oh, y-yeah," Kaoru said, waving her hand at him.

"I don't like Saitou," Sano then said, out of the blue.

"I know. You made it clear when we saw him earlier…" Kaoru said flatly. "I don't like him either, but we can't do anything about it. We're gonna be stuck with him bossing us around for God knows how long."

"I wish we were on Kenshin's team," Yahiko said, sighing. "He's our friend. He won't torture us for pleasure like Saitou does. I swear, he has to be a masochist."

"A masochist likes having pain inflicted on themselves, Yahiko," Sano said flatly.

"Oh…" Yahiko muttered.

Sano started laughing, and Yahiko glared at him.

_Oi… _Kaoru thought, flopping down on her futon and staring up at the ceiling. _It's a good thing I'm here or they'd be dead before I knew it…I think I'd better… get some rest… It's been a long day…a long, long day…_ Her eyelids slowly grew heavy and dipped down over her eyes, and Yahiko and Sanosuke's arguing faded away from her ears.

She slipped into a beautiful dream of her and Kenshin, huddled together in the doorway of the dojo, watching snow fall, keeping each other warm by the closeness of each other. Slowly he slid the door closed and looked into her eyes, smiling, and before she could say his name, he leaned over and placed his lips against hers. She stumbled back and wrapped her arms around his neck and things… escalated from there.

"I wonder why he smiles and drools like that in his sleep?" Yahiko asked.

"I wonder why he thinks our arguing is so boring that he's gonna nap through the whole thing," Sano said, scratching his head. "Hum…"

"Maybe he's got it rougher than us," Yahiko suggested.

Oh, how right he was.


	9. Eight: No Need For Help

Chapter 8: No Need for Help

When Kaoru opened her eyes, it was almost pitch black in the room. For a moment she forgot where she was and almost yelped out, but managed to recover herself in time. Yahiko was snoozing quietly in the futon next to hers while Sanosuke had placed his right next to Megumi's. The rooster was very protective of his fox, it seemed. With all the disgusting men there with sick ideas, who wouldn't be?

She pulled her blanket up over her nose and started to drift off again. She wasn't sure how much longer she'd have to sleep, but surely it was a few more hours.

Just before she fell back into her slumber, a loud stomping of feet on the stairway next to her ears snapped her up. Candles lit the room as Shoji and his officers marched down the stairs, and Saitou exited his room, looking stern as usual.

"All right, everybody up!" Shoji yelled. "Get up, get up!"

Kaoru rubbed her eyes and yawned as Yahiko stirred next to her.

"Don't waste time! Get up! Stand up!"

Kaoru stumbled to her feet, grabbing the sword she had been given from the side of her bed.

"Stand up tall, you imbeciles. You think those men will feel threatened if you stand like that? You will stand up tall and strong every single day or be punished! Today, you're lucky because I'm letting it slide."

"Ugh…" Kaoru moaned, slipping her sword into her belt. "I feel like I didn't sleep at all… I hate it when I'm woken up right when I'm about to fall asleep again…"

"Do not speak! Silence is what keeps you hidden. In a battle, you will not wish to give away your position unless you have a death wish."

"Get your shoes and follow me," Saitou said, walking towards the door. "Stay in a single file line until I place you somewhere, and don't be an idiot and goof off… Sagara."

"Hey! Why do you gotta single me out, Wolf!" Sano complained. "Wanna fight!"

"Let it go," Kaoru whispered, shivering. The sun had not come up yet, and the world was still chilly.

"Come on now," Saitou said, looking aggravated.

All of the men slowly half-trudged, half-marched out the door and onto the dew covered grass. They traveled down the old stone steps until they arrived at the grassy area they had been at yesterday. It had many large logs tied with ropes placed on poles all around the area.

"These are what you will test your strength against. Today, we will not be using swords, but fists. If you break yours, you will wait until another one is broken and square off against that person in a fist fight. We must know that your ability without a blade is as good as with one, in case it is thrown from you in battle, and you are forced to use your hands," Shoji said.

_He sure is smart…_ Kaoru thought. _Then again, I suppose you have to be if you're a leader like he is._

"Try not to kill anyone today," Saitou said. "I can think of plenty of you I'd like to be without-" He glanced at Sanosuke who growled, "but we need all of you here right now. The weaker ones will be picked out eventually-" He glanced at Sanosuke again, "-but for now, we'll keep it the way it is."

"Bastard," Sano muttered, cracking his knuckles.

"Begin," Shoji said, and all of the men went to their spots.

Kaoru stood, staring at hers. She took a deep breath, then let it out, and just as she was about to punch it.

BAM!

Sano's collapsed on his first punch.

Whispers of "Wow, did you see that?" and "I wouldn't want to mess with that guy!" and "That was incredible!" slipped among the men.

Sano smirked at Saitou who merely blew smoke in his face. "Don't act so confident. If I recall, I beat you in our last battle using fists alone, and it wasn't even my strong suit."

Sano's smirk changed to a scowl, and he crossed his arms, waiting angrily for a sparring partner.

Kaoru began punching hers, left hand and right hand, crying out "Ho!" every shot she made as the others did.

The sun began to rise after awhile, and more men entered the battlefield. Aoshi and Saitou began having a light sparring session with their blades, trying to avoid the men training. Kaoru ignored them.

By the time the sun was over the horizon, her body was pouring with sweat. Her clothing felt heavy and gross, and her hair was sticking to her forehead, but she didn't stop. Her determination was strong. Unfortunately, her arms weren't quite as much.

Half of the men were already sparring, and the others didn't even look tired. Yahiko had even finished second, and she was slowly starting to realize the differences in stamina that girls had to boys. The will power was there, but not the strength, and as the men dwindled to only a few left that still didn't look the least bit out of breath, she dropped to her knees, panting.

"Soldier! Get back up!" Shoji yelled, kicking her in the back.

"I… can't keep doing this…" She moaned through her gasps for air. "My arms aren't strong enough."

"Oh… They aren't?" He said irritably.

Many of the men had stopped to see the show.

"Well, now, dear Kahei," Shoji said, grabbing her wrist and lifting her to her feet. "Maybe these skinny arms need to get a work out through your punishment!"

"Punishment?" She questioned as he dragged her up the stone steps. "What am I going to have to do?"

"Just stand still," He replied, arriving at the top and pulling her to the side of the temple. There in the wall was a long steel pole set six feet above the ground. There were more poles, but he didn't even regard them. Removing a large step ladder from behind the statue from the front, he commanded her to climb up. She did.

"Hold your arms in the air," He said. On the ladder, her wrists touched the pole. Shoji climbed up next to her, and before she realized what he was doing, he had tied her wrists to the pole tightly with thick rope.

"Wh-what are you doing?" She exclaimed, horrified.

He hopped off the step ladder and pulled it out from under her feet.

A huge weight suddenly fell upon her as she dangled by her arms in the air. "Hey! What're you doing!" She repeated, trying to pull herself up above the bar to no avail.

"You can hang there for awhile until I decide that you can train with everyone else. Have a nice workout," He said marching away, looking all too pleased.

"HEY! You can't just leave me like this!" She cried, tears brimming at her eyes. What she wouldn't give to be able to move her hand to wipe that scratchy feeling away right now. "Stop! Wait! PLEASE! Come back!"

She closed her eyes and whimpered quietly. It was her first day of training and she'd already screwed up. How foolish of her. She was never going to be able to help them at this rate. Sure, she was strong against some people, but in the end, Kenshin usually had to come and save her. Now she wanted to save him… but why was she doing such a crummy job! She was trying so hard, but it seemed to not quite add up in the end.

It seemed like hours passed while she stayed suspended in the air. She knew it hadn't actually been that long since the sun had hardly moved in the sky. Truth be told, maybe an hour passed if that much.

She swayed silently, head down, eyes closed, when she heard voices of men. Raising her head slightly, she saw Kenshin's recruits headed down the stairs.

"KENSHIN!" She cried in relief, and then bit her lip. She was hoping for his help again. She couldn't help herself at all. She only prayed that he hadn't heard her slip.

He had. He came around the statue with a look of awe on his face, probably wondering where the calling had come from. When he caught sight of her, he gasped.

"What are you doing up there?" He asked, staring up at her.

"Oh, you know… just… hanging around," Kaoru replied, trying to make light of the situation.

"How long have you been hanging up there like that?"

"Not all that long… Just… an hour, or so…"

"An hour!" He exclaimed in outrage. "Why?"

"I err--- couldn't complete… the training…" She said regretfully, the smile fading from her face. "I'm being punished…"

"Sessha will get you down from there-"

"NO!" She yelled. "I…" _I can't let you save me every time I'm in trouble. _"I can't disobey Shoji-sama."

"This is not right though. It won't make you any stronger and will probably end up hurting you in the end."

"No… I'm learning a lot from this… like how I shouldn't complain… and how I should follow orders… Please… don't help me… I don't need your help."

"Then… why did you call sessha here?" Kenshin asked, worry in his eyes. "Sessha would have never even known you were here had you not called his name."

"I don't know…" Kaoru mumbled, though truthfully she did. "I guess… I wasn't thinking."

"Sessha must get you down from there. He can't stand to see you like that," Kenshin said.

"Then don't look," Kaoru said. "Go to your troops. They'll need your help."

Kenshin stared at her for a long time.

"HIMURA!" Shoji called. "Battousai, get down here!"

Kenshin narrowed his eyes and glared in Shoji's direction. "I'm coming," He said darkly.

Kaoru gasped almost silently.

Kenshin started to walk away.

"K--- I mean… Himura-san…"

He looked back at her.

"Please don't talk like that… You sound so angry…"

"Maybe I am," He said calmly, shutting his eyes.

"No…" Kaoru muttered. "You aren't like that… You're a good person…" She tried not to cry.

Kenshin opened his eyes, and they were innocent and kind. "Sessha is happy to hear someone say that." He smiled.

"You'd better get down there," Kaoru said, blushing.

"Yeah, Sessha better," Kenshin said. "Sessha will try to talk to Shoji-sama."

Kaoru nodded. There really was no stop to him when he wanted to help.

He was gone before she could say another word.

_You are not… Battousai… anymore…_ Kaoru thought. _Please… stay as you are… Stay as the man that I love…_

She tried to pull herself up again, but only managed to do a chin up. There was no way she could get herself free on her own.

The sun slowly rose higher on the horizon while the cries of men sounded loudly into the echoing distance.

-

"Ah…" She moaned. She felt like she was about to fall off her arms. It had been hours, for real this time, since she had been placed up there, and apparently Kenshin's persuasion job had not gone too well. She was starting to regret refusing his help. "Ah… AHH… GOD! IT HURTS!" She sobbed loudly.

"So, you're ready to come down now, are you?"

She looked up to see Shoji standing confidently by the statue.

She nodded, tears pouring down her face.

"Well, then… That's too bad," Shoji said, grinning even wider. "I don't think you're ready to come down yet, so…"

"NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" She screamed. "You evil son of a bitch! Get me down from here!"

He began laughing at her.

Kaoru sobbed loudly, unable to do anything else.

Shoji apparently thought it was hilarious until the butt of a sword was placed against his back. "I don't see anything humorous about this situation," Kenshin said angrily.

"Feel free to point it out," Sano joined in heatedly.

Yahiko found the step and began to untie her hands.

"Are you defying me, Battousai? I know what's best."

"Torturing a kid on his first day is not the best thing to do!" Sano yelled, cracking his knuckles. "How can you do that to someone!"

Kaoru collapsed into Yahiko's arms, making him fall off the step. He was fine though, and just held her innocently, not too closely since he thought she was a he.

Kenshin stepped back, not willing to make himself any angrier than he was and went to tend to Kaoru.

"-and Sagara," Shoji said, turning to him. He then punched Sanosuke in the face, knocking him off his feet. "You are even lower than Himura to me. Don't talk to me that way unless you want to be hung from that pole by your neck."

Sano glowered silently.

Kenshin lifted Kaoru into his arms. "I'm taking him inside," He said.

"He can take himself inside," Shoji said. "I tied up his arms, not his legs."

Kenshin glared furiously at Shoji.

"Put him down and resume your training, Himura. If it annoys you that much, Kasuhige Kahei here can go inside… alone."

Kenshin placed her on her feet. "Go straight to Megumi-san."

Kaoru trembled on her legs, unable to put her arms down by her side. She was just starting to regain feeling in her hands. She passed each man, feeling shameful that she had still once again been saved instead of saving herself. By the time she had her back to them, she had broken into tears again.

She was beginning to feel rather doubtful of her abilities to help at all.


	10. Nine:No More Tears,Loads More Discomfort

Chapter 9: No more Tears, Loads more Discomfort

"Ow…" Kaoru moaned as Megumi examined her two arms raised high in the air. "Ow, ow…" Megumi took tight hold of her wrists.

"Forgive me."

"WHA- OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Kaoru screamed as Megumi pulled Kaoru's arms down.

Kaoru threw her head down and shook violently, blubbering as she rubbed her wrists.

"Honestly," Megumi said, pulling out a strange translucent cream from her medical bag and rubbing it on Kaoru's rope-burned wrists. "This is no way to teach a lesson. If anything, it'll just hurt your skill in the end."

"He can do what he wants to me…" Kaoru said gruffly, lifting her head back up. Her lip was bleeding from biting it when the pain hit her, and there were tears on her face. "I just wish I hadn't needed people's help… again… I want to do something on my own and do it right!"

"Why is that?" Megumi asked, an interested tone in her voice.

"…because…" Kaoru said, thinking about it for a moment. "I want them to be able to know that they can count on me… I don't want to be the dunce of the group. I've trained long and hard on Kamiya Kasshin-ryu… so I have to face this the same way."

"In other words… You're not wanting to do anything halfway, right?"

"RIGHT!" She said, beaming proudly as she held her fist in the air, then dropped it, moaning in pain.

"Well, you certainly are off to a good start," Megumi said sarcastically.

"Huh?" Kaoru asked, teary-eyed.

"You talk so big, but you've already screwed up on your first day here. You need to become more thorough and stop complaining. 'Ow, my arms hurt', bull. You have to fight through the pain. You have to be tough. You have to work hard. You have to ignore everyone else and everything except what your goal is. You have to act like a MAN."

Kaoru blushed in surprise of Megumi's speech.

"What do you have to say to that?" Megumi said promptly, glaring at her. "Huh?" Her glare faded to surprised concern.

"Me--- Megumi…!" Kaoru wept, holding her arm over her eyes. "I'm trying so hard…! I'm sorry I messed up! I d-didn't mean t-to… I just…"

Megumi put her arms around her and held her close. Megumi was so warm, Kaoru noticed, and her hair smelled of sakura blossoms, probably from her bath oils. "Don't cry…" Megumi said soothingly. "Boys don't cry…"

"I don't know how you do that… You can be so mean and then so nice to me…" Kaoru whimpered.

"I know how hard you're trying…." Megumi said kindly. "You're doing your best, but you have to do better than that… Don't make your best your goal… okay?"

"I promise… I'll do better than my best… I'll show them all… With these two hands… I'LL DO THE SAVING THIS TIME!"

Megumi smiled, leaning her head into Kaoru's short hair. "That's what I wanted to hear… Now… how about you get some of that strength and get back out there."

"Yeah!" Kaoru said. "I'm going!"

-

When she reappeared for the rest of the training, Shoji seemed shocked at first, as did her friends, but he shrugged and allowed her to continue.

Her hands ached, and every time she punched, tremendous pain shot through her wrists. She didn't complain though. She ate through the pain with determination, and soon learned to ignore it. For hours, she worked, and finally, she busted it to pieces.

"Yeah, you did it, Kahei!" Yahiko cheered.

Kaoru looked gleefully over at him. She was exhausted, but she couldn't have been happier. "Yeah…" She whispered, panting and rubbing her wrists.

"Brilliant work," Kenshin said, smiling at her. "Now sessha… shall fight with you."

"HUH!" She squeaked.

"Sessha promises he'll do this gently… unless you do not want sessha-"

"Bring it on!" She squealed, turning red. _When he talks like that, it sounds like we're… AHH! That dream's coming back again!_

"That'll have to wait, Himura," Saitou said. "My team's finished for the day."

It was indeed time for them to quit.

"Then sessha supposes we'll work on it more later then," Kenshin said. "Go clean up then."

"Actually, since it's the first night, I'll allow you all to finish early," Shoji announced.

Everyone began celebrating except for Kaoru.

"Humph…" Kaoru said. _He's still not on my good side. It's only early for the other teams._

"All right! LET'S GO DRINK AND BE MERRY!" Sano exclaimed, throwing his arm around her.

"Yeah…" Kaoru said, laughing nervously. _At least I didn't have to fight Kenshin. I'd have to bring out Kamiya Kasshin-ryu to even stand a chance against him, and then I'd definitely be discovered._

She figured that she looked weak, but to tell the truth she was playing it safe. Any sign that she actually knew any swordsmanship would give it away. She was always using a weapon to defend herself leaving bare fists very weak, and using them for so long after being punished really took the toll.

…but she had decided. There would be no more tears, no more whining, no more complaining. She'd take everything head on without a single protest. Nothing would get in her way of disguise now…

…or at least she thought.

-

"This…" Shoji said, extending his hands to the several pools of steaming water all gathered in a small area, "is where you will bathe."

"All right!" Sano exclaimed, removing his shirt.

"Yeah!" Yahiko cheered.

"Be back in an hour. My officers will be serving all of you sake."

The men began stripping down right in front of her. She yelped and covered her mouth.

"Is something wrong, Kahei?" Yahiko asked, stretching his long brown arms upwards. She got an eyeful of his behind, not by will of course.

"No…" She mumbled. "I just ah---"

"Are you shy?" Sano asked, putting his naked arm around her.

"Uh…"

"No need to be! We're all guys here!" Sano exclaimed.

_That's what you think…_ She thought.

"C'mon!" Sano exclaimed. He had a sake bottle dangling in his fist. It was amazing how quickly he could get to it.

"uh-"

"Leave him alone, Sanosuke," Kenshin giggled, removing his hair band and wrapping it around his fingers.

Kaoru laughed uncomfortably. This wasn't going well, she was beginning to feel heated in the face, seeing a bunch of naked men.

-and then… it happened.

Kenshin was miraculously good at quickly removing his clothing. At the sound of his hakama dropping, she could feel her heart skip a beat. By the time he removed his underwear it had stopped completely.

Now, it wasn't as if she hadn't seen him naked before. There was that time at the hot springs when he sort of forgot and came running through the bushes, but that was different. She was younger then, and he wasn't completely visible.

Now, she was seeing him in all his glory, every scar, every muscle, every… thing…

He stretched his arms and smiled, and it was all the more clear. "You can relax," He said, turning his back and heading towards the water. She got a good look at his backside too. His hair was a lot longer than she remembered too. "We won't make fun of you."

"I------ I FORGOT MY SOAP!" She screamed, zooming off. As soon as she was out of sight range, she placed her hands over her mouth and nose to prevent the nosebleed she had just gotten. "Go away, bad thoughts, go away, bad thoughts," She chanted.

She slowed to a walk and then stopped. "What am I going to do about a bath…? I can't just go without… They'll notice really quick, I'm sure of that…"

She closed her eyes and let her other senses take over. The sound or running water wafted into her ears.

After a few minutes, she realized this was not from the hot springs and honed in on it. She shoved her way through the woods from the left and after a few minutes managed to find what she was looking for…

A large, clear-water stream upon a dirt beach stood before her.

"Perfect!" She cheered. "Maybe I'm luckier than I thought!"

She looked around for a few moments then stepped to the edge of the water, removing her clothing and bandages and placing them on one of the smooth gray rocks that sat high on the edge of the brook.

She slowly slipped in, feeling the incredibly chilly water engulf her as she stepped deeper and deeper.

"Brrrr," She whispered. "I hope I c-can get u-used to this…" She ducked her head under the water.

_Maybe I'm not so lucky after all…_

She swung herself back above the surface and began scrubbing her body down with soap. The water was starting to feel more comfortable.

She rubbed the soap into her hair, then used her fingers to get in into the roots. Afterwards, she dunked herself under again and rubbed her hands in it to get it out.

"Ahh…" She said happily after emerging from underneath the water, rubbing her sore shoulders. "This isn't so bad… Cold yes… quiet yes… but not bad. I can survive. Besides, there's no one here, and that's the best thing of all!" She let out a giggle of happiness.

"I've had my share of problems, but I have a feeling that I'm things are starting to look up for me, and I'll be able to pull it off after all!" She swam a bit, diving and resurfacing.

She was so happy with herself, that she didn't notice the body emerging on the old, overgrown path that led along the beach's edge.

Kaoru wiped the water off of her face with her hands and sighed in satisfaction.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" A high tenor voice asked, sounding a bit amused.

She gasped.


	11. Ten: The Boy

Chapter 10: The Boy

Her heart was pounding in her chest. For a moment it felt like all the air in the world had been sucked away.

Standing there, looking at her, was a boy of about her age (her real age) with scruffy dark hair pulled back at the nape of his neck. He wore a light-blue kimono with dark-blue hakama over it and white socks. All of the clothing looked rather dirty and torn.

On the boy's back was a boken tied into a small, purple, square-shaped pack that was tied around his right shoulder. He blinked his blue eyes innocently at her, seeming a bit surprised.

She stared at him, shivering. He had seen her.

She couldn't remember seeing him at the training camp, but he had to have been there! Where else would he come from!

"Goodness," He said. "You're a girl, aren't you?"

She fell into the water. How stupid was this guy?

She rose up, furious. "You saw! Of course I am!" Little did she realize she could have gotten away with hiding.

"Yes… so you are," The boy replied, rubbing his chin. "Well, girl, what are you doing out here?… and why do you have a boy's haircut?"

She watched him for a moment, frozen.

He glanced at her clothing that was laid out on a rock. "Oh… You… You're in disguise, aren't you…"

She lowered her eyes.

"Don't worry, I won't tell," He giggled. "Any girl who cut her hair certainly cares a lot about her mission. You'd better get out before you catch cold."

"Turn around!" She yelled defensively.

"Sorry, but I can't. I always have to see people as who they are. I'm an artist, you see, and I always look at other people for inspiration."

She turned red. "Why should I believe you?"

"I guess you shouldn't, but you'll have to leave eventually, and Ican stayhere all night," He responded simply, beaming at her. His smile had the sort of hollowness in it that she couldn't put her finger on. It was true, yes, but something about it… Yes, it reminded her a lot of Kenshin's.

She slowly stood up and splashed her way to the shore.

His eyes widened. "My goodness…"

"What?" She asked angrily.

"I've seen a lot of women, but never as beautiful as you."

"Give me a break," She rolled her eyes, trying to shake off the water.

He laughed. "My name is Tenka."

"Tenka? That's an odd name," She said, sighing as she realized she was not getting dry anytime soon.

"Would you pose for me?" He asked, pulling a black book and charcoal pencil out of his shirt. "If you will, I'll give you a towel."

Kaoru agreed hesitantly.

He had her stand with her head tilted back and her arms wrapped over her chest. She stood with a profile view towards him, and then he had her turn her head towards him.

He quickly began to go to work, giving such quick glances at her that for awhile she didn't even know he was looking.

-

About twenty minutes passed.

"There," He said, writing his name on the bottom of the picture. "Finished." Keeping his word, he miraculously pulled a towel out of his pack without even removing it from his bag and tossed it to her. It was blue as well.

"You really like the color blue, don't you," She said, wiping her face with it first, then working on her shoulders.

"Yes, indeed… It's the color of sadness," He said, his eyes glazing over, a smile still placed on his lips.

She gazed at him. The boy was indeed… sad.

"Oh, um… my name is Kaoru," She told him, "but my alias is Kasuhige Kahei."

"I'll remember that," He smiled. "Kaoru…"

She finished drying off and lifted her bandages.

"Allow me to help you with those," He said, wandering over and taking them from her.

As he wrapped her, she blushed, feeling his breath against her neck.

"Before you ask, I'm not out to get you into bed with me," Tenka told her.

Her face turned even redder. "I wasn't going to ask that!" Yes, she was.

"Yes you were!" He laughed. "I'm not like that though, I swear on my own life. In fact, I'm a virgin."

"How old are you?" She asked.

"I'm not sure. I never celebrated many birthdays. I believe I'm about… twenty-two, twenty-three… something like that."

"Really?" Kaoru marveled as she slipped her shirts on. "You seem a lot younger to me."

"I'm really not," He laughed. "If anything, I'm older. You're twenty-three, right?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"An artist can always tell," He said, tapping his forehead. "It's something in their brains."

Kaoru giggled. He was quite nice even though he was so secluded. Yes, he was open with his work and opinions, but his feelings were so far that she couldn't read them at all, not even in his eyes.

"Dear Kaoru, I do believe you have the most incredible look about you. If I ran into you on the street, I would never guess you were a woman. Brilliant work," He said, walking around in front of her as she tied her pants. He leaned in so that they were touching noses. "That is… unless I looked into those eyes of yours."

Her cheeks flushed at the closeness of him to her. "Wh… why is that?" She whispered.

"Only a woman can have such kind, innocent eyes. I only fear they won't be that way at the end of your journey."

Then, in a blink of her eyes, he passed her. "I'll see you hear tomorrow, same time and same place. I'd like to get to know you better… Kaoru."

What else could she say besides okay?

Tenka exited onto the path he was originally traveling down and opened his sketchbook to a picture of a woman from the waist up. Her hair was long and raven and flew out behind her, and tears rolled down her cheeks. Wings were emitting out of her back. This was his picture of Kaoru.

"By God, I believe I've found my muse," He chimed proudly. "Not to mention… my source of information." He slammed the book shut and placed it back in his front. His smile grew, and he shut his eyes. "Yes, indeed, I've caught two birds in one cage I guess… No, no, that's not how the phrase goes… Killed two birds with one stone! Yes, that's it… Goodness, that's violent… Who would come up with such a phrase?"

Meanwhile, Kaoru wrapped her bar of soap in the towel that Tenka had left. She shoved it in her shirt, paused, and pulled it out again. "I don't know if I should put it there. A bulge in my shirt could cause suspicion, but…" She placed it in her underwear under her hakama. "Now, this is uncomfortable, but I guess I won't be suspicious."

-

Kaoru managed to fumble her way back into the crowd without being noticed. She doubted anyone even knew she didn't come back. They were all stumbling and laughing, drunken and stupid. Kenshin was not stumbling or laughing of course, and neither were Aoshi or Saitou. Kenshin had a red flush over his nose, though he seemed to be trying to hide it, and Saitou puffed on his cigarette, looking quite pleased, and Aoshi didn't look any different.

"D-didn't you have any sake?" She asked Aoshi, marching up next to him, more to get near Kenshin.

"I hate alcohol," Aoshi responded quietly.

Kenshin glanced at her. "My, you look lovely this evening, Kahei-kun-san!" He slurred, beaming at her stupidly. She figured it was Sano's doing, pressuring him into it.

"Oh, why thank you!" She joked, posing. Saitou smirked.

"You're an idiot," He said.

"Who, Ken--- Himura-san or me?" She asked, looking half-offended.

"Both of you," Saitou said, tossing his cigarette down and stepping on it, then withdrawing another from his jacket. "Of course, he's drunk, so he has an excuse."

Kaoru was now actually offended.

"He could still fight better than you even in this condition, too," Saitou continued on in his smug voice.

She stomped ahead. "I know when I'm not wanted!" She yelled, giving him the finger.

Saitou lit his cigarette and watched her back, staring her down. _I still have my suspicions… but he's not out for blood, I know that much…_

_This soap in my pants is really aggravating me…_She thought, grimacing.

-

She managed to find Yahiko and Sano by the time they got back inside the temple. People were ravenously grabbing for food since not enough of it had been made (since they had not kept to schedule that day).

Kaoru herself was too tired to be hungry at the moment, but she knew she'd regret it if she didn't eat something.

Yahiko stood in front of her in the line of yelling, complaining males, talking to her as if nothing at all was going on.

"I didn't see you come back," He told her.

"I did," She said defensively. "I smell clean, don't I?"

"Yeah, I guess," Yahiko laughed. "I haven't really sniffed you though, Kahei-kun."

"Well, I suppose that's a good thing," She responded, pushing him foreword in line. "By the way, sorry about being a little sissy out there earlier. I'm not going to do that anymore."

"Hey, relax. We all have trouble adapting to certain things. You don't know any swordsmanship, and all you did was wash dishes. Your arms were bound to be weaker than most."

"Thanks," She said sarcastically. "That makes me feel much better…"

"Sorry."

"It's not that I don't know how to fight. I'm just out of practice, you know? I haven't had any reason to fight. It's your turn, Yahiko."

Yahiko took his bowl of rice and chopsticks. "Arigatou," He said, bowing to them. Kaoru did the same and followed after him.

"We only got half a bowl," She commented sadly.

They sat on their futons and began quietly munching on what they had.

"It's plain too…" Yahiko said. "There's no flavor in this."

"Well, I guess they didn't have time to put any flavor in it… I do wish we had some meat or something."

"Tsubame left me some onions in my bag just in case," Yahiko whispered, pulling out a small bento box with nothing but eight onion slices in it. "She says I have to eat them all tonight or they'll go bad."

"I'll help," Kaoru said, stacking some on top of her rice. "Not a fan of onions and rice, but I'm so hungry that I don't care." Of course it was a lie, but it was better than nothing. They took four each and began to eat. Yahiko had hidden the box inside his bag.

"So," He said, swallowing. "How come you didn't drink any sake?"

"I… don't like it," Kaoru replied. She did, but she wasn't there… All these lies were starting to grate on her.

"Me neither," Yahiko said. Sano chugged down a whole bottle in a competition with Saitou. It's incredible the way Saitou can drink. It's like he's some kind of freak who never gets drunk."

"In other words," Kaoru responded. "Sanosuke lost."

"Yeah," Yahiko said. "-and Saitou will probably never let it go. He says-" He imitated Saitou's voice in a mocking way, "you aren't a real man unless you can drink like one."

Kaoru laughed. "Yeah, but what to do you bet his wife could drink him under the table!"

The two roared with laughter.

Saitou looked up from his spot across the room.

Kaoru and Yahiko became completely silent after two chopsticks flew into the wall next to their heads.


	12. Eleven: Suspicion

Chapter 11: Suspicion

Morning once again came too early, but Kaoru crawled out from under her blankets and stood, faking her readiness for battle. The soreness in her arms had faded quite a bit, though there was still a bit of pain.

After being led out to the dark training field, she discovered that the punching bags of sorts had been removed, and they were now standing in an empty field like they were when the first arrived.

"Today," Shoji said in the haughty, business way he usually did, "you will be training with your weapons. Try not to hurt anybody too badly. Megumi-san is here to help the injured."

Megumi was sitting on the steps, looking rather angry at Shoji. Kaoru figured that since Megumi tended to hold a grudge, she'd be like this for a few days. They didn't get along usually, but truth be told, Megumi was her closest friend.

"Don't go all out like a madman please," Shoji told them, though his eyes glanced at Kenshin who looked very offended by the remark and took hold of his sakabatou. "Try and learn some skills. If you've never been taught, try and learn from the people around you…" He yawned and plopped down next to Megumi. "Begin."

Kaoru wasn't sure what type of training this was, sending all the men into a frenzy of unplanned battle with anyone they caught sight of. It was fairly unorthodox, but she supposed that maybe this would help… after all, most battles in the Bakumatsu weren't planned either.

She sensed someone approaching and took hold of the katana she'd been given. It took her a lot longer to draw than most, since she never carried an actual blade, and her arms were sore, but she swung it out and blocked an attack from…

"Saitou…" She whispered, horrified.

"Allow me to teach you a few things, boy," He said, pulling his blade back and slashing at her.

Trying to remain calm, she kept Kenshin's fight with him in mind, remembering his moves and trying to judge the best way to avoid and counter them.

She managed to dodge the first swipe without injury, but the second one left a scratch on her shoulder as she ran. Her moves weren't fast enough with the heavy sword instead of her lightweight boken.

In defense, she swung up, and the two blades crashed against each other.

Saitou smirked. "You fight fairly well. It's almost as if… you've done it before."

Was he on to her?

She broke the clash and jumped back. "I'm just a quick learner," She told him in her toughest voice, "like the fact that I now know how you're impossible to get along with."

"Honestly," He said, coming at her. "You could come up with something better than that, right?"

"Lay off," She said. "I just woke up."

"A warrior must be ready for anything," Saitou told her, clashing blades with her again. "Like the fact that not everyone is going to go easy on you."

"I said I was tired, not stupid, Hajime-sensei," She said, turning her blade and breaking his stance. She'd learned that move from watching Kenshin. She hoped he was watching, and that he'd be impressed.

"Maybe you've watched a lot of fights?" Saitou questioned, raising his eyebrows, and looking fairly entertained. "You can't honestly say you've never in your life been taught swordsmanship or done any of it."

"Sure can," She lied. She definitely couldn't tell him honestly, but after all the lying, she'd become quite good at it and look the part. It wasn't as hard to lie to Saitou as it was to her friends.

"Oh, so you ARE a liar," He said, his wolfish eyes glittering.

"What?" She yelped as he passed her, leaving a scratch on her face.

As she turned around, he was right in front of her, so close that she almost bumped into him. She hadn't ever noticed just how tall he was until now.

"I was leader of the third squadron of the Shinsengumi, and you actually expect me to believe the nonsense you're putting out?" He leaned over so that they could meet eye to eye. "Okita Soji was the only man with that kind of skill on his first try, and you've got a long way to go before you catch up to him."

She couldn't believe it. She'd been using Kamiya Kasshin-ryu and watching sword battles for years now, and she was only up to the level of Okita Soji in his earliest years. Yes, he was a prodigy, but it was painful to know that she didn't stand a chance against Saitou. She'd been hit twice when he was going easy on her.

"I've seen a lot of fights, but I've never actually been in one," She told him, trying to look as truthful and serious as she could.

"Why?" Saitou asked, grabbing her wrist and lifting her left hand. "Afraid you'll break a nail?"

She couldn't believe it…again.

He'd just let his guard down to mock her. Apparently, he didn't think of her as much of a threat.

She swung her weapon high in the air and brought it down on his shoulder, only to find his blade shove it away. Maybe he hadn't dropped his guard after all.

"I respect the fact that you put forth an effort, but you should probably go find someone else to fight who's more at your level, like Sagara."

She glared at him. Sano never used a sword. She knew darn well she was better at it than him.

Saitou walked away and stepped up next to Aoshi. "I see you're still just watching."

"Even the most skilled can't always tell right away," Aoshi responded blankly.

A man yelped and ran from the crowd, hands over his head… and collided with Kaoru full force.

When he looked down, he was hovering over her with his legs on either side of her, and his hands above her shoulders.

"Woah!" He cried, jumping up. "Talk about your awkward position. So sorry, are you okay?"

The man helped her up. He was taller than her and dressed in a black kimono with white hakama tied over it. His socks matched his shirt.

His brown hair had been tied up high in the back with white string and curled around his face in split ends. His face was quite youthful with bright green bambi-eyes.

"Um, I'm Tomi, and I'm really sorry," He told her, blushing in embarrassment.

She stared at him perplexedly for a long time. _Who IS this guy?_

"Um… I'm Kahei… Kasuhige Kahei," She told him.

"I'm Tomi… Oh, I already told you that, didn't I," He said, blushing even deeper. He seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"Yeah… you did… Are you just a young guy, new here?" She asked, expecting him to be about fifteen just like her persona and Yahiko.

"Actually, no…" He told her in his little voice that he'd been speaking with since the very beginning. "I'm twenty-six."

"WHA-! REALLY!" It was like Kenshin all over again. She had the urge to ask him if he used Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu, but figured it was a no anyways.

"Yeah… heh… Weird, huh… Well, err--- bye-"

"Wait!"

"Huh?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder.

"I need a training partner. I promise not to hurt you," She told him. Maybe she could teach him a few things. That would up her confidence level again, surely.

"Well… okay…" He said, drawing his blade. "You better not!"

"I promise," She told him. "I'm a beginner!" She giggled. Wow, lying came so naturally, she worried she wouldn't be able to break the habit after she left.

"All right…" He said, steadying his sword. "Here I come…"

He ran rather fast but clumsily and ended up tripping on his pants leg and falling on his face.

"Are you okay?" Kaoru asked, helping him to his feet.

"Sorry," He said, blushing and rubbing his neck. "I'm not very good at this."

_That's for sure,_ Kaoru thought.

He chuckled slightly and picked up his dropped weapon. "I'm such a butterfingers. I can't hang on to anything, heh…"

Kaoru laughed. "That's because you're not holding it right."

"Oh… Can you show me?" He asked, his green eyes wide with wonder, as if she was speaking the logic from the heavens.

"Sure," She said and proceeded to teaching him the basics of holding a weapon.

After about five minutes, he had it down perfectly, though by this point, he seemed tired. The man had to have been the weakest person she'd ever met, but he was so sweet and kind with a cute smile that it didn't phase her a bit.

"I like you, Kahei-kun," He told her as he swung the weapon a bit. "You're one of the few guys who're nice to me here."

She clapped her blade against his. "I try. I guess it's best to have somebody to get along with in times of conflict, otherwise you're not ready to fight. Insults can really have a way of bringing you down if you don't have someone there to assure you that it's not true."

He agreed, jumping back and making another go at her. He didn't trip this time, and they actually started into combat for a few minutes.

"By the way, Tomi-kun," She told him, countering his attack and forcing him down onto the ground. "I like you too."

"Swell," He told her, beaming at her from the ground and panting.

"Don't think I'll go easy on you though," She jokingly threatened.

"I'm going to become stronger, I promise. This is my chance to become tough enough to protect what I have back at home. I can't keep being the weak little coward I've always been, heh-heh."

Kaoru helped him up. "What do you have at home?"

"My girlfriend," He blushed. "My koibito… she's waiting for me back in Tokyo. When I get home, I plan to make her mine forever… but you don't want to hear about that! It's girly!" He laughed proudly.

_Well, I thought it was sweet,_ Kaoru thought. _Then again, I AM a girl…I need to stop thinking like a girl._

His laugh transcended into a coughing fit, but he waved it off, still snickering a bit. "Sorry, sorry…" He coughed.

"Fujisaki, Tomi!" Megumi's voice called.

Tomi glanced up innocently as she approached. "You need to come with me now."

"Again?" He questioned sadly. "I'll… s-see you later, Kahei-kun."

…and he was gone.

-

When she arrived at the river, Tenka was already there with a fire started, cooking fish that he had bought from the market. He was overjoyed to see her when she arrived and waved for her to sit and eat with him before she bathed.

Who could say no after training like that, especially with nothing but a small bowl of rice waiting back at home?

He asked her questions about her day, wondering if it was good or not, if anyone was mad at her, if she made any new comrades and the like, and she answered happily. There was something about him that she knew she could trust, and intuition in her told her so.

"That drawing I did of you," He told her. "I sold it today."

"What? Really?" She exclaimed. "That fast!"

"People love beauty," Tenka said, waving his fish at her then taking a bite out of it, "and I love people who will pay me enough so I can buy fish."

"Did you feel obligated to share it with me or something?" She asked.

"-but of course, Kaoru-chan," Tenka chimed. "I'll continue to share if you pose for some more pictures for me. All I need is to do some sketches until I get the feel of it down, and then I can draw without a guide."

Kaoru leaned her back against a rock and sighed. "Kenshin's team doesn't come to the hot springs for another two hours… I almost wanted to go spy on him…"

"Kenshin…?" He questioned, wide-eyed.

"Ah!" Kaoru blushed. "Oh, don't listen to me! I'm just being silly!"

"This…" He said, smiling somewhat slyly, "this Kenshin person… You must be in love with him or something."

"No!… Well, yeah… I think…" She mumbled.

"Is Kenshin the only team leader you know?" Tenka asked.

"Oh, no. There's Aoshi's team, and then I'm stuck on Saitou's team," She grumbled.

"Really…?" He said, sounding half-interested. His eyes glittered. His voice portrayed only part of the fascination his eyes played.

"Yeah," Kaoru said, chomping down on one of the fish, not noticing.

He closed his eyes and smiled brightly. "Aoshi, Saitou, and Kenshin. That sounds like a crackpot team. Who tells them what to do?"

"Oh… Shoji-SAMA," She said, rolling her eyes.

The color drained from his face. "Shoji!" He regained his composure before she caught on that he'd even lost it. "Well…"

She waited for him to finish, but when he didn't, she shrugged and finished her meal, then went out to bathe in the still freezing water.

_Well, this is definitely an interesting turn of events…_ He thought, writing some words down on the page opposite of his exquisite sketches of Kaoru. _Yes… indeed…_


	13. Twelve: Stay Away

Chapter 12: Stay Away

"Sessha's been distracted lately," Kenshin told Aoshi as he began to undress. Aoshi had just finished up and was redressing. "Sessha can't concentrate."

"Don't moan your problems to me, Battousai," Aoshi replied quietly as he pulled his jacket on. "Try putting your concentration on something other than what you left behind."

"Left behind?" He asked, pulling his hair down and wrapping the tie around his hand.

"That woman of yours," Aoshi said. "That's all you've been thinking about."

"Sessha supposes that's true…" Kenshin mumbled. "He's seeing Kaoru-dono in everyone, which sounds really insulting."

Aoshi took his cue to walk away. "Like I said, don't moan your problems to me. Talk to someone who cares."

"Oro…" Kenshin mumbled, stepping into the hot spring and sinking in, rubbing his aching joints. "Maybe if sessha had some _time_ to talk to someone who cares…"

-

Kaoru finished her bowl of rice quickly, though after the fish she wasn't hungry. She knew that she wouldn't be eating until the next night.

As she returned her bowl, she sighed. _I feel weird… I really want to see Kenshin right now…_She went back to her futon where Yahiko sat, still eating.

"What's the matter?" Yahiko asked, his mouth full of food. Of course he'd forget his manners.

"Nothing," She said. "I just feel down I guess. Don't worry about it."

"Whatever," Yahiko shrugged.

"Kahei-kun!" A cheerful voice rang over the crowd of men heading for their food.

She looked up. "Oh… Tomi…"

He plopped down in front of her and Yahiko and beamed. "Sorry I had to run off earlier."

"Megumi called you away," Kaoru said. "Why?"

"Oh, it's not a big deal. She's always doing that. Even back in Tokyo, she was always checking on me and ruining my moments with my koibito."

"Hey, I know you," Yahiko said. "You're Tae-san's boyfriend!"

"What? Tae-san?" Kaoru exclaimed. She didn't even know Tae was even seeing anyone, much less that it was Tomi.

"Heh-heh… yeah…" He said, blushing. "Tae is my girlfriend…"

"Really? I don't believe it!" Kaoru exclaimed. "She didn't even mention anything!"

"Well, I'm not a very public person… I'm always inside usually. No one would even know who I am…"

"I didn't even know your name," Yahiko said. "I'd just seen you two together a lot."

Tomi seemed quite proud. "I'm glad we've been seen together. That's the only way I want to be seen. I'm incomplete without her on my arm."

Yahiko rolled his eyes and laughed. "She's always bragging about how sweet you are to Tsubame."

"Oh, that's right, you're Tsubame's boyfriend, Yahiko, right?"

"Y-yeah…" He replied, blushing.

Kaoru smiled at both of them. Boys in love. If only she could snag a certain red-head… Well, it definitely wasn't going to happen here, and she'd accepted that, but it still would've been nice to be cared for that way.

"So, why is Megumi always calling you away?" Yahiko asked. "She's constantly taking you away from Tae-san."

"Oh…" He said slowly, and was silent for a second. "I'm really weak. I guess she thinks that's a problem."

"That's odd," Yahiko said. "Are you telling us the truth?"

Tomi was wandering away.

"HEY!" Yahiko yelled, getting his 'I'm going to bite your head' face.

Kaoru smiled in embarrassment, then stared off after Tomi with a serious expression. _Talk about a peculiar guy…He's hiding something…_

Kaoru was laying in bed, almost asleep, when Kenshin's team returned. She opened her blue eyes and stared as they headed up the stairs to the room where they would be fed. Kenshin was the last one in the building, and he didn't look well. He walked slowly, slumped over and deep in thought.

She reached out and took hold of his pant leg.

He turned to look at her, somewhat startled. "Oh…" He mumbled.

"Are you okay?" She asked concernedly.

After a moment, he nodded. "Yes… Sessha is fine. Just thinking."

"Well… okay…" She said, letting go.

He took a step, froze, looked back, and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something.

"Yes?" She asked, blushing.

He took a deep breath, then sighed. "It's nothing," He told her, smiling. "Sessha is just… missing someone he had to leave behind…"

Kaoru blushed even deeper. _Is he talking about me?…_ "Hey, man, weren't you the one giving that speech about leaving them behind?"

"Yes," He said, chuckling somewhat sadly. "I suppose I was."

Kaoru laid back down. "I'm sorry…" She wished she could tell him the truth, but she knew it would jeopardize her situation. He'd end up forcing her into the background while he did everything he could to protect her and end up losing his mind. She didn't want that. She wanted the opposite!

"You don't have to be sorry," He smiled. "Sleep well. You've got an early start tomorrow."

She nodded, shutting her eyes.

Kenshin stared at her and then shook his head, heading up the rest of the steps. Aoshi glanced at him as he passed on the second floor.

"Sessha needs to stop seeing her in men…" He whispered. "He has to be going crazy, and she'd be very insulted if she found out…"

"You are going crazy," Aoshi told him. "You're talking to yourself. Shut up."

Kenshin slumped a bit and didn't protest.

He was a lot more sane than he thought.

-

Kaoru had a dream that night.

She was standing in the middle of a battlefield, and many men surrounded her, dead. She ran to get away, but it seemed to never end. The blood red sky towered over her, black clouds billowing in circles.

"Kaoru…" A voice called.

She looked up upon the hill of corpses she was climbing and met eyes with a golden-eyed demon.

"Battousai…" She yelped. "You've gone mad, Kenshin!"

"All will pay for the crimes they have committed," He said, though it wasn't in his voice. It was some sort of beast's voice (dreams often distorted things greatly). "Including you."

He swung his bloody sword down upon her.

"Kenshin, NO!" She cried.

"Ah," She choked, snapping her eyes open and gasping for air. She'd been worrying about it too much. "Okay… I just need to look at things logically…" She rose into a sitting position. "Kenshin would never act like that, not even if he was out for blood… There aren't that many people here, and the sky never looks red like that…"

She plopped back down and let out a sigh of relief. "Yeah… looking at things logically always help make bad dreams go away…" She pulled her blankets over her. "Still… I can't help feeling worried… as if it's a sign…" She shut her eyes. "I can't let that happen…"

Saitou slid open his door a crack and peeked through, narrowing his eyes.

"Damn it…" He whispered. "You're full of mysteries and surprises, aren't you…"

-

Kaoru was starting to get used to getting up early, and now her arms didn't hurt at all. She already felt much stronger than she used to.

She managed to break the punching bag of sorts in half the time it took her last time.

The man that finished seconds before her seemed cocky, slicking his brown hair back on his head. "You think you got what it takes to beat me, boy?" He asked, his blue eyes glimmering.

Kaoru didn't retort. She'd learned better than that on her first day.

The guy straightened his light-green shirt, readied his bandaged fists, and ran at her.

She dodged him, sliding her sandals through the dirt.

The guy tried for an upper cut, but Kaoru dodged, ducked, and swung, nailing him in the face.

"Weak," She said flatly.

"Good work, Kasuhige," Shoji's voice called. "Nice improvement."

_He just gave me a compliment!_ She thought, shocked.

"BRAT!" The guy yelled, punching her in the gut. She hadn't recovered fast enough to dodge.

Her eyes narrowed. "Son of a…" That was when her foot 'accidentally' landed in the man's 'happy place'.

As he curled up on the ground, letting out little squeaks of pain, she smacked her hands together and grinned. "I am not a brat."

"Nice job, Kasuhige," Shoji said, putting his long-fingered hand on her shoulder. "It's about time you started getting up to par with the others."

_He's bad at giving compliments,_ She said to herself.

"Ah… t…thank you?"

"Now get to work," He said, lowering any amiability that was in his voice to nothing. "-and you-" He told the man on the ground. "Come with me."

Kaoru knew that man was about to be hung by his wrists.

"Sir," She called. "I… I don't think that's necessary, sir… I mean, it's not that big a deal…"

"Do you want to hang next to him, Kasuhige?"

"No, sir… but he didn't do anything to be punished. He has no reason to-" She began.

He smacked her across the face. "Do not question my ways, boy, or I'll hang you up there all night."

She held her face and glared at him. "Yes, sir…" She mumbled, scowling. He walked away. "Hard ass."

"Kahei-kun, are you okay?" Tomi asked, approaching her slowly.

"Yeah," She replied dryly. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, Megumi-san…"

"Again?" Kaoru asked straightening his gi for him. The boy was sloppy with everything he did, though she could tell he tried not to be. "What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing!" He cried defensively, holding up his hands. "She just worries too much, really!"

Kaoru watched him for a second, then sighed. "Oh… okay…" She said hesitantly, walking away.

Tomi let out a sigh.

Kaoru made her way through the crowd, when her wrist was grabbed roughly and suddenly, and she was pulled back to face Megumi.

"Ah-" Kaoru began.

"Listen to me. I want you to stay away from Fujisaki Tomi," She said sternly.

"Huh? Why?" Kaoru retorted.

"I'm looking out for your health. Stay away from him."

"…but…" Kaoru looked over in Tomi's direction. Her eyes widened when she saw him hunched over, coughing. Megumi pushed Kaoru aside and went to aide him.

Kaoru stared, trying to see what was going on, but a hand on her shoulder led her away. Only when she took her eyes off of Tomi and Megumi did she see a most unexpected face.

"S-Saitou!" She yelped.

"Don't look," He told her.

"Look at what?"

"Just listen to the woman. She knows what she's talking about. Go on and find something better to do with your time." He shoved her away from him.

"…but… Tomi's my friend…" She muttered.


	14. Thirteen: The Strong and the Weak

Chapter 13: The Strong and the Weak

The next few days went by without much excitement… Well, if there was any, Kaoru hadn't been paying attention. She was spending her time trying to find a way to get to Tomi and find out what was truly wrong with him. She knew he'd been avoiding the subject, but now it seemed he was avoiding her, and everybody else for that matter.

After yet another day of failing to snag his attention, she went to bathe.

"Kaoru-chan!" Tenka said, his eyes lighting up. He seemed so delighted to see her all the time. It was quite refreshing compared to the jerks she dealt with daily.

"H… Hey," She said, smiling in embarrassment. She figured she'd be excited too if she was a guy getting to see a girl naked every day.

"I've brought some beef and vegetables. Once you're done bathing, I'll be finished cooking this stew."

"Great," She said, removing her clothing and bandages and taking a run into the water.

Tenka laughed cheerfully. "Did you have a good day?"

"Same old, same old," She told him, scrubbing her arm with soap. "I still can't get close enough to Tomi to talk to him. I see him, sure, but it's as if I blink and he's gone."

"Maybe it'd be best if you listen to Megumi-san and Saitou," Tenka said, stirring his stew in his large black pot.

"-but they won't tell me anything," She said, sighing. "Tomi is the only one I think I could get it out of. I don't know what the big secret is… Besides, if he's sick, shouldn't he be at home?"

"People are cruel… they'll get what they want with the right amount of force," He replied solemnly.

"Why would they bring sick people onto the battlefield? That'd be stupid!" Kaoru complained.

"I guess it's to test the strength of every man…" Tenka's voice was even more depressed. "Even a sick man could make a difference between victory and defeat…"

She looked toward the shore at him. "…but…"

"It's a principal that some follow… The strong live to feed off of the weak."

Her eyes widened, and all that could be heard for awhile was the water and the wind in the trees.

"If…" Tenka finally continued. "If… you're weak… they'll make sure… you're gotten rid of… if you're strong… they'll find some way to make you an aide to their mission… unless you're the strongest."

Tenka… was crying…

"Tenka…" She whispered.

"What… What's so wrong with being weak!" He sobbed, running his hand into his dark hair and trembling. "What's the point of being strong if you can't help anybody?"

She stepped onto the shore and pulled her towel around her.

"Tenka…" She dropped down behind him and wrapped her arms around him. "It'll be okay…"

He opened his eyes in surprise, then put his hand against hers.

She blushed in embarrassment, thinking she may have gone overboard.

"I'm sorry," He said, smiling half-heartedly. "I shouldn't get so emotional."

She got up and went behind the rocks to change. "It's a subject to get emotional about. People shouldn't treat other people like animals."

"It's been going on since history began," He replied, pouring two bowls of stew.

She emerged, fully dressed and plopped down next to him.

"I alone can't change that," He finished, handing her bowl to her. "I'll do my best to make it better though."

She slurped the stew slowly, watching him as if he'd disappear if she blinked. They had become friends yes, but she'd never heard anything too deep about him. He'd opened up to her. His smile wasn't so empty, though his eyes quickly retreated to the blank look they usually had.

"I outdid myself," He remarked on the stew.

"How can I… help protect the weak like you… and Kenshin…?"

"Why, Kaoru-chan," He said, turning to her. "You already are."

"Hm?" She questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"You most of all, I'd bet. You care about people," He said. "That alone can help save people. Just love and care."

"I'm not doing much…"

"Well, that is why you followed Himura into battle, isn't it"

She looked up, stunned. "K-Kenshin?"

"None other. He's the one you love. You told me that much, and since you care about him and love him, you followed him into battle, leaving behind your female life, just to keep him alive."

"-but Kenshin-"

"-is weaker than many realize."

"Weaker?"

Tenka smiled at her. "I'll leave the rest up to you to find out. I need to leave you now. I have an appointment."

"O…Okay…" She whispered. _Kenshin… is weaker than many realize…What did he mean by that? Kenshin is the strongest person I know!_

She finished her meal in a hurry and took off back towards the camp. _I…I need to talk to him… I need to hear his voice… I don't know why, but…Kenshin!_

Tenka had taken the opposite direction of Kaoru, walking quickly.

"Hey!" A voice called to him from in the tree next to him. He stopped. "Where have you been?"

"Just sharing a dinner with a friend of mine," He responded simply.

"If you keep this kind of talk up, you're going to slip up," The young voice told him.

"I won't slip up. Just because I'm not shinobi, doesn't mean I don't have cunning, dear," He replied. "Going under my penname helps too, don't you think?"

"Just get back into town. We'll continue this conversation over tea. I've gotten some information too."

-

Kaoru was the first one back to camp from her team. Both Aoshi's team and Kenshin's team were still fighting. She couldn't see Kenshin anywhere and immediately headed up towards the temple. She thought that that was where she'd find him, but instead she found something else.

Sliding open the front door a bit, she started to call out his name, but was interrupted.

"You can't do this anymore!" Megumi yelled. "He can't go out and train with them! He needs to go home!"

"He will train like every other man here!" Shoji retorted.

Kaoru spotted Tomi laying on his futon, panting and sweating. She didn't realize just how pale he'd always been until now.

"I can't allow that! For the sake of his health, please-"

"I will not send any man home! Is that clear!"

"What use would he be to you! He's ill! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!"

"Are you questioning my ways, Takani!" He yelled, taking hold of the hilt of his blade.

Kaoru's eyes widened.

"I'll shut you up if you want it that way!"

Kaoru burst through the door and ran in front of Megumi, holding her arms out in defense. "STOP!" She screamed, her face heating in rage.

Shoji seemed frozen from the sudden intrusion. It obviously wasn't expected.

He let go of his weapon. "Why are you back so soon, Kasuhige?"

"Soon? I think I got here just in time, you heartless bastard!"

"You'd better shut up," Megumi whispered in her ear.

Kaoru glanced at Megumi from the corner of her eye, then looked back at Shoji.

"Heartless bastard? What a colorful vocabulary. I suppose that's to be expected from low-class street trash like yourself."

Kaoru took hold of her weapon. "Hey, you! You wanna take this outside! I'm protecting people, what good are you doing!"

"Protecting the weak!"

"It's my job as a human being! The weak need us to protect them so the corrupt people in high places don't eliminate them!"

Shoji raised his eyebrows, half-interested. "Yes, very colorful. I didn't realize you were such a speech giver, Kasuhige… but pretty words mean nothing unless you can back them up."

Kaoru stepped back once and got into stance. From the sound of his voice, he was ready to fight her.

Megumi stepped out from behind her. "I can't let this go on. Both of you stop this."

Shoji looked at her for a moment, and then did something that angered Kaoru even more.

SMACK! He hit Megumi so hard that she fell down and left a red mark on her cheek.

"Son of a…" Kaoru whispered again, hardly able to control herself.

"Stop this… NOW."

They both froze and looked into the wide open doorway. Kenshin stood, his shadowy figure seeming cold and far away from them. His golden eyes threatened their movement, so nobody dared an advance.

"If you don't, I will be required to use force." He slowly walked into the room, looking larger and more dangerous than he usually did.

"Himura Battousai," Shoji greeted sternly, sheathing his weapon. Kaoru hadn't even realized he'd pulled it out. In fact, she was shocked to see that she too had removed her weapon.

"His name is Kenshin," She said defensively.

"I don't need you to stick up for my name," Kenshin said dryly, glaring at both of them.

"Ken-san," Megumi muttered, getting up off of the floor.

"Both of you get out," Kenshin said.

"You're not my master, Himura," Shoji said.

"I said… get out," He said gruffly, using his thumb to draw his sword out of the sheath a bit.

Kaoru didn't move either, mainly because she was frozen from fear. Battousai was here, and he brought that empty, cold aura along with him.

Shoji stepped in front of him, his height difference quite obvious, yet Kenshin looked much scarier.

"Do you have something to say to me?" Kenshin asked, void of all emotion.

_I have to do something… I'm quickly losing Kenshin, and I can't… move…_

Shoji punched him on the right side of his face, and he fell, coughing blood onto the floor. Kenshin's eyes flared like fire, and he drew his weapon.

"A fight with the Battousai would be fun right now," Shoji said, grinning, "but I've got men to train. I suggest you get in line, boy, or I'll hang you by your neck, not your wrists."

"Go back to hell," Kenshin replied, putting his weapon away.

Shoji walked out without a scratch on him. Kaoru felt like screaming.

Kenshin turned towards her, his golden eyes beaming at her through the damp, half-lit room. They returned to their original color, wide and concerned. "Kahei."

"Don't…" She whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks. It was the only word she could get out of her mouth, and the confrontation had already ended.

Kenshin stepped towards her. Megumi rubbed her jaw. "Um… if you could, both of you continue this outside. I have a patient."

Kaoru couldn't say anything. Kenshin signaled her with his head to follow him. She did.

They went around where the people were punished, and she sheathed her weapon, realizing hit hadn't been.

"Sessha… is sorry…" He whispered. "He lost control for a while."

She didn't say anything. Her heart ached. She felt like she'd almost lost him and that it would most certainly happen again.

"Sessha… cannot change who he is… no matter how hard he tries… he will be what he is until death."

"NO!" She yelled, sobbing.

He looked into her eyes. "You aren't Battousai anymore! You're Kenshin! You help people, not hurt them! Everyone can change, and I know that includes you too!"

"-but, sessha cannot forget what he's done-"

"I know you can't forget, but you make up for it! We all make mistakes, but you… y-you were good enough to take responsibility and try to make up for it… instead of blaming it on the weak and having them destroyed… You're not a heartless hitokiri… You're just a man… like all of the people here…"

Kenshin passed her, blood, dripping down his chin. "Sessha… doesn't know if he can believe you or not… but he hopes that one day he can… but… try not to stir up anymore trouble. Sessha couldn't forgive himself if you were injured by that horrible bastard that leads our troops."

Kaoru hung her head. "Well… neither could I… so you'd better not fight with him anymore either, okay?"

He looked back at her and smiled. "Okay."

Kaoru smiled and wiped her tears away. "Heh… I'm such a wuss, eh, Himura? I promised myself I wouldn't do the crying thing."

"No," He laughed. "The strongest of people will cry when the feel sad. That is what makes me weak…"

_"Kenshin… is weaker than many realize."_

(A/N: w00t! I'm on a roll! I revealed a little more about Tenka and more about Shoji too. Thank you all SO MUCH for the reviews you've given me. I am SO GRATEFUL, I mean it. I love you guys so much for sticking with me. I work really hard, and it's you guys that help keep me going. I'll try and continue writing fics you guys like as long as I possibly can. When I first started writing, I never dreamed ANY of my stories would be popular like this. I was especially wary of "Just Your Average Teenage Samurai" which I know some of you have read. Now, check that story out. It's about to hit the 300 mark in reviews, and I have have you guys to thank. This one's about to hit the 100 mark itself, and I couldn't be more proud. Thank you all so much. Really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You've supported me and helped me get better. Lots of love, guys! 3)


	15. Fourteen: Fujisaki Tomi's Curse

Chapter 14: Fujisaki Tomi's Curse

A week went by. Kaoru stayed as far from Shoji as humanly possible and managed to get nothing more than cold glares from him. She was quickly gaining strength, and that was good to her, since if or when she did end up facing off against Shoji, she didn't want to get slaughtered. After all, he never seemed to be doing much more than observing.

As the days went on, she began to realize how tired she felt every day. At first she thought it was her, but she was quickly beginning to see lots of the men dragging themselves out of bed in the morning and even going so far as skipping dinner to get more sleep. One of these people was Yahiko.

Since Yahiko was more into sleeping now, Kaoru spent a lot of her time talking to Sanosuke who was apparently used to late nights and early mornings. Megumi was too busy checking over many of the men for wounds, and so Kaoru was lucky when she managed to get a conversation with Tomi.

He walked up on her and Sano unnoticed. "Hi…" He greeted in a small voice, smiling a bit weakly.

"Tomi!" Kaoru cried excitedly, her eyes glittering.

He sat down, a bit apart from the crowd and folded his white hands in his lap.

"It's been awhile," Tomi said. "I'm sorry…"

"It wasn't your fault," Kaoru said, her smile fading a bit. He didn't look too good, but he seemed in good spirits.

"Yeah… Hey, I got to write home! How lucky am I?" He practically sang. "I wrote a letter to Tae, told her how we're all doing."

"Did you get a reply?" Kaoru asked, beaming.

"No. We're not allowed to have letters sent to us. It was only a lucky strike that I got to even send one out. You know how people have to keep the information about stuff under wraps and all."

Kaoru nodded. "Yeah."

"If I ever get to write again, I'll send a letter to your folks too, Kahei-kun."

"Oh, I don't have anybody back in Tokyo," She said, shaking her head.

"Someone as nice as you? That's too bad," Tomi said. "K…Kahei-kun, let's go for a walk outside."

-

It was just the two of them walking around the building in the night. It was very warm out, and the moon was large and full in the sky.

"I've never been a very strong person," Tomi told her as they slowly strolled around. "I've become much weaker now… but I'm going to remain strong… I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"You… You're always so strong willed and ready for anything. You inspired me to be stronger, Kahei-kun."

"Stronger…" She whispered.

"I don't want to shrivel away in fear. I want to be strong for my Tae, and you are constantly proving that the little guy can overcome the odds… I… I saw how you reacted when Shoji hurt Megumi-san… The way you threw yourself in front of her as if you'd rather die than see someone unable to defend themselves get hurt… I find that… really noble." He sat down on the porch, and Kaoru sat next to him. They both stared up at the moon.

"I'm not that noble… I just try to follow what Kenshin does… I just never realized that he's not as strong as everyone thinks he is until he told me that the strong will cry when they're hurt…"

"The weak will sometimes go void of their emotions, so there's not anything for the bigger guys to pick at," Tomi said, sighing. "The moon… is so beautiful tonight…"

"Yeah… I don't usually get to appreciate it," Kaoru replied. "What are you thinking about?"

"Tae…" He responded, barely above a whisper. "She's constantly on my mind. She makes me stronger too… I think love does that. I love you as if you were my own brother, Kahei-kun."

Kaoru glanced at him, covering her mouth. _Why do I feel like crying?_

"I know that when you fall in love, you'll take care of that person really well."

"I… I'm already in love…" She replied.

"Really?" He asked, sounding delighted.

"Yeah… but you can't tell anyone…"

"I won't."

"I'm in love… with Kenshin…"

"Oh…" Tomi said, smiling at her. "That's wonderful! Good choice, heh-heh! I didn't know you liked men though, I'm surprised."

Kaoru gave a half-hearted chuckle. "It doesn't matter what I like… I'm not here to gush over him… I'm here… to protect him… because that's what love makes you do. Crazy shit."

Tomi laid down on the porch, his legs dangling off the side and his hands folded on his stomach. "Well, just to see that smile… a lover will do anything…"

"Just to see… that smile…" Kaoru whispered, closing her eyes and smiling. "You're really in love…"

"Yeah… but I never got to kiss her," Tomi said.

"What? Never?" Kaoru exclaimed, looking at him.

"Nah… probably never will, either," He replied, not the least bit upset. "I have my reasons, and she knows them. Besides, the best kind of love is the kind that can be shared without saying or doing anything. A simple walk together, hand in hand, should send chills up your spine if you really like this person."

"Tomi, I need to tell you the truth," Kaoru turned to him. "I--- I'm really not-"

The door slid open. Megumi looked livid.

"Both of you get inside! Fujisaki!"

Tomi laughed and stood. "We were just talking, Megumi-san. I'm doing well today, so you don't have to worry."

Kaoru stopped him by grabbing his wrist as Megumi disappeared.

"I'm a girl," She told him in a whisper. "Don't tell anyone else."

Tomi looked astonished for a moment, then he laughed. "I won't!"

She didn't understand why listening to him made her want to cry. There was something about his voice that made her feel she'd never hear it again, but then he would speak, and the feeling would come in and out like the waves of the sea. It concerned her deeply, that her heart would ache. Truly, he was like family to her too, and she hoped they would become very close when they went home.

-

"EVERYONE GET UP!" Shoji's voice yelled as he came down the stairs. "Everyone up! First floor! Now! Everybody get down here NOW!"

The second and third floors trudged down while the first floor tiredly pulled themselves out of bed. The sun had not risen yet.

Shoji lit candles so that they could see.

"What's going on?" Kenshin asked.

"Word of our location has leaked out," Shoji told them. "We fear the armies are on the way to attack us."

"What!" Kenshin cried, and horrified gasps traveled throughout the crowd.

"There's a spy among us," Shoji said, his eyes narrowing.

Kaoru put her hand on her heart. "A spy…"

"Who do you think it could be?" Yahiko whispered.

"Any of us," Kaoru replied nervously.

Shoji looked around the group and withdrew his blade. "If that is indeed you, spy, then speak now and step up, or I'll be forced to find out for myself."

Everyone just looked at each other in silence. The air was thick with the unspoken feelings of anxiety each man was feeling.

"Of course… I've got a pretty good idea," Shoji said. "Fujisaki Tomi. Step forward."

"TOMI!" Kaoru gasped.

"Sir, you can't possibly think that!" Tomi cried in his defense.

"You're the only one who's sent out any form of communication," Shoji responded irritably.

"-but Megumi-san checked the letter!" Tomi yelped, horrified.

"Fujisaki-san's telling the truth, Shoji-sama!" Megumi defended. "He's not a spy! He was just writing home to his lover!"

Tomi was breathing heavily, tears in his eyes. "I didn't say anything about our location or our methods, I promise!"

"Why should I believe you?" Shoji snarled, looking at Tomi as if he was some disgusting creature.

"Because he's certainly more trustworthy than you!" Kaoru yelled, stepping forward in his defense.

"Kahei, no!" Yahiko said.

"What if it's you?" Shoji asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm not a spy!" Kaoru cried.

"Can you prove it?"

She was silent. How could she prove it?

"I haven't leaked out any information! How could I?"

"Hey, come to think of it," One of the men said, "he's always going missing. I never see him at the hot springs."

Tenka came to mind. Her eyes widened as she discovered how comfortable she'd gotten with him… maybe… she WAS the spy… and she didn't…even…know it…

"I've always been a bit suspicious of you myself," Shoji said, looking all too pleased to discover this angle and tapping his sword on his shoulder.

She looked around, feeling all eyes upon her. Her heart pounded against her chest, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"NO!" Tomi sobbed. "I know Kahei-kun isn't out to hurt us! I'd… rather take the blame then let him be hurt!"

Kaoru gasped again. "NO, TOMI!"

"Leave him alone!" Tomi yelled, withdrawing his weapon.

Shoji raised his eyebrows in interest. "I knew you weren't as weak as you were playing. I know better than to send home any man."

Megumi glowered at him. "I can't advise this," She said sternly.

"Well, you aren't leading this army, wench."

"Son of a bitch!" Sano yelled, grabbing Megumi's arm defensively.

"Just because she's your wench doesn't make her something other than that," Shoji replied, walking up to Tomi and grabbing him by the shirt, then tossing him against the front door. It fell and he tumbled onto the porch.

"TOMI!" Kaoru screamed.

Tomi pulled himself up just in time as Shoji crossed blades with him. They began going into combat.

Kaoru covered her mouth with her hands, shook her head and took off after them.

Saitou followed her.

Aoshi stepped forward and watched everyone's faces. "I know this much… no one in this room… is guilty…"

Kenshin looked at him.

-

Tomi flung his blade, and then Shoji knocked it out of his hands. It spiraled across the yard and landed blade down in the dirt.

Tomi looked at it, then back at Shoji, fearful. He was gasping for air now, sweating and coughing.

"Tomi…" Kaoru whispered, getting ready to draw.

"Fool," Shoji said, kicking him in the knee and making his legs buckle.

"I give in…" Tomi said through his chokes for air. "I…" He started coughing heavily at this point.

Many of the men emerged around Kaoru.

"God, no!" Megumi sobbed, heading down after him. She couldn't hide it anymore.

Tomi was coughing blood onto the ground.

Kaoru felt all the feeling drain from her. "What…. What's happening… to him…?" She asked.

"He's ill in the lungs," Saitou responded. "Tuberculosis."

Kaoru felt tears slip down her cheeks. "No… That can't be right!" She shouted, running down to him.

Saitou for once looked distant, not at all menacing… almost… sad.

"TOMI!" She screamed, dropping down next to him.

He looked up, blood pouring down his chin and tears glittering on his cheeks from the light of the moon… and he was smiling.

"Now, Kahei-kun… d-don't look at me like that…" He whispered. "Heh…heh…"

"This can't be…" She sobbed. "It can't be…" She let out a whimper, her lip quivering slightly. "Tomi…"

He laughed a little. "Kahei-kun… I'm…sorry… I just wanted…to protect you… A wise person once told me… that the strongest of people protect the ones they love and…c-care about… I didn't want you… to get hurt… I knew you'd do the same for me… because you did…" He coughed up more blood onto the ground.

The sun slowly slipped onto the horizon, making the sky a pale purple in color.

"You're like… family I didn't have… You were nice to me… and you let me speak my mind… and you never put down anything I said… It was refreshing to know… that there were people in the world that cared about other people…"

Kaoru nodded, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"Stop crying, you baby…" He choked. "Listen… I need you… to do something for me… because I don't think… I can…"

"Wh…what?" Kaoru wept.

"Tell… Tae… that I'm sorry…" His smile faded, and tears spilled freshly down his cheeks again. "Tell her I'm sorry that… I didn't get to say goodbye… because… I never wanted to… Tell her to find another man that treats her well, and grow old… and be happy with him… and that… I'll be waiting upstairs… when her time comes… and then we can live in peace…"

Kaoru nodded, blubbering. "Uh--uh-huh…"

"I just hope that we both… can be reborn someday… and live together forever… without this cursed disease… this horrible monster… that's taken me away… from… her…" He vomited more blood onto the stone.

Kaoru took him in her arms and held him close. "Stop talking like that… STOP IT!"

He didn't say another word.

Kaoru screamed and began bawling into his hair. "NO! Come back! Come back! Tomi! It doesn't have to end this way! Wake up! We'll get you to a good hospital and fix you! Come on! Stop fooling around! TOMI!"

Megumi hung her head. Sano appeared and put his hand on her shoulder. "You did all you could," He told her soothingly.

"Come back…" Kaoru whimpered. "You can't go this way… People like you don't deserve to go this way…"

"It's no use…" Megumi mumbled.

"I'll tell her," Kaoru sobbed, kissing the top of his head. "I'll tell her everything, word for word… I promise…"

Shoji put his weapon away and went inside.

"Damn it…" Kaoru whispered. "Damn it all…" She laid him down gently and stared into his gray face as the last hope she had of him returning vanished. The red was so vivid on his face, the only color. His green eyes had lost their life, and everything about him looked monochrome. She placed her hand along his eyelids and closed his eyes for him. "I wish I could have done something… to save you… Tomi… You were the strongest person… I ever knew because you loved so much… and you… were family to me too."

She stood and stumbled back up the stairs, not looking at anyone.

-

Training went on as usual, but Kaoru did not go out with them. She followed them to the door, shut it, and sat on her futon with her head in her knees. She was beyond crying. She just wanted to be alone.

No one really noticed her absence, and she didn't much care if they did. She felt so empty inside, like someone had ripped her heart and soul out.

Many of the men had gone and dug a grave for Tomi out in the woods, but she didn't dare go with them. She would die if she did. Even though she had witnessed him breathe his last breath and felt him go cold, she would not, could not convince herself that he was gone.

The last death that had happened to her had been her father, and she had not seen it. It didn't hurt her as much as it did to actually see them become so much less than they were. Tomi was a young, spirited boy just getting ready to start his life by getting married… but now…

The front door slid open a ways, letting in a small beam of light along the floor. The echo of feet along the floor forced her curiosity to push her head up.

Saitou stood in front of her with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Go away…" She whispered, hanging her head again.

"You know," Saitou said, "I've told you about Okita Soji from the first squadron of the Shinsengumi. I told you that you'd never compare to him."

She didn't respond. What was he up to?

"What many don't know is that he died when he was twenty-six," Saitou continued.

She looked up again.

"The boy was a strong prodigy at swords, but near the end of our battle, he contracted tuberculosis and died in a hospital in Edo."

Her shoulders slumped.

"The boy knew he was sick, but he didn't let his men know. He didn't want them to know because he'd get their spirits down, and he didn't want them to fail in battle because of him. At night he would seal himself in his room and cough until blood was fresh on his fingers, but he never lost his spirit."

Kaoru blinked back more tears that had suddenly found themselves. To think she was hearing this from Saitou!

"The boy only let me know, and that was on accident. I came in on him. He begged me not to tell, so I didn't. I keep my word after all…" He blew smoke into the air. "Okita was my best friend."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kaoru asked.

"I figured that a little weakling like you needed a pep-talk or something. I, like Okita, am not going to let this disease let down my team."

She climbed onto her feet, her ankles feeling heavy. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't say it. Show me by getting out there and getting to work."

She smiled slightly. "O…Okay… I won't let you down, sir."

"Get out of here," He said, throwing down his cigarette and stomping it out.

She grabbed her weapon and left.

After she disappeared, another person emerged in the doorway. "It's not like you to be sentimental, Saitou," Kenshin said.

"Shut up," Saitou replied, placing another cigarette in his mouth and lighting it.

(A/N: There... everything about Tomi's been revealed... Thanks for making me cry! T.T Really, this chapter did depress me. For as short a time as he's been in there, I really did like Tomi as a character, but me being the writer knew his end. Sorry if I really depressed you guys, but I hope you'll still read on. Thanks for the reviews. Much hugs and kisses to all of you since I really need it right now... WAAH!)


	16. Fifteen: Identities Revealed

Chapter 15: Identities Revealed

By the end of the training session, Kaoru no longer sad but angry.

She headed towards the river with her weapon in her belt, ready to strike the one who had wronged her. Who else could it be but Tenka? She'd made the mistake of yapping out too much information to a spy, and now it was time to fix the problem.

He was sitting there with food cooking over a fire as usual when she arrived.

"Ah, Kaoru-chan!" He greeted cheerfully.

She pulled out her sword. "YOU!" She yelled.

He got to his feet in a second, paling. "Wh-what is this?" He asked, horrified.

"YOU'RE A SPY! You… You're working for the other side, and you fooled me into being your little dog so you wouldn't have to do any of your dirty work!"

"What? No!" He cried, backing up and grabbing his boken. "I'm not out to-"

"You can't honestly say you're not a spy!" Kaoru shouted. "A friend is dead, and I'm under deep suspicion because of you! I've made a terrible error, and I'm going to fix it!"

"No! Kaoru-chan! I'm not---"

"YOU ARE A SPY! Admit it!"

"I'm not working for Shishio!" He screamed, panting. His eyes now held a new emotion, a fiery, angry one. "I would never make that mistake again!"

"Again?" Kaoru asked. "Wait, why should I believe anything you say?"

"I haven't said anything to you that you couldn't believe before, Kaoru…" He choked. "I don't want to hurt you, but if you attack me, you'll give me no choice. Please… believe me… I haven't done anything to hurt you, I could never, I promise!"

She didn't want to believe him. She wanted nothing more in her heart but to find someone to blame it on… but she could see it in his eyes… no liar, however brilliant at his job… would ever have those eyes…

"Kaoru-chan… please… if I have to, I'll leave to prove my innocence… I'll never return…"

She threw her sword down. "I believe you…" She mumbled, hating herself.

He plopped back down onto the ground and let out a sigh of relief.

"You can go ahead and bathe… and I'll explain what part I play during our meal…" He said, still out of breath from fear.

She didn't look him in the eye. She undressed and went into the water, cleaning with her back to him.

He sketched idly in his book a few different faces but mostly hers.

A crunch of the leaves stopped them both.

"Well, well, well…" A voice said.

Kaoru slowly turned around.

"This was highly unexpected…"

She choked, unable to speak or move, her front baring all.

"Saitou…" Tenka whispered, wide-eyed.

"Who would have thought that Kasuhige Kahei was actually little Kamiya Kaoru? When I first heard the name, I thought I was imagining things, but now I can see it's true." He stepped into the open and threw down his cigarette. "I'd had my suspicions about you…" He turned to Tenka, "but you… You're a big surprise, boy."

Tenka stood up, chewing on his lower lip. "Look, it's not what you think, Saitou!"

"Tenka!" Kaoru cried.

"Tenka, huh?" Saitou raised his eyebrows, enjoying every minute. "I see… You combined the name of your swordsman style with your last name. Tenken and Seta. You're Seta Soujirou, aren't you."

"What!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"You're pretty good, Saitou," The newly-discovered Soujirou said. "Yeah, that's who I am, but I meant what I said when I said that this isn't what it looks like."

"Are you still working for your dear Shishio-sama, boy?" Saitou asked, drawing his blade and stepping into the Aku Zoku San stance.

"No matter what I say, you'll listen to your way, so why should I bother explaining?" He asked, sliding his boken into his belt and grabbing at it.

He drew out his boken, yet part of it still lay at his side. There was a blade concealed within it.

Kaoru headed towards the shore as quickly as she could, and she didn't even know why.

"I've discovered a stow-away and a spy," Saitou commented. "I think I've done pretty good for myself, don't you?"

Soujirou smirked. "I suppose you have, but I can tell you this much. I don't give a damn what Shishio's little followers are up to now. I've got nothing to do with them."

"A brat with no emotion can't tell the truth," Saitou returned. "Whether you're right or not, how about a battle for old time's sake?"

"I'd be delighted!" Soujirou yelled, running at him. "I haven't had a good fight in ages!"

Kaoru stumbled onto shore and hid behind a rock. She couldn't believe it, she just discovered and been discovered! Tenka was the boy Kenshin had battled in Kyoto all those years ago, Seta Soujirou, the Tenken. She didn't even know he was still alive, though she was sure Kenshin didn't kill him.

Suddenly, she was trapped. She didn't know who to trust or what to believe. Soujirou seemed to have been telling the truth, but now Kaoru thought that he really might have been that good a liar, and Saitou… She thought she was starting to get along with him, but he might rat her out, and she'd be killed.

She looked around, trying to find a sign from the heavens to tell her what to do, when the clashing of blades distracted her. She peeked up from behind the rocks.

Not since the battle of Saitou and Kenshin had she seen such moves. She could definitely tell how Kenshin had had trouble fighting both of them. It was incredible. They were moving so quickly that she couldn't even follow their movements.

"Why fight if you've nothing to hide?" Saitou asked, smirking his wolf-like smile.

"I will never let anyone hurt Kaoru-chan!" Soujirou replied. "If I have to kill you to keep her secret what it is, I won't hesitate. Unlike Himura, I'll kill if I have to."

"Well, I can already tell you're smarter than Himura," Saitou remarked jumping back and getting into stance again.

Soujirou replaced his weapon and got ready for his own attack.

"I don't think he'll like you trying to steal his woman though," Saitou said.

"I'm not trying to steal anything," Soujirou responded. "I'm just trying to live as an artist, but my past keeps coming back to haunt me."

Kaoru started to stand up, completely forgetting her lack of clothing.

"What will you do if I kill you? No one can stop me from telling on your little girlfriend."

"There's a whole lot of things you don't know about me," Soujirou said calmly, a smirk playing on his lips. "I can let you know right now, that there are people I'm teamed up with that you didn't even know were on any other team but their own."

"Is that so!" Saitou shouted, running at him with Aku Zoku San.

Soujirou drew his weapon.

His eyes widened when suddenly, the blade crumbled. "DAMN WEAK WEAPONS!" He screamed, feeling his death coming upon him.

He jumped and grabbed Kaoru's sword that was still on the ground and blocked Saitou's attack. At this point, Soujirou had his left side on the ground, and he was barely holding up the weapon while Saitou's legs were spread on each side of the boy, his blade pointed towards Soujirou's face, his golden eyes lit with malice.

Kaoru looked over on the ground where Soujirou had been before he jumped. The sheath of his weak weapon lay on the ground, unnoticed and forgotten.

"You're going to die tonight, boy," Saitou said.

"If I die, I die with honor," Soujirou replied, smiling. "I'll know I died in battle with a formidable foe… and I never again went back to hurting the weak."

"Sounds like you're good and ready to die anyway," Saitou smirked. "AGH!" He dropped his guard, using his free hand to grab the back of his head.

Soujirou rolled out of the way of Saitou's blade, slipping into the water and getting wet.

Saitou flung around in anger, and Kaoru stood with the sheath of the weapon held in Kamiya Kasshin-ryu's position.

"Leave him alone, Saitou," She said fiercely.

Saitou seemed surprised and somewhat delighted. "You're a tough girl, Kamiya… but you are a girl, and I can see that right now."

"I'll show you that I can fight like a man!" She countered. "Bring it on, Saitou! I'm not afraid!"

"I can see that too," Saitou said. "All right then, let's FIGHT!"

He attacked her, and she swiftly began dodging, hopping up onto the rocks. After only a few swings, she was tired out, with all the training she'd done and the foe she was up against, and the lack of food in her stomach pulling her down. She did not give up though.

"Are you going to fight or dodge like a girl?" Saitou asked.

She growled and ran at him with her weapon ready, however horrible a weapon it might be.

Saitou swung back his blade and brought it down, and that was when she pulled off her plan.

Kamiya Kasshin-ryu's secret technique, Hawatari.

"This is what you get for underestimating me!" Kaoru yelled, nailing Saitou in the head and catching his weapon in her left hand.

"Wow!" Soujirou exclaimed. "That was incredible!"

Saitou, now weaponless, stood, rubbing his head. "I did underestimate you, Kamiya. Now, finish me off."

She threw his sword down. "I'm finished. I have no reason to kill you Saitou, though I'm sure I'll find one if you rat me out."

He laughed at her as if she was stupid as he picked up his weapon. "I was never going to say a word… boy." He walked away. "That is, unless you gave me a reason to. Now, cover yourself up and get back to camp."

"Now, for you," She turned to Soujirou, only to find… he wasn't there. All that was left was her sword on the shore with a piece of paper left atop it.

She picked up the paper and weapon and went to dress.

Once she had finished putting her clothes back on and sheathing her sword, she unfolded the paper to find a lovely picture of a woman dressed as a samurai, charging into a battle with a sword in hand. The kanji on her sleeve said "for love".

At the bottom of the picture was a simply written "Sayonara, from Tenka". He hadn't expected her to learn anything about him on this night, quite obviously, though he would be retreating afterwards. She wondered if she'd ever see him again.

Soujirou had taken off into the countryside, back towards the town he came from every day when the voice stopped him again.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T SLIP UP!"

"Well," He chuckled. "I suppose I did, but now I'm staying around so I can figure out who this spy is that's ratting out our boys."

"Humph."

"Don't be so stubborn!" He laughed.

-

That night, it rained.

Kaoru lay on her futon, listening as it pelted down upon the roof. She felt as if it was Tomi crying for the life he didn't get to live, but she knew that he couldn't have felt too bad now that he was no longer in pain.

She pulled her blanket over her more and shut her eyes, trying to sleep, but it just wouldn't come. So much had happened. She'd lost a friend, discovered the truth about Tenka ---or Soujirou, and actually fought -and WON- against Saitou. Sure, he was going easy on her, but it was still a major feat.

She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, feeling too warm. Lots of things had been laid on the table, and she wasn't sure if she had the winning hand.

Kaoru sighed dejectedly, wiping her forehead with her palm. She couldn't figure out if she was worried, relieved, depressed, or what. It was the first time she'd been so indecisive about her own heart, and it was driving her insane.

"Sessha didn't figure you would be able to sleep," A soft voice came from the stairs, drawing her attention.

She rose to a sitting position, gasping.

Kenshin's silhouette was sitting on the stairs, his hair down, and dressed down in his night kimono. He chuckled slightly.

"Kenshin…" She whispered, crawling to the stairway and staring at him through the railing. "What are you doing here?"

"Sessha was concerned about you…" He said, leaning his head against the railing. He looked gorgeous in the dark too, especially with those strands of red hair tumbling around his shoulders and that large amount of chest he showed. "He saw how you reacted to Tomi's untimely death."

"It's okay…" Kaoru sighed. "Deep in my heart I knew it was going to happen… I'm okay now… I guess…"

Kenshin put his hand on her head. "It still hurt me to see you that way…"

"Why?" Kaoru giggled slightly, trying to keep her cool. "I'm just a kid. You don't know me too well. I've survived through death." _I wish you could know me better…_

"Yes… so has sessha…" He sounded remorseful when he said this.

Kaoru walked around and sat next to him on the steps. "I'm sad about Tomi, but I'm not sure if that's why I feel bad… I'm kind of… I don't know… lost…"

Kenshin sighed. "Sessha knows how you feel… Do you sleep in your clothes?"

"Yeah," Kaoru replied. "It's easier if I don't have to change in the mornings. Most of us do it."

"Sessha don't like sleeping in my clothing anymore… It makes me feel the way I did back in the Bakumatsu. All the samurai slept against the wall, fully dressed and ready to fight. Sessha just wants to put it behind him…"

Kaoru sighed, blinking back sleep. "Kenshin… you make me feel so… comfortable." _If only you knew._

"Kaoru-dono told me once that I was easy to talk to."

_Yeah… I did, didn't I?_

She felt her eyes slowly getting heavier, her body too numb to move.

"I wish… we could live in peace like this…forever…" She mumbled.

"Yes… so do I…" His voice said, as she felt herself fall into sleep.

Kenshin raised his eyebrows and chuckled slightly as she snoozed on his shoulder. He picked her up and carried her back to her futon, laid her down, and covered her up.

"Sessha must be going crazy," Kenshin remarked, staring at her deeply. "Every time he looks at you, he thinks of Kaoru-dono… Maybe… sessha just hasn't stopped thinking about her in the first place."

He headed back to his room, feeling his heart pounding. "Why can't sessha get you out of his mind, Kaoru-dono?… He hopes you're doing all right… on your own…"

Kaoru snuggled down on her bed. "Kenshin…" She whispered.

(A/N: -and when you saw the chapter title, you thought Kenshin would find out, didn't you? ;) Anywho, WE HIT THE 100 MARK! Lotsa love everyone. Oh, and Sir Gawain of Camelot, I bet you're spazzing out because you were right about Soujirou, eh? I wanted to thank you most of all. Your reviews really inspire me. :P I hope you guys liked this chapter. It's my Christmas present to you. Happy Holidays, everyone.)


	17. Sixteen: Training With Kenshin

Chapter 16: Training With Kenshin

"Everyone get up!" Shoji's voice yelled as he came down the stairs.

"Oh.." Kaoru moaned. "Again…?"

The group from Aoshi's team and Kenshin's team were trotting down behind him, all looking quite tired.

Kaoru crawled out of bed, feeling heavy. She hadn't gotten enough sleep, and she was really regretting it now… Well, she'd gotten to actually sit and talk with Kenshin for once, so maybe she didn't quite regret it. She couldn't remember going back to her bed. When had she fallen asleep?

Kenshin trudged down last of all, rubbing his eye. Kaoru made sure to stand next to him.

"Ken-- Ah- Himura-san…" She mumbled, grabbing his sleeve.

"You fell asleep," He responded.

"You look tired…"

Kenshin laughed a bit. "So do you. You look like hell."

"Well, you look like hell froze over."

They both snickered a bit, trying to wake themselves up.

"You already told us there was a spy," Yahiko complained.

"The government has managed to throw off our location," Shoji said, sounding a bit bitter that Yahiko brought it up.

"Is that why you bothered us?" Sano chimed in tiredly, looking rather angry himself.

"Partly. Let me finish, Sagara."

"Hum…" Sano mumbled, leaning back against the wall.

"They've been thrown off our trail, but we have no idea when they'll find us," Shoji said, his eyes narrowing. "So, we're changing the schedule. Everyone will rise with team one, and everyone will go in with team three."

Moans erupted from the crowd.

"You're kidding me!" One of the men screamed. "This isn't fair!"

They all began complaining and expressing their anger with quite loud, quite vulgar exclamations.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTHS!" Shoji screamed over them all, and the room went deathly silent. "You will follow my orders."

Kaoru clutched onto Kenshin's arm, blushed, and let go. Shoji had a very menacing scream.

"Now," Shoji said, looking satisfied and angry at the same time. "Get out there and train. Our country is counting on you."

-

The rain from the night before had left a murky, damp feeling in the air, and today they were using their swords.

Kaoru drew her weapon, feeling slightly dazed and confused. She blinked several times to knock the sleep out of her eyes, yawned, and scanned the crowd for challengers that would be easy to fight. She didn't really feel like working at the moment.

After a few minutes of dragging her way along the outskirts of the men brawling each other (since the anger from inside had surely built up steam they needed to release), she saw Kenshin, not fighting for once, but standing and watching the others with a far-off look in his eye.

She approached him calmly, lifted her hand, and placed it on his shoulder, speaking his name in time with it.

"Ah! Kaoru-" He turned around and faced her, eyes wide.

She felt her whole body numb. He recognized her so suddenly… She felt faint.

"Oh…" He said, calming down. "My apologies, Kahei-san."

"Eh-heh…" She choked, forcing a smile. If she had blurted out something she shouldn't have, she definitely would've been caught. She was a needle's width away at that very moment, but somehow she emerged unscathed. "Isn't Kaoru a girl's name?" She joked nervously, nudging him. "You're silly, Himura-san."

"Sessha has just been spacey this morning," Kenshin replied, beaming. "Do you need something?"

"Ah---" Now that she'd been asked, she didn't know why she was even going near him. Her heart was moving her again, the damned thing. "Well, I uh--- it's kinda embarrassing to say but…"

"You need help with your training?" He asked.

"N--- Yeah. That's the one," Kaoru replied, then chewed on her lower lip.

"Sessha will help you," Kenshin said, leading her to a spot a ways away from the brawl. His warm hand on her cold back sent shivers down her spine, and she only prayed he didn't notice.

She stared at him as he got into stance, looking oh-so-serious, and a dream she'd had that night entered her head. It was very vague in her mind, but it involved him approaching her on a white horse without his shirt on and asking if she wanted a ride.

"Kahei-san."

"What!" She yelled, blushing.

"Sessha asked if you knew the Battou Jutsu stance."

"Oh… yeah, yeah…" She nodded, feeling flustered as she copied the position she'd seen Kenshin make several times. "This is right, right?"

"No, move your hand downward a bit… Yes, that's right… move your foot forward…There, that's perfect."

She stood completely still, trying not to tremble. He was so… intimidating… This would scare men, but with her… it was… very attractive.

"Draw your weapon quickly," Kenshin explained, pulling his sakabatou free and slashing the air. The blade flew so fast that it left a blue streak.

She placed a shaky hand along the hilt and tried to draw it as quickly as she could but only managed to drop it.

"Not quite," He said, walking over as she picked it up, blushing even more deeply.

"I'm usually better at this…" She mumbled.

"You are facing off against the Battousai. Most are fearful…" He took her shaking hands into his own. "Including you," He finished, raising his eyebrows.

The memory of the last time he held her hands, the night before he left, entered her head. Heat crept into her cheeks.

"Hm?" He lifted one of her hands and flipped it palm up. "You have a scar."

Her hand had been cut by that dish. His finger traced it, and she felt her knees weaken.

"Something wrong?" He asked.

"I…" She breathed. It felt as if she had drunken an entire bottle of sake.

He let go of her hands. "Ahem…" He said, looking away. "T-try it again…"

He backed up.

She got back into position. He had to have noticed something. How embarrassing!

The humid air made her hair stick to her forehead and her shirt to her back. It was a gross, sticky feeling, but she tried to ignore it and concentrate on the task at hand. If Kenshin could do Battou Jutsu, then it'd be fine. It wasn't hard. She was just… nervous.

She drew the blade and swung it outward as her beloved had done. It was quite obviously not as quick as his, but she did it, and that's all that mattered to her.

"All right!" She cheered, beaming. "I did it!"

"Not bad," Kenshin comment, smiling back at her. "Can you block moves?"

"Block moves? I- AHH!" She threw her sword up in defense as Kenshin's blade crashed against hers. "Yeah!" She squeaked. It never ceased to amaze her on how fast he was.

She broke their stance and held out her weapon, unintentionally readying herself in Kamiya Kasshin-ryu's stance. She caught herself before he noticed and slid her blade back into her sheath.

The gray sky rumbled threateningly. It would rain again soon.

The thunder signified something she didn't catch immediately… She had begun battle with Kenshin.

After a few minutes of cowering through her blocks, just walking backwards as he swung his blade in perfect precision against hers, she began to get angry that he'd go so easy on her. Why did everyone have to think like Saitou!

Finally, she swung back, and he dodged smoothly. The froze for a moment, panting, and the rain fell upon them on cue in heavy sheets.

"Are you sure… you've never done any swordsmanship before this camp?" He asked, swinging his bangs out of his face with a shake of his head.

"I'm a fast learner," She replied. Walking around the truth was so much better than a lie.

…and they were at it again, but this time, she was the first to move.

"You're quite good," Kenshin commented, blocking each of her moves with unfortunately incredible ease. It didn't stop her though. She was becoming more and more determined to prove herself everyday she was here. Whether it was Kaoru or Kahei, she needed him to know that the one protecting him was strong enough to at least put up a fight.

"Quite isn't good enough, is it?" She asked, trying to read his movements. It should've been easier since she'd seen him fight so much… then again, he was sometimes to quick to actually 'see' anything but…

"It's a start," Kenshin replied. "Are you wanting sessha to try harder?"

"It's a start," She responded, smirking.

"Well, well, well," Kenshin said, raising his eyebrows. "Sessha supposes he must give you what you want, ne?"

-

Hours passed. Kaoru fought ceaselessly with Kenshin who was -she knew- still going easy on her. Obviously Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu was too much for her on full strength, and so she didn't complain anymore. She battled hard and did all she could not to get distracted. Was it fair that a man could look so beautiful when dodging through the air, sweat slipping down the side of his face? She forced herself to think like a man, since a man would never find another man attractive unless they had preferences like Kamatari, and those were few and far in-between…

Kaoru pulled back her blade as Kenshin swept down for an attack at her knees when… the sword just… slipped out of her fingers. Before she could question why, her legs turned to jelly, and she fell forward.

Kenshin caught her before she hit the mud. "Has sessha worn you out?" He asked calmly.

Her hands were raw and filled with pain as they gripped onto his shirt as she tried to hoist herself back up.

"Fighting will do that to you," Kenshin said, "especially at that speed."

She felt like she was being stared at, and when she looked out over her arms at the other men, she found that quite a few of them were watching with impressed looks on their faces.

"You did really well," Kenshin whispered in her ear. "You had sessha on the ropes."

"You were still going easy on me," Kaoru responded sleepily.

He laughed slightly. "You catch on quick…"

Her hands loosened on his shirt, and she collapsed completely. Kenshin picked her up and carried her towards the temple.

"Hey, Himura! Don't take him in! Wake him up and put him to work!" Shoji yelled defensively.

Kenshin sighed and smiled at him. "He's done enough. Fighting sessha took all his strength."

"-but-"

"Do not question this one," Kenshin replied, carrying her up the steps.

-

When Kaoru awoke, Yahiko and Sano were right up in her face.

"WAAH!" She screamed, wriggling like crazy and smacking them in the face.

"Ow!" Sano yelled, rubbing his chin.

"Oh, wow, you scared me…" She whispered, clutching her heart. "What were you looking at me for?"

"No reason," Sano replied, and if she hadn't of been so freaked out, she would have realized the red tint on his cheeks.

"Yeah," Yahiko responded, the same tint on his cheeks.

"You'd better hurry and get some dinner or there won't be any for you," Sano said, nodding in the direction of the server.

"Ah!" She yelped, getting up and running to get in line.

"Sessha sees Kahei-san is feeling better, ne?" Kenshin said, approaching the two boys and sitting down with them.

"Hey, Kenshin, long time no talk," Yahiko rejoined flatly.

"Sorry…" He chuckled nervously.

"You worried about your little boy toy, Kenshin?" Sano asked rather suggestively.

"B-boy toy?" Kenshin asked, as if he'd never heard the term before.

"Oh, come on!" Sano exclaimed. "I know you've noticed. Kahei is totally getting the boy lust for you!"

"Oro…" Kenshin said, flattening his eyebrows and blushing.

"Boy lust…?" Yahiko questioned, raising his eyebrow.

"When men are all stuck together with no women for a long time, they usually start having other things arouse them, mainly other men. Whether it's your preference or not, we all start to feel that way if left with them for a long time."

Kenshin nodded. "Indeed… That's why many men, mostly young boys since they resembled women more, were raped during the Bakumatsu."

"Way to take a topic and turn it disturbing," Sano commented.

"It happened," Kenshin sighed. "…boy toy?"

Sano burst out laughing. "Come on! You know he likes you! I mean, he at LEAST looks up to you. He gets all flustered when you're around. Hey, I can't exactly blame him. You're a little easier on the eyes than a bunch of these men, since you kinda look like a girl."

"Sessha isn't sure if that was a compliment or an insult…"

"Not saying Kahei's not nice too," Sano said, looking in Kaoru's direction and blushing, a bit of a perverted grin on his face. "He's a beautiful guy. He's the kind of man men would go gay for."

"Oro…" Kenshin mumbled.

"Gross!" Yahiko yelled, laying down on his futon.

"Oh, you know he is," Sano said to Yahiko. "Just imagine him for one second."

Silence followed through the group as an image of Kahei (all male) with more roughed up hair and in a somewhat girly pose beamed a sparkly smile at them.

They all blushed. "SEE! You're thinking about it!" Sano yelled, falling over laughing.

"Well, it's kind of hard not to when you talk about it, Sano!" Kenshin retorted, looking embarrassed.

"AGH!" Yahiko screamed into his pillow.

"Yeah, I know…" Sano said, laying back and sticking a fishbone (where he got it was anybody's guess) into his mouth. "I think women should be in the army. They fight a hell of a lot harder than lots of us… stronger too…"

Kenshin stared at Sano for a few moments, when his eyes looked beyond him as they often did. "That's a good point… Sanosuke… but…"

"-but NOTHIN'!" Sano replied. "I know for sure that if Kaoru were here, she'd be beating up every last one of us!"

"Don't be so sure," Saitou said, passing. "You I can understand, but not Himura."

"GO AWAY!" Sano yelled, balling up his fists.

"Is that the best you can come up with?" Saitou asked, putting out his cigarette on Sano's shirt. Sano didn't yelp in pain, but he paled considerably.

Saitou looked at Kenshin.

Their eyes met and silence followed between them.

_Something… he's trying to tell me something with his eyes, but… I can't figure out what it is…_ Kenshin thought, staring intently through him, into his mind almost.

"Hey," Kaoru said, approaching with a bowl in her hands. "What are you guys talking about?"

They all looked at her and blushed then looked away.

"What?" She asked innocently.

(A/N: Happy New Year everyone! I hope you liked the chapter. Much love to you reviewers. XOXO.)


	18. Seventeen: Exhaustion

Chapter 17: Exhaustion

If one were to go day by day, they would say time seemed to stop, but when looked at from a weekly point of view, they seemed to fly by. Each day seemed long of course since the little sleep they got made it seem like all the days ran together in constant fighting. The weather was usually steaming hot and sticky, leaving every man sweating after only minutes of being out. Summer was here, and it was a hot one.

Kaoru wasn't positive on how many weeks had gone by since summer started though Saitou told her it had been about three. It seemed he would sometimes come and watch her bathe every once in awhile now. At first she thought he was being perverted, but she figured now that he was just waiting for the return of Soujirou. So far, there was nothing.

On this particular night he was not there to pester her, and she sat in the shallow, cool water, not going deep in like usual, and not moving at all. Her body ached from the work they'd done, her stomach growled from the extreme cutbacks on food now that they did not have enough time to cook enough. As she pondered things, trying to stay awake, she went over her skills and was slowly realizing that she was starting to get more sloppy in battle. Yes, she was winning against many opponents now, but they were doing fairly badly as well.

Yes, it seemed that so little food and so much work and the lack of sleep was indeed weakening the team. Of course, she wasn't going to speak out to Shoji about this. She was still trying to keep out of his eye contact.

Finally, she forced herself into the deeper, cooler water that was a little soothing, a little stinging on her aching joints and scrubbed herself clean. She practically crawled out when she was finished.

After she dried off, she dressed, and headed back towards camp. It was harder to see the path at night, but she'd gotten used to shoving her way through leaves and bushes.

"I'm so tired…" She moaned as her path brought her in with the other guys who were all slumping and trudging the way she was. The ground seemed to look closer… and closer… and closer?

Her arm was yanked up and placed around a shoulder. "Just try and stay up long enough until we get back," Yahiko told her in a sleepy voice. She nodded.

One thing she'd learned why she'd been here was to accept help when offered. Being stubborn was foolish, especially in times like this. One warrior could not win a battle.

Everyone seemed to move slowly now, but they all went for a half bowl of rice, knowing they'd need the energy in the morning.

Just looking at it made Kaoru sick. She was too tired to eat. In fact, her bowl tumbled to the floor the moment she sat on her futon since she fell back, out cold.

The disturbing part was the way quite a few guys gathered around to get their share of the rice, scooping it off of the nasty floor. Yahiko pulled a cover over her and laid down in his own spot after finishing eating. "I really just want to go home…" He whispered, tears brimming in his eyes as he shut them to dream of what seemed so far away.

-

Morning came again. Everyone started waking with moans and groans.

Kaoru on the other hand woke up and didn't move. She felt like she was freezing, and her eyes would barely stay open.

"Come on," Yahiko said, pulling her out of bed. "You'll get in trouble if you don't get up now."

She stumbled onto her feet, then fell against him. "I'm… so… tired…" She mumbled. Her entire body was sore, even more painful than yesterday.

"Stand up," Yahiko told her nervously as Shoji's feet stomped on the stairs. He pushed her into a standing position, and she placed her hand over her right eye to try and calm the headache she had.

"You know the drill, everyone out!" Shoji commanded, and they all started on their way. Kaoru was jealous of the man. He seemed to get full nights of good rest just so when he got up he'd just tell them what to do, sit back, and watch them like they were some kind of show. He was unnecessary and making it harder on everyone else.

Yahiko took Kaoru's hand and led her out the door since she had dazed off into space. It freaked her out at first, but after she saw him, she settled down. "I can walk by myself," She told him and found her voice to be surprisingly scratchy and weak.

Sano trailed backwards and started walking with the two of them. "Hey, Kahei, are you feeling okay?" He asked, gazing at her in concern.

"Is anybody?" She responded bitterly. "Why ask me?"

"You're really pale…" He commented.

"I'm always pale," She replied. Most women had fair skin.

"Yeah, I know, but even more," Sano told her.

"I see it too," Yahiko said, glancing over his shoulder at her. "There's a flush in your cheeks also."

"Well, I'm certainly not finding anything in you guys to make me blush," She retorted, passing them.

Sano grabbed her wrist and turned her around, and she glared at him. He placed his hand on her cheek and then on her forehead. "Just as I thought," He said smartly. "You have a fever."

"You… think?" Yahiko asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, shaddup!" Sano growled.

"I'm fine," She said, continuing down the steps.

Sano and Yahiko looked at each other, then followed after. It was only near the bottom that Sanosuke backtracked (unnoticed by Yahiko) and went to go find Megumi.

-

Her legs felt wobbly. She couldn't quite get the feeling in them to go away as she drew her sword. It felt heavier than usual against her aching wrists.

"Maybe I'm not so fine…" She mumbled, shaking the dizzy feeling out of her head.

Yahiko stepped up. "I'll face you, Kahei."

She nodded. "Right… Come at me then…"

Yahiko did so, but he came a bit slowly and very obviously swung sloppily on purpose.

"Don't go easy on me!" She yelled, swinging at him… and missing him completely.

Yahiko sighed, sheathing his weapon and stood in front of her. "Wh-what?" She asked.

He put his hand against her forehead and his other one against his own. "You're burning up, Kahei."

"So?" She asked defensively. "If I could lay down and sleep all day, don't you think I would? I'll be okay."

"If you're sure…" Yahiko said, stepping back and pulling out his weapon again.

"Hey, worry about your own problems," She said, smirking to put up the façade that she was okay. Truthfully, she was feeling worse every minute. Of course, it wouldn't make any difference, since after seeing how Shoji treated someone as ill as Tomi, she knew she didn't stand a chance at getting a free day.

-

Sano glanced into the building. "Megumi?"

Walking in, his footsteps echoed. He hadn't seen her down on the field, so he figured she had to be inside. Heading up the stairs he glanced in the second room. Nothing but futons. Up to the third floor, he found no sign of her once again. There was no other place she could be but on their leader's floor. Come to think of it, he hadn't been out there either. He must have headed back up the steps after he sent them all out.

When he arrived at the top he reached to open the rice-paper door but went silent when he heard voices inside, seeming to be in the middle of an argument. He immediately knew who they were.

"I'm a doctor! I know that what you're doing is not making these men any stronger!" Megumi's voice yelled. "If they keep working this hard with this little food, they'll be dropping like flies!"

"I know what I'm doing!" Shoji responded angrily. "You stay out of my business and stay in yours!"

"The health of these men IS my business, SIR, and if you keep this up, their health is going to spiral downwards until they die!"

_Die!_ Sano thought.

"Don't be stupid," Shoji said, shoving the subject off as if it was no big deal.

"I'm not being stupid, SIR! Men's lives are at stake!"

"I'm no here to care about their lives!" He yelled, silencing her. "I'm only here to make sure they fight. Whether they die or not is not my concern."

Megumi was silent for a moment, not because she was done fighting, but the sheer shock of his words blew her away.

_That bastard…_Sano though with vengeance. _I ought to teach him a lesson!_

"You…" Megumi whispered, sounding disgusted. "You--"

"I---" He replied, sounding snotty as usual. "I make the rules and control this camp, girl, and as long as you're here, you can hold your tongue and do as I command."

Megumi from what Sano could tell was trembling with anger. "Sir…" She said quietly, a dangerous shake in her voice. "I was sent here to aide these men and try to get them home safely when all of this blows over. As a woman I understand that I don't have many rights here, and I'm supposed to listen to what you say, but as a doctor, I cannot turn my back on these people!"

Sano blushed. She was so amazing when she did speeches like that.

"Well, now, Miss DOCTOR. You've contradicted yourself. You know you're supposed to listen, but you won't. Women are supposed to follow their men."

"You're not my man," She said simply.

"Women are supposed to follow men regardless. You apparently don't know your place, so allow me to help you out!" Shoji's silhouette raised his hand and swung back.

The rice paper doors were kicked open by an enraged Sano who just couldn't take it anymore. "If you lay a hand on her I swear I'll break your neck!" He cracked his knuckles, his eyes burning with the fire of his wrath.

"Sanosuke," Megumi gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Do you have some business with me, Sagara?" Shoji asked, looking very cross that Sano had destroyed his doors.

"I was looking for Megumi," Sano replied, stepping in front of her. "A bunch of the guys aren't looking so good, and I knew she could help. I figured she already knew, but I didn't know you'd be such a prick about it and leave us all to die like dogs. I should walk out of here right now and go back to Tokyo to let them know how you're treating us!"

"No you won't," Shoji replied staring at his fingernails.

"--and just why not!"

"-because I know for a fact that you have no sense of direction."

Sano swore a word that normally would make Megumi hit him. "I never knew that I'd find someone I hated more than Saitou."

"You two better get out of my face, or I'll make sure of it."

Sano wanted to object, but when Megumi clutched his shoulder, he swore again under his breath, took her hand, and led her out of the room.

"I'll expect you back up here after dinner to fix these doors, Sagara."

"Go to hell."

He would later go back to fix it anyways.

Once they reached the bottom floor, Megumi slammed him up against the wall. "Are you crazy?"

"Sort of," He responded, raising an eyebrow.

"He could have sliced you in two if he wanted!"

"Better me than you, right?" He asked, smiling.

Her cheeks turned bright red. "Oh, stop it!"

"For now, I will," He responded, shrugging. "Right now, you need to do what you do best and help out a bunch of those guys out there."

"-but I'm not allowed," She said bitterly. "I'm a woman…"

"You're a doctor, last time I checked, and those guys need you."

She looked into his eyes, then sighed, putting on a smile. "Right."

-

With every move Kaoru made against Yahiko, she felt worse and worse. Her stomach churned and tumbled, her head pounded, her throat and eyes stung, and every muscle in her body ached with such intensity she found it hard to breathe.

"Kahei!" Yahiko's voice yelled, yet it seemed so distant from her.

Her sword slid across the ground, and she found herself against it moments later. Her hands looked like white blobs in her vision.

"Kahei," A voice said as she was lifted off the ground and bent backwards so that she was laying in someone's arms.

She blinked her eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Her vision managed to clear enough to see Kenshin's face hovering above hers, his amethyst eyes reflecting deep concern. She mouthed his name and smiled slightly.

"Ken-san, move over…" Megumi's voice.

Megumi's cool hand was soothing against her forehead and cheeks as she felt for fever. "This is horrible," She said.

"What's the problem?" Kenshin asked worriedly.

"It's a sever case of exhaustion, I believe," Megumi said. "Carry him inside for me, will you, Ken-san?"

Kaoru felt herself being lifted, but she couldn't work herself closer to him. Her whole body hung limp in his arms.

"I knew he wasn't okay…" Yahiko whispered, hanging his head in shame. "I shouldn't have let him get away with it…"

"Don't blame yourself, Yahiko," Sano said, putting his hand on his shoulder. "Our leader wouldn't have let him stop even if you begged him."

"Yeah, I know… I mean, we all remember what happened to the last guy who was ill…"

His voice went out of hearing distance as she felt as Kenshin carried her up the stairs.

"You're going to be all right…" He assured.

"Ken… shin…" She whispered, her eyesight dimming to blackness.

(A/N: A little SanoMegumi for the fans of that. If you don' t like them together however, just look at it from a friendly POV. It took me awhile to get this up. Sorry 'bout that. The story is getting closer to the end! I'm not sure if I want it to end! No, Kenshin's not going to find out in the next chapter, so don't ask me. Man, you guys are impatient! I love you anyways though. 3 Hope you liked the chapter!)


	19. Eighteen: Determination

Chapter 18: Determination

When she slipped back into consciousness, she was laying under some blankets in the room where Megumi first discovered her secret. Apparently Saitou wasn't around to say she couldn't.

"Kaoru," Megumi said, leaning over her.

"Megumi…" She whispered. "What… happened…?"

"You passed out," Megumi said, helping her into a sitting position.

Kaoru held her head and steadied her vision. "How long have I been out for?"

"Nine hours."

"NINE HOURS!"

"Calm down," Megumi replied. "You'll bring your fever back up."

"Wh-where's Kenshin? He was with me before I lost consciousness…" Kaoru blushed, sighing.

"He went back out to train."

Kaoru pulled herself onto her feet, stumbled slightly, then looked at Megumi. "I have to go out there!"

"You're not going anywhere," Megumi replied seriously. "You need rest."

"I need to get out there and get to work or the leader's going to be pissed!" She replied, surprising herself with her words. They were so… boyish.

"He can be pissed all he wants!" Megumi yelled. "You're not going to kill yourself out there!"

Kaoru stared at Megumi hurtfully. "-but… I…"

"You won't achieve anything if you die," Megumi said, standing and putting her hand on Kaoru's cheek.

"It's… just… it's not fair that I get to lay in here and sleep the day away why they're all out there training so hard even though they're just as tired as I am… I…" She hung her head in shame. "I can't do that."

Megumi's eyes widened slightly. "Kaoru."

"I'm not Kaoru while I'm here," Kaoru replied, noticing her clothes laid out across a rolled up futon. She was still bandaged of course, and she had on her undergarments, but that was it. She started putting her clothing back on. She'd made up her mind, and Megumi wasn't going to change it.

The door slid open. Kaoru let out a little squeak of a noise, but when a small waft of cigarette smoke filled the air, she knew she was safe.

"Shoji-sama has let us quit early today," Saitou said flatly, almost as if he wanted to be out there longer.

"What?" Kaoru pouted. "How come he's only a good guy when I'm not around."

"Oh, trust me, he's not. He let us quit early because Himura protested him," Saitou replied.

Kaoru beamed. "That's Kenshin for you! Where is he?"

"Shoji told him that he could do the training for the guys if they were too tired, so he's outside."

Her smile faded. She passed him and went out the door, and Megumi glared at him. "I was close to getting him back into bed."

"You're not fooling me, I know that's the Kamiya girl," Saitou shrugged.

"WHA-!"

-

Kaoru ignored people calling to her as she ran out the front door and hurried down the steps. She could see Kenshin swinging his sword against imaginary opponents and Shoji sitting back and watching.

"Can't you work any faster, Himura?" Shoji mocked.

Kenshin was soaked in sweat and panting, in nothing but his hakama, socks, and shoes. His small frame could only take so much. He turned and glared at him with golden eyes, then looked away, trying to brush his dripping, crimson bangs out of his face.

Kaoru continued down the steps until a freezing aura froze her in her steps. It was like ice in her veins, and it made her want to throw up. This was not her sickness but the sickness of a man mentally… Two. It was the atmosphere of two cold-blooded killers who would slice without even hearing the screams of their victims… One was Battousai… and the other… was this man… Shoji. How could she never notice…!

Shoji looked as if he was laughing on the inside at the exhausted Battousai, the way his eyes glittered so frostily. "Put your back into it, Himura! I know you're stronger than that."

Kaoru knew that Kenshin had been working twice as hard as any of them… and he was about to snap.

He tightened his grasp on the blade. "KENSHIN!" She screamed, shutting her eyes.

When he looked at her, his sword was inches from Shoji's neck. Though it could not kill (as of that moment), she knew it would injure him, and she didn't want him to be punished any further.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she stared into his eyes, and he looked into hers. He lowered his head and averted his eyes away from her, sheathing his sword.

"Sessha can't do anymore…" He mumbled to Shoji. "Sessha is tired."

Shoji stood, looking all too pleased to hear that. "Then you know where to go. Let's go, Battousai."

He started leading him up the stairs, and as he passed Kaoru, she whispered, "His name is Kenshin."

"Did you say something, Kasuhige?"

"I said his name is Kenshin, sir… Not Battousai," She replied sternly, not looking at him but far out onto the battlefield.

"You have a smart mouth, boy," Shoji said angrily.

"At least something here is," She responded, narrowing her eyes.

"You little brat…" Shoji took hold of the hilt of his blade and drew it so quickly that even Kenshin seemed surprised. His swing was equally quick, and he was aiming for her neck on the right side. Kenshin's eyes widened greatly and turned golden.

"NO!" He screamed.

Shoji swung down, his eyes glimmering with blood-lust.

The clang of two blades colliding silenced the scene. Somehow, Kaoru had drawn her blade as well and blocked his attack by propping it upwards in her hand. Her eyes rolled to the sides to look at him though she did not move a muscle. "Put away your weapon, sir."

"I should be telling you that," He retorted.

"I can't put mine away until you move yours, sir."

A tense moment of silence passed, and he surprisingly sheathed it and walked away, completely forgetting about Kenshin.

"Kahei, are you stupid!" Kenshin yelled, grabbing her between the elbow and the shoulder.

She laughed proudly. "I won't take any more shit from him!"

Kenshin stared at her blankly. "Oro… Weren't you ill?"

"Oh…" She said, going limp in his arms. "…I am…"

-

When she awoke again, she as on her own futon instead of the one in Saitou's room, and Kenshin was sitting next to her with his sword leaning against his shoulder and his eyes closed.

Though by the open door she could see how it was still daylight, all of the men were either fast asleep or close to being so, curled up in their little corners and playing a game or two of poker or go-fish.

Kaoru pulled her blanket up over her nose to hide her blush. She couldn't help but be giddy with the fact that Kenshin was watching over her even when he didn't know it was her. How she wanted to hold his hand or something since he was so kind, but she knew that it would make for a very awkward moment.

She was starting to feel a bit better, especially with Kenshin there beside her. It was like back at home in her dreams… some of her dreams. The other ones were wild fantasies that she had the tendency to have more often as she got older.

She reached out and patted his knee and shook it slightly, snapping him out of his nap.

"O-Oro?" He mumbled, blinking his eyes drowsily.

"You can go upstairs and lay down," Kaoru said quietly.

He smiled at her. "I was just standing guard," He whispered, leaning in close to her. "You know, in case that bastard Shoji wanted to take another whack at you when you were sleeping."

She giggled slightly. "I can assure you that I'd handle him fine."

"You certainly did earlier," He commented in an impressed tone. "Sessha didn't get the chance to thank you properly for helping him."

Kaoru blushed, raising up. "Well… I uh… I guess I just err… Aw, it was nothing!"

Kenshin patted her head. "You're a brave kid. Sessha hopes you live a long and prosperous life filled with happiness."

"Hearing you say that is a start," She muttered.

"Eh…" Kenshin responded, looking a bit flustered from the comment. "S-sessha wishes a good, happy life on everyone."

"Except Shoji," Kaoru replied bitterly.

"Yes," He joked. "Except him."

The two sniggered, doing all they could not to wake anyone up.

"Hey, keep it down you lovebirds," One of the guys complained.

Kaoru let out a little squeak of a noise and turned bright red.

"Hey, man, leave him alone. He's just a kid," His friend told him drowsily, turning over on his, futon away from them.

Kaoru laid back down and covered her face with her blanket in embarrassment.

What she didn't notice that Kenshin was blushing too and looking a bit angry at that comment of theirs. He looked back down at her and smiled calmly and stood. Heading back up the stairs to his quarters, he looked back down at Kaoru who was close to being asleep again already and whispered, "Sleep well, Kahei."

For once she actually did, unburdened by nightmares or dreams that were less than appropriate for the moment. She did dream of course, but this time… it was of home.

How she longed to be back at her house in her own futon, away from all these other men that always seemed to have an eye on her. At home, she would not have to lie her way out of everything, she could eat as much as she wanted, sleep as much as she wanted, and train only if she wanted to… Ah, and in this dream, she would snuggle with her lover -Kenshin, of course- and stare at the stars before they both went to sleep. Sano would bum food off of them while Yahiko complained about various things and eventually stepped out to visit his girlfriend. Even Megumi was welcome in her dream, and she would flirt with Kenshin as usual, but then they'd all laugh it off… It was truly a dream however, for Kenshin was not her lover, and she was certainly… not at home…

Sano looked up from his lousy hand of cards and glanced at her, raising his eyebrow while she smiled in her sleep. "Something about him is too happy. He's got way too much spirit. It makes me tired."

"I just hope him and Himura-san don't hook up," One of the men playing against Sanosuke said. "That wouldn't leave anyone remotely pretty for us."

"You guys are stupid," Sano laughed. "We shouldn't even have to think about those sorts of --flinch-worthy-- things. We'll be back at home with our women before we know it."

"Too bad you don't have one, eh, Sano?" The third of his four-party of poker-players joked, and they all snickered.

"Hey, shut up! I'm just… waiting on the right girl… That's all…" Sano mumbled, blushing and looking away. It seemed as if on cue Megumi came trotting down the stairs with her kit in hand, digging through it to make sure she had everything. Sano stared at her with that look in his eyes, and all of his companions looked at each other and grinned.

"You know, Sagara," The second man whispered, nudging him. "We're men. We're not supposed to wait on the girl if she's standing right in front of us."

Sano's eyes widened, and his face turned a bright shade of red that would put even the color of his bandana to shame.

"By the way, your hand sucks," The man finished, and they all sniggered again.

"You cheated," Sano growled, looking back at them.

"So? You cheated through all the rest of the games."

"I don't know how you knew tha--- I mean, no I didn't!"

"We all saw you," The third member said calmly. "You're a lousy cheater, Sagara."

"Hey, listen here, Kiseki," Sano threatened. "I'll beat you quiet."

"Why don't you go talk to Takani-dono instead?" Kiseki said, winking and pointing to her. She had gone out onto the porch and seemed to be sitting, relaxing.

Sano pouted but got up and sauntered away casually, and all of his poker buddies looked knowingly at each other.

"Hey, Megitsune," He said, plopping down next to her and putting his arm around her.

Kaoru snoozed away while Kenshin too slept, dreaming not of home, but of his dear Kaoru and not having the slightest idea how near she was.


	20. Nineteen: Opening Up

Chapter 19: Opening Up

Kaoru wasn't sure what time it was when she awoke, but what she did know was… she was hungry.

Yahiko was leaning over her and staring at. "Are you awake?" He asked.

"No," She responded sarcastically as she lifted her frame to a sitting position, "I sleep with my eyes open."

"I don't know if you want it, but I got you a bowl of rice," He said, holding out to her. "My sensei, Kaoru, is always telling me that eating gets my strength up, and I can't say she's wrong."

Kaoru stared at the bowl with a mouth watering. Rice never looked so good. She snatched and barely managed to say thank you before wolfing it down just like Yahiko did at home.

Yahiko laughed brightly. "Guess I don't get to eat it." She gave him a toothy grin and went back to eating, and he just laughed hard, falling over.

Hearing that from him, an expression of light-hearted happiness, put a calm air about the place. For once, nobody looked ready to fight each other. They were just talking and being friendly with each other. It was a welcome change, but most likely, it would change very soon.

-

A few days passed. They were back to their vigorous training schedule, and they worked harder to please. For some reason though, Shoji wouldn't show up for many of the practices. Kaoru betted that he had better things to do, like sleep and eat their rations.

The training session done, she sneaked away to the river to bathe, something she hadn't had full opportunity to do in a few days. She couldn't hardly sleep at night because of the smell, so she decided to wash her clothes too.

When she arrived, she was surprised (well, almost) to see Saitou standing there. He wasn't exactly visible in the dark, but seeing those golden eyes and that cigarette light, she knew immediately who it was.

"Come to get a peep in before dinner?" She asked, grabbing some twigs and brush from the edge of the river's beach.

"Maybe," He responded in his always cool voice. "Actually, I was looking for your little friend Soujirou. Rumors have that he's back in town."

"Where do you hear these rumors?" She asked, throwing wood on top of the twigs in a perfect campfire shape.

"I sneak away into town when I don't feel like training."

"I guess with Shoji snoozing away upstairs, you can get away with that. The rest of us, on the other hand, are too scared to piss, lest Shoji comes out and gets on to us for it."

Saitou didn't say anything and merely puffed an answer on his cigarette until she nabbed it out of his mouth and used it to start a fire. He looked angry for a moment, then pulled another one out of his shirt and lit it.

"You could have asked for a match."

She just smirked as she went behind the rocks to undress. "If I asked for a match, you'd probably think I meant a battle."

"True," He said, his eyes glinting.

"So, the rumors are that Soujirou's back," She said, splashing into the water out of his vision. Modest she was not, but it was eerie to be watched by the wolf, clothed or not. Of course, now it was dark when she got there.

"I saw some of his pictures out for sale," Saitou said. "I asked about the artist and the man selling me said he was a young, dark-headed boy in a blue shirt.

"Huh," Kaoru said in half interest, scrubbing her body with soap. "Hey, Saitou, make yourself useful and wash my stinking clothes."

"I'm no servant," He retorted calmly.

"Please?"

He sighed. "How many times can you say please before giving up?"

"I never give up. If my father was alive, you could ask him yourself," She replied.

"Fine," He said flatly, snatching them off the rock and throwing them into the water. "You should be doing this for me."

"Haven't I proved to you that women aren't just meant to sit around and do housework?"

"Not completely, no," He responded, and she growled.

After a few moments of silence, he pulled the clothing out and laid it back on the rocks, sliced a few bamboo poles, shoved them in the ground over the fire, and hung the garments over it to dry.

Kaoru stared blankly at him.

"Sometimes the Shinsengumi had to wash the blood out of their robes. Afterwards, we needed them dry quickly, so we did it this way."

"Why not just wait until the fighting was done?" Kaoru asked, clambering onto shore.

"In the Bakumatsu, the fighting was never done."

She fell silent as she began tying her bandages around herself. "You know, my underwear was okay…"

"You didn't specify," He replied simply, sitting down in front of the fire.

She slumped slightly, giving up, then went and sat down next to him (though still quite a distance away). She kept her legs folded up to her chest and hugged her knees, preventing view of certain areas.

"Soujirou's back, you say… I wonder why… I mean, he high-tailed it out of here, and I doubted I'd see him again."

"Who the hell knows what he's up to?" Saitou asked. "Even though the boy feels emotions now, he's still found someway to drop his swordsman spirit to a level I can hardly read."

Kaoru stared into the fire, the flame's reflection flickering against her azure eyes. She tried to think of why now Soujirou was back in town. Business, perhaps? All he did was sell pictures… Maybe he was seeing someone in town that was important. Who would he know?

"Maybe the boy wants to see you," Saitou suggested as if he had read her mind.

"M-me? Why me?" She asked, blushing.

"How the hell should I know?" He asked.

"I don't know…" She mumbled. "He wouldn't have any reason to see me…"

"Maybe he's fallen for you," He suggested sardonically.

"Heh!" She yelped, turning even redder in the face. "Why would you think that!"

He blew smoke out, then glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. "Every picture of his looked almost exactly like you."

"Well, he drew me when he was here!" She retorted defensively. "So what?"

Saitou rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'm going back to camp. I'm starving."

"Whatever," Kaoru replied, throwing another twig into the fire.

He slinked away without a sound as he often did, leaving her alone with nothing but the song of the crickets.

She hummed an old tune to a song she couldn't remember the name of, feeling incredibly lonely. Sure, Saitou wasn't much company, but he WAS company and that was what mattered. Maybe she could invite Megumi down sometime for girl talk instead of being surprised by gloomy Saitou.

She sighed, halfway in frustration, halfway in boredom, then stood and snatched her clothing off the line. It really did dry quickly, the way he had hung the clothing.

"I guess I'm going to be stuck thanking the wolf…" She told herself regretfully. Saitou wasn't exactly the kind of person she liked to thank. Oh, well…

-

She arrived back and got a bowl of rice, wishing she had something else to eat, but happy that at least there was that much, and sat down on her futon. Yahiko and Sano had not returned from the hot springs yet, so once again, she was alone.

Or at least for a few moments.

She stared at her bowl and worked her chopsticks in when a sudden shadow loomed over her. Looking up, two icy eyes met with hers.

"Ao…shi…" She whispered, amazed. He hadn't exactly approached her like this before.

"I wanted to ask you something," He said in his empty voice.

"Wh-what…?" She spoke in a hushed tone, as if he would maul her, and she didn't know why.

"What do you think of Shoji?"

"I… think he's a jerk," She replied. "Why do you care about my opinion?"

"I was just… curious," He responded, though he didn't seem very convincing… Then again, Aoshi's voice didn't have enough emotion to show whether he was being sarcastic or serious.

He turned and loomed away, brooding as usual.

She stared after him for a long time, feeling like he was hoping for more of an answer than what she gave him.

A heavy hand landed on her shoulder. "Hey," Yahiko's voice said. She turned her head to look at him. "What did he say to you?"

"He was just asking me a question," She told him, rubbing the back of her neck. "I just find it weird that he wanted to ask me of all people."

Yahiko glared at Aoshi's back. "Well, if he keeps harassing you, just let me know."

"I can take care of myself, Yahiko! You're not my father. You're not even older than me!" She complained.

Yahiko pouted. "Yeah, yeah, I know…" He flopped down on his futon and sighed. "I'm sorry… I guess I just felt like being protective. Don't take this the wrong way, but you're kinda pretty. You remind me of a girl, and I'm always really protective of the ones I know back home."

"Even your Kamiya-sensei?" She asked suspiciously.

"ESPECIALLY her," He told her, surprising her. "I owe her my life and everything that's happened in it, and I'm not going to let anyone hurt her. I'll stake my life on it first. Of course… I don't really get the chance to show that side of me because Kenshin can step in quicker than I can and fight better too…"

She wondered how Yahiko would react when he found out that he'd actually told HER these things and did all she could not to giggle. He was such a sweet boy… sometimes.

"I want to protect and care about people too," She admitted, laying down next to him on her futon and looking at him. "I want to prove that I am strong and do the saving one day. I don't want to be saved…" She suddenly found herself actually QUOTING the boy she was talking to! "If I… keep being protected… I won't get any stronger."

His eyes were large and filled with amazement. "I feel the same way…" He whispered, a child-like enchantment ringing in his voice. "Kahei… I just wonder… who are you trying to protect?"

"…" After thinking about it for a moment, she rolled onto her back and looked at the ceiling. "Someone… special to me… A person… that I must keep alive and stable… because I could not be able to go on without them… at my side…"

Yahiko stood and took her bowl to the front, not looking at her the entire time. When he returned, he still did not look at her, until she asked him what was wrong. It was then that she realized… he had tears in his eyes.

"Yahiko…" She whispered, concerned.

"It's nothing," He told her in a trembling voice. "It's just… you and me… we're the same… We share the same hopes and dreams… but… it's as if you flow even deeper than that."

She cast her eyes downward. Her guilt was rising in her chest again. How many lies had she told him since she started her little escapade?

"There's something about your nature that's so… pure or something… You remind me a lot… of my sensei…" He shut his eyes and whimpered slightly but refused to cry.

She on the other hand….

Tears rolled down her face. The guilt tore her up, and the words warmed her heart. She wished she could hold him and stroke his hair and apologize for lying and tell him who she really was… but…

Her head fell forward onto his shoulder. "Don't say that…" She choked. "You're stronger, more honorable, and pure than I'll ever be. Your dreams and hopes run deeper than mine ever will…"

Yahiko stared at the top of her head as she sobbed silently into his shoulder, her own shoulders shivering. "When this is over…" He said. "I hope we can spend many days together as friends…"

"I just hope that… you'll still want to be my friend after this…" She said breathily, sniffling and sniffing.

Yahiko didn't question her words.

Aoshi watched them from the stairs, his eyes narrow. Saitou looked at him at the top of the stairway before going into his room, as if having a silent conversation. Aoshi retreated to the second floor to rest.

For once, Kaoru felt like she was herself again… for even though she didn't tell him anything, she was not lying to Yahiko, and in fact was opening up to him, letting him know how she truly felt about him. Had she been herself for real, and not the alias Kasuhige Kahei, she would have let him know…

She would've given anything for a little brother like him to love… after all, why did he think she saved him in the first place?

(A/N: Ta-da! Another update! Even though it was kind of filler... Oh, well... Anyways, I wanted to let you know that in the next couple of chapters, possibly even the next one, it might get a little suggestive. I just wanted to serve that as a warning. I might even up the rating a little, though I promise it won't be really filthy or anything. I'll be vague. Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter and thanks again for the reviews! I really, really appreciate them! 3)


	21. Twenty: The Feeling of Guilt

Chapter 20: The Feeling of Guilt

Two full weeks went by with nothing eventful happening whatsoever. They would see Shoji some days, much more often than before, but a few days he didn't show up at all, and Kaoru would snag a nap near the edge of the training ground with Sano and a few other guys. Needless to say, she was very well rested as of these days and stronger too. She could feel the muscle in her arms. She wasn't quite so skimpy anymore.

Day after day, it was the same old stuff, and it got tedious after awhile. Once she tried spicing it up by imitating one of Kenshin's moves. If Yahiko could do it, why not her? She ended up totally screwing it up and falling on her face and being laughed at by a few of the other guys. She dusted off her pride and stuck to what she was originally doing, mastering Battou Jutsu.

After a day of napping with little bits of training in between, she found herself in bed that night, completely and utterly unable to sleep.

Lying there, staring at the ceiling, she did all she could to fall asleep, yet sleep would not come. She was restless.

It was then that she felt it…

This must have been this ki thing that Kenshin had talked about. He'd been trying to help her sense it over the week, but she hadn't had much luck. Yet, this one stood out clearly, as if it was calling to her.

She soundlessly got up and walked across the floor, concentrating on the source. Once she got onto the porch, she could tell it was coming from her left, near the poles where men were punished.

She slowly and cautiously found her way over. The moon was bright on this night, so things were easy to see.

When she reached the edge of the wall, she was just about to turn the corner, when a voice said, "You're fine. Stay there."

She gasped.

"Don't be afraid, Kaoru-chan."

She recognized that voice.

"Soujirou?" She whispered fiercely, peeking around the corner.

"Long time no see, Kaoru-chan," Soujirou said beaming at her, but soon his face darkened to a serious expression. "Unfortunately, I'm not just here to chit-chat. I can't stick around long or I might be caught."

"Caught by who?" She asked.

"That's not important," He replied quickly. "Just listen…"

She placed her back against the wall and did so.

"It's not safe here anymore… I want you to run away from this place, Kaoru."

"What!"

"I mean it, Kaoru. This is no place for a woman, and I can't let you get hurt. Pardon my language, but some bad shit is about to happen."

"What makes you think that?" Kaoru asked angrily.

"I can't disclose any information yet because I'm not positive that it's accurate. I do, however, know that there are quite a few people that could hurt you, and I can't let it happen."

She came around the corner and pinned him against the wall. "If you think I'm going to leave because you tell me to, you've got to be insane."

"-but, Kaoru-"

"Listen to me. I'm on a mission. I've got to protect the ones that I love at no matter what the cost, and I will not abandon that mission because you think danger is approaching me. Danger is the thing I have to face, not run from. Why did you think I'd listen?"

"I-- I was hoping you would," He said regretfully. Her hands loosened on his shoulders when he reached up and touched her face. His hands were surprisingly soft. "Kaoru…"

She knew exactly what was going on. She had felt the same way on occasion with Kenshin…

"I'm in love with Kenshin," She said, putting her hand against his wrist. "I'm sorry."

He smiled. "I knew that… but please… at least think about what I've said."

The sound of the front door sliding open startled him. "I must go," He said, and escaped without a sound into the bushes. She stared after him.

"Kasuhige," Shoji's unwelcoming voice called. "What are you doing?"

"I--- I was just going to pee, sir," She lied. It was strange how easy it was to lie to him.

He glared at her. "Were you talking to someone?"

"Just myself, sir…"

His eyes narrowed more if possible, and he left her alone. She breathed a sigh of relief and looked back towards the woods. Soujirou was long gone.

Lying in bed again that night, she thought about what he'd said. When did he fall in love with her? -or was she just imagining it and got nervous? It made her a bit uncomfortable, thinking about that. He had told her to leave, and that made her angry, yes… but what was about to happen? Maybe she could get Kenshin, Yahiko, and Sanosuke to go too if things did get too serious…

She rolled on her side and stared at the stairway, remembering the conversation she and Kenshin had had there. Suddenly, she felt even more wracked with guilt… It came upon her like a wave, and she hadn't felt this bad about it ever. Her opening up to Yahiko had really made her realize just how many lies she told, just how much she'd deceived them. How would they react when they found out that she had deluded them in such a way? Would they ever trust her again? Would they even let her explain?

Kaoru pulled the blanket over her head and put her hands over her mouth, hot tears burning at the edge of her lashes. _I just want to help them so they come back to me… but what if I'm the one who pushes them AWAY!_ She shook violently to hold back her sob, and eventually, she had to get up and run out of the building.

She rushed down the steps, then flung herself around one of the trees at the edge of the training area and sobbed, slowly dropping to her knees. "What have I done? What have I done!" She swept her tears away with the edge of her sleeve, but they instantly returned. "How could I have been so stupid… I can save them, I know… but somehow I feel like I'm going to fail… I feel like I've failed… They'll hate me… when they find out the truth…" She calmed down and settled to sniffling. "I don't know if I could bare it… if they hated me… I just don't want to be alone again…"

She turned around and placed her back against the tree and took a few deep breaths. "Now, now, Kaoru," She told herself. "I need to calm down… I know they wouldn't react that way, right?… I mean, surely they'd allow me to explain… and Megumi! Megumi will back me up…" She shook herself and smacked her cheeks, then wiped them clean. "It'll be okay…"

She stood up and sighed. "…but… what if it's not…? Just imagining them not being in my life… especially Kenshin…" She put her fists to her chest. "My heart aches…"

After standing in silence for a moment, a thought came across her mind. _Should I… tell him?_

She shook her head. That would jeopardize the situation… or… had it already gone to far to even make that much of a difference…?

As she entered the temple again, she decided to think about it. This was a decision that had been haunting her since day one, and it required a lot of thought before just rushing into things. Would she, or not? If she did, how would she do it? Would she be discreet or open? What time? What place? What would she say? The questions alone made the 'keeping it a secret' part a lot more appealing.

She laid down on her futon for the third time that night and curled up under the covers. How could only one night bring so many questions to her mind. Soujirou's voice in her head was still begging her to leave this place, and if she was not determined to help out, she would have in a heartbeat. What she wondered was… would she be any help at all?

-

Training continued the next morning, and surprisingly, Shoji decided to show up to this practice. Kaoru didn't pay him any regard as she worked her way through the entire workout. Yet, she couldn't help but fill that there were eyes upon her. Whenever she glanced over her shoulder, she would see Aoshi, standing with his arms crossed, his cold eyes upon her. His icicle-stabbing stare sent shivers down her spine.

Why was he watching her? What was he trying to pull out of her brain?

A man's fist landed in her stomach while she was distracted, and she crumpled to the ground. Yahiko appeared from nowhere and nailed the guy in the face.

"Hey, Kahei, are you okay?" Yahiko asked, helping her up.

"Bastard," She muttered in the other guy's direction. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Usually you're not so distracted," He said as she dusted herself off.

"Aoshi's been staring at me. It's freaking me out," She told him.

Yahiko glanced over her shoulder, and Aoshi looked away.

"Well, he's not now… Come on, we'll go to the other side of the field so he can't distract you."

"Yeah, thanks," She said, trailing him at the edge of the crowd.

"This is a good spot," He said once they were far from everyone else and plopped down on the ground. "I need a break."

She stared out at the crowd that was pretty much nothing more than men beating the crap out of each other and enjoying it way too much.

"Yahiko…" She spoke wistfully, not looking at him.

"Yeah, what?" He asked as he drew figures in the dirt with a stick.

"I was wondering… if you ever wanted to ask someone something, but you were afraid that after you asked it… they wouldn't like you anymore…"

"I dunno…" Yahiko said, tossing the stick down. "I've always had a rough life, up until the point I met Kenshin and Kaoru… After that, I kinda just learned not to face my life with fear. I act on impulse. I do as I think is best. If it works out, great. If it doesn't, shit. I'll face my own consequences. I don't let anything hold me down."

She smiled. "I figured you'd say that…"

"So, why do you ask?"

"I've… not been entirely truthful to someone close to me…" Talk about an understatement. She'd been untruthful to three people close to her, and it was more than what she said. "I feel like if I tell this person the truth… they'll hate me for deceiving them…"

Yahiko stared at her for a long time. "You… you're not a spy, are you?"

"NO!" She screamed. "I'm not a spy! It's something entirely different that has nothing to do with that!"

Yahiko rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry… I was just making sure."

She crossed her arms and pouted. "I'm not. This has something to do with my feelings, not this stupid training camp."

"Your feelings…?" Yahiko asked. "You're not a homosexual, are you?"

"No!" She growled. "Just forget it. Forget that I asked."

He dusted himself off as he stood and put his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Kahei, I trust you. You'll tell me if you want to."

"You wouldn't trust me… if you knew me…" She mumbled, feeling guilt-ridden and somber. She walked away without another word to him. He called out, but she did not look back. He was good enough not to follow.

_This feeling gets worse and worse… This pain… This guilt… I'll go insane if I keep this up… All these lies…!_ She walked quickly as she could.

BAM! Unexpectedly, she was knocked to the ground in the middle of the brawl. Her mind erased the current thoughts she was carrying, and she immediately threw her hands over her head as men fought each other, unnoticeably stomping all around her. She felt feet start to pound upon her back, but someone snatched her by the ankle and yanked her out.

She looked up hopefully, expecting to see Kenshin, but her smile faded quickly. "Kasuhige," Shoji said, looking delighted that he had her at his control. "I see you're proving just how useless you are."

The words shattered her. She truly was no help…

Shoji smirked and threw her down, then gave her a good, hard kick in the stomach. "Get up and try to be useful, boy!" He yelled, marching away.

"Kahei!" She heard Sano's voice as she pulled herself onto her hands and knees, trembling. Then, as soon as she was in position, she vomited. "Are you all right?"

She let out a bit of a moan as she wiped her mouth. "Yeah… I'm fine…"

"You should go see Megumi," He said.

"Go see her yourself! I said that I'm fine!" She yelled, smacking him away as she stood up.

"-but-"

"Leave me alone!" She shouted, running away. Sano started to chase after, but he got caught in the crowd.

She bumped into a person and fell. When she looked up, her vision was blurry with tears. "No…" She whimpered. "Not you… not now…"

Kenshin kneeled down in front of her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" She said. He stared deep into her eyes, and she realized that she was indeed… lying again… "Everything! Okay!"

He put his hand on her face and wiped her tears away. "Maa, it's all right."

"It's not all right! You don't understand! You can't!"

Kenshin didn't respond. "Maybe sessha doesn't, but he wants to help."

"The only one… who can help me now… is me…" She told him, hanging her head. "You can't help me…"

He nodded and stood up. The sun sank behind him.

(A/N: Not this chapter, I'm afraid! Please don't hurt me you guys. Oh, man, can you believe it? Twenty chapters! …and a prologue! You guys are awesome for sticking with me through all this. Next chapter will be up as soon as I can get it up, possibly tomorrow or even today. The next chapter will probably be longer than this one, or at least that's what I hope for. I really, really love you guys so much for reading and reviewing. You guys are so cool.)


	22. Twenty One: Understanding

Chapter 21: Understanding

Training ended at last, and Kaoru was the first one away from the scene. She didn't want to look at or see anyone, especially after her breakdown on the field.

She slowly built a fire for herself so she could see the shore after bathing. "I'm useless, I'm stupid…" She yanked her clothes off in frustration and threw them over a rock. "Why am I here!"

She splashed into the cold water and shivered as she sank into it. The dark sky was covered in clouds, and she heard a slight rumbling in the distance. "Damn…" She whispered. "A storm's coming." Scrubbing down her body quickly, she dunked her body under the water. "As if things couldn't get any worse…"

Her feet reached shore, and she walked across the ground while drying herself off with towels. She wrapped her bandages. "Shit, shit, shit," She cursed, pulling her shirt on. "I've never had so much self-loathing for myself! I've never felt so bad before!"

She yanked her hakama up around her waist. "I'm horribly sad… I'm angry… I'm confused… and I feel so…" Her eyes heated up with tears. "WORTHLESS!" She banged her fists onto the ground. "Why?" She yelled at it, as if it would answer her. "I thought in the beginning that I was doing something good! I thought I was helping the ones I love! Why don't I feel this way now? Send me a sign! Tell me WHY!"

There was no sign to send…

-

When she arrived back at camp, she was one of only four who had returned, none of them that she knew. Her stomach lurched at the thought of food. Her mind was telling her that at the moment she didn't deserve it.

Laying on her futon, she stared at the flight of steps, still badgering herself in her head.

_You're such a fool, Kaoru… but what do I do now?_ She asked herself. _Even if I run back home like the coward I am, they'll still know I've been here when they come back and see me with the cropped hair and all the other stuff I did…There's no way to escape it… They'll never trust me again…_

She closed her eyes and pulled her blanket over her, not going to sleep, but pretending to be so no one would bother her while her doubt and guilt hung over her head like the rain clouds were hanging in the sky.

Yahiko's, Sano's, and Kenshin's voices rang in her ears like a nightmare when they returned, and she tried her best to ignore them.

Silence came on Kenshin's behalf, and he was in mid-sentence too.

Curiosity overwhelmed her, and she finally opened her eyes and peeked over her shoulder. He was looking right at her.

Her heart skipped a beat. He looked so incredibly gorgeous at that very moment, she could almost feel the dirty thoughts rising in her mind. Yet… he looked sad or disappointed, perhaps…. Concerned? She turned away in shame. How could she possibly think that she'd even deserve someone as wonderful as Kenshin. Even thinking about him that way should have been forbidden. She wondered if she'd ever be able to face him again.

After a few minutes, a soft, unsteady voice caught her ear. "K-Kahei?"'

"What…" She mumbled. Yahiko.

"I… I brought you some rice…" He muttered, sounding almost like he was ten years old again, maybe even five.

"I don't want it…" She replied coldly.

He didn't say anything, but he didn't move. After a moment, she heard the bowl be set down next to her futon. "You can eat it if you change your mind," He told her before starting on his own meal.

Kenshin's feet thumped on the stairs as he ascended them. "Goodnight, Yahiko, Sano," He said half-way up, then worriedly added"…Kahei…"

She couldn't answer him now. That name… Kahei… it was like being spit on. Another of her lies continuing to be shoved in her face.

After about an hour of laying in silence, she heard Yahiko sigh a bit. The bowl behind her was lifted and taken over to someone else, most likely Sano, and she heard them share it before Yahiko returned and crawled into bed. The candles were all blown out after about five minutes, and the room went dark.

_I shouldn't…_Her own voice spoke to her in her mind, breaking the silence. _I shouldn't… hate myself this way… You shouldn't do this, Kaoru…_

Her eyes opened to reveal her in a dream, standing on her dojo's porch. The colors around her seemed so much paler, as if painted in water colors, and she and the person there with her were the only things that seemed solid in this strange almost home. She was dressed in her Kahei garb, beaten and bruised. Before her… was herself, standing with her long hair fluttering with the sakura blossoms, dressed in the kimono Kenshin had given her. Kahei-Kaoru felt extremely ugly and plain compared to her other self, but knowing that it was indeed HERSELF was what made it all the more confusing.

"You shouldn't hate yourself, Kaoru," The beautiful Kaoru told her.

"But I," Kahei-Kaoru said, teary eyed. "I can't bare it. These lies, this guilt…" Her heart ached.

Kaoru stepped forward and took her face in her hands. Kahei-Kaoru remembered when her hands used to be that womanly, and she couldn't help but feel strange that she was looking into her own eyes yet she was unable to read her own thoughts. Perhaps it was because since this place and these versions of herself were created by her subconscious, they did not have thoughts, for thoughts they were themselves. "Don't let it tear you up this way. You did this for the love of your family, and they will never hate you for that."

"How do you know?" Kahei-Kaoru whispered tearfully.

"I know because I'm you, Kaoru. Nobody knows you better than yourself."

The words surprised her. "Myself…" She whimpered. "No… I… I still don't know about how they'll react…"

"They love you, Kaoru," She stated seriously. "You know more than anything in your heart that they love you. You've put this as your duty, and you will not fail. You were taught not to give up when you were very young, and you can't change that."

"It just seems so hopeless…" Of course they loved her. NOW. She couldn't imagine how they'd react when they found out. She didn't even know if she could trust herself, much less if anyone else could.

"Lots of the time things seem hopeless. Kenshin probably thought things seemed hopeless several times while in battle, but he didn't quit. Yahiko never even let the word hopeless cross his mind, and neither did Sano."

"-but I'm not Kenshin, or Yahiko, OR Sano!" She retorted, balling up her fists. How in heaven's name could she argue with herself this way!

"You're Kamiya Kaoru," Kaoru said, leaning her forehead against Kahei-Kaoru's forehead. "That's who you are, who WE are, and who we will always be. You can change your clothes and hair, but you can't change who you are on the inside. Nobody can."

"So… no one… can ever change…" Kahei-Kaoru said sadly. "Then, why am I trying to stop Kenshin from being Battousai… I remember Jin'e telling him that hitokiri will always be hitokiri… Does that mean that trying to help him destroy Battousai so he can finally live in ease… is pointless?" She couldn't understand herself.

"You can't change who you are," Kaoru repeated. "Yet, you can change what you do, how you influence people. You can't change you, but you can change the life around you. Do you understand?"

Kahei-Kaoru was silent for a moment, just staring in wide-eyed belief. "…Yes…" She whispered, closing her eyes.

"It's not right to hate yourself, or feel unworthy of Kenshin or anyone else."

"Yes…" Kahei-Kaoru agreed, putting her fist to her heart.

"It is okay… to love a man…" She told her, stepping back and stroking her cheek with her soft hand. "It is all right to love Kenshin."

"Yes…!" Kahei-Kaoru nearly shouted, fluttering her eyes open, a smile forming on her face at the thought of it.

"You can save him… Love him to save him from the killer within… Love him to save him… and love him to save yourself…" Kaoru said, beaming at her. Kahei-Kaoru remembered when she used to be beautiful.

"Save myself?" She asked, surprised. "I need to be saved?"

"You would know, wouldn't you?" Kaoru laughed.

Her eyes flew open. She wasn't sure how long it had been since she fell asleep, but it appeared that everyone else had dozed off. The only thing in her ears was the sound of her heavy breathing. The two sides of her, divided, had met with each other and come to a new understanding that she had never expected. One side of her was so doubtful and upset, while the other was loving and determined. These were her emotions coming together and finally empathize with one another. It all came together and clicked, like the last two pieces of a puzzle had come together.

Her heart pounded in her chest, when the thunder frazzled her even more. It was then that sound fully returned, and she could hear a heavy rain falling outside through howling wind and light breathing and snoring from the men around her.

She knew what she had to do.

Clambering to her feet, she got her land legs back (apparently that strange dream had knocked her out of her wits), then started up the first flight of stairs.

It was amazing that it was so dark on Aoshi's floor. The moonlight couldn't penetrate through the wood like it did through the rice-paper doors on the bottom floor. She slowly stepped up the second flight, making sure not to stomp in case someone woke up.

The third floor wasn't any darker than the second, but the people had laid out in strange arrangements, and she had to step over and around them as to not rouse them from their slumber. Up ahead was the door to the next room that would seal her fate.

The walk seemed to take forever even though it didn't, but she supposed it was because it felt like her heart was pounding faster than time itself. When she finally reached her destination, she heaved a sigh of relief and opened the door slowly.

She closed it behind her when the sound of a sword being pushed slightly out of the sheath by the thumb nearly frightened her into a heart attack.

The candle lit inside his room, and she peeked over her shoulder to see him in his night robes, sitting up on his futon with sakabatou in one hand and match in the other. "K-Kahei?" He questioned, blowing out the match and tossing it behind him.

"Kenshin…" She said, taking a step forward.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. "You should be downstairs, sleep-"

"I know," She interrupted. "…but I… I needed to talk to you."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, then moved his legs so that he was sitting on his feet and leaving her room for a spot.

Kenshin was lucky. His room was very spacious. Of course, it was also very empty.

Just as she was about to sit down, the thunder boomed again, and she fell, gasping. She was much more panicky than she thought.

"Are you all right?" He asked worriedly. Typical Kenshin.

"Fine… fine…" She whispered, blushing.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asked.

"I… well… err… first of all… I wanted to… apologize… for earlier…" She explained, blushing in embarrassment and fumbling with her fingers.

"Apologize?" He asked, blinking. He looked genuinely bewildered.

"Yeah… I… was kind of giving you all the cold shoulder, but I was just to ashamed to look at you…" She replied rather solemnly.

"Ashamed? Kahei, what's there to be ashamed of?" He asked, smiling.

She smiled at him, though tears were welling up in her eyes. Damn, those women emotions. "Oh, Kenshin… if only you knew…" Her voice quivered when she spoke, and there was a thick feeling in her throat.

His smile faded, and his fingers lightly grazed her cheek. "What's wrong? Tell me."

"Everything!" She sobbed, pushing his hand away, though she kept it quiet enough as to not wake the others. Knowing how tired they were and how loud the storm was, it was a safe bet that she was safe. After she settled down, which only took a moment, she continued by saying, "Kenshin, I… I'm not who you think I am!"

He seemed a bit taken aback from this. He opened his mouth, but he couldn't seem to form words because he was so confused.

"I've… I've deceived you! I've lied and masqueraded and fooled you, and Yahiko, Sano, almost everyone this whole time! I'm not really what you think!"

Her heart banged against her ribs as she took in shaky breaths. "I'm not truthful. I feel horrible about what I've done, but you have to understand that I did it all for the love of my family. I did it all for you!"

"Me?" He whispered. "You did it for…" He trailed off, knotting his eyebrows.

"Oh, Kenshin… Don't you see?" She asked, and her voice then lifted into its original octave. "It's me, Kaoru!"

His eyes widened.

(A/N: Woo-hoo-hoo-HOO! How do you like them apples! I know the chapter's not exactly long, but I wanted to end it there so I had more freedom to write the next chapter without feeling restricted to a limit. Plus, it'd be a lot harder to cut it off from anywhere else. The next chapter, the real fun begins! I bet you're all just itching to find out! 3 Well, see you in the next chapter! I'll post it ASAP!)


	23. Twenty Two: Saved By Love

Chapter 22: Saved By Love

The silence was deafening to Kaoru as their eyes met with each other. She chewed on her lower lip nervously. Silence was not the reaction she was hoping for. She hadn't expected him to open his arms to her and laugh it off of course, but a word or two would've been nice.

"K…Kenshin…?" She whispered fearfully, hoping that he hadn't died of shock.

"W…" He finally responded dumbly with, "What?"

Her eyes stung. "I'm sorry I lied to you…"

His expression hardened. He looked partly shocked, partly angry… but mostly hurt. "I can't believe you did this…" The thunder bellowed outside.

"You have to understand-"

"You have to understand!" He exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders. "You've put your life in danger, you've lied to these people!"

"I know, but-"

"Do you have any idea what would have happened if you were found!"

"Yeah, but-"

He shook her slightly. "You would've been killed! Why would you risk something like that to come here!"

Her eyes burned as the tears rolled down her cheeks. "Let go of me!" She screamed as the thunder overtook her voice, and she smacked him.

He let go, and his stunned reaction returned.

"Listen!" She sobbed.

He held his face, staring at her.

"I know what risk it was! I know better than anyone does! I've risked my life several times before, but never like this! You don't know what I've gone through! I've had to hide my identity, put up a façade that I didn't know what I was doing, work strenuously for hours on meager meals and sleep, watch my friends dying and die, almost die myself from exhaustion, beg Megumi to keep my identity a secret, fight Saitou to keep it a secret, be called a spy, and think I was a spy because I talked to Soujirou who was lying to me about who he was just like I was lying to you about who I was! Trust me! I know how you feel right now, like you want to kill me! I want me dead too, but you have to understand that I did it all for Yahiko, Sano, and YOU! Especially you!" It amazed her how fast she spoke, even though she was crying uncontrollably now. Her whole body shook with anger and hatred, love and fear, pain and every other emotion she'd ever experienced. It all rolled upon her and exploded out of her mouth. It amazed her that she'd been holding back this much for this long.

Kenshin seemed to be taking it all in fairly slowly. Finally, it dawned upon him. "Kaoru… That means… Sessha wasn't crazy… Sessha sensed you because…"

"Oh, you idiot!" She shouted, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. "Yes I was here! Kenshin!"

She didn't know why, but suddenly she threw her arms around him and screamed into his chest. Now all that exploded from her mouth was exploding from her eyes, from her heart. "Are you even listening to me!" She whimpered, and her voice shook more than ever before.

His hands came up onto her shoulder and pushed her back so that she could look into his eyes.

"Why… Just tell me why…" He whispered. "Why would you risk your life… to come here… What would come of this…?"

"You told me… You told me that you might not come back because you might be forced to kill again. I couldn't… I couldn't bare it. I knew that Yahiko and Sano would stay by your side, and I knew that I would be all alone if you lost your sanity to the killer in you…" She sniffed. "I couldn't let it happen. I knew I had to do something! I wanted to help you, and I knew that you wouldn't kill if someone brought you back to your senses, so I… I was stupid, and I disguised myself as a boy so I could be that person." She looked away from him in shame, but he turned her face back to him. Her eyes wouldn't meet with his though.

The candle went out from the chill in the room.

He wouldn't say anything, and finally she hung her head. "Please, Kenshin… _forgive me…_"

His eyes grew in surprise.

**_He lowered his face more deeply into her hair, and closed his eyes. The top of her beautiful tresses then began to dampen. "Forgive me…" He said. _**

He threw his arms around her and leaned his head into her shoulder.

"I forgive you…" He whimpered, and she felt her shoulder become wet with tears. This caused her own to come flowing back.

"Kenshin, I…"

"I just don't know why…" He sobbed. "…why would you care so much… for a man like this one? This man… who murdered in the past…"

"I told you when we met that I don't care about your past," She choked out. "I knew you were Battousai, but I didn't want to fear you… I wanted to heal you…"

"Nothing can heal sessha's soul…"

"Nothing but love can save us now!"

He opened his eyes and pulled away, looking positively bowled over. "What?"

"Kenshin… I… I love you…" She whispered, putting her hands on his face. "I've loved you for so long… I wanted you to come back because my heart wouldn't let you walk out of my life forever… Kenshin… You're in my heart, you're in my soul, you're in my dreams and spirit, in my past and in my present, and I want you to be… in my future too. I want to be with you forever, until the end of time! Kenshin, I love you more than I can even begin to put into words. You came when I was alone and afraid and you helped me, and while you saved me, I did all I could to save you too… Love is all can save us now… Please, I know you don't feel the same way about me, but… Let me love you to save you… and at least pretend you love me… to save me… because that's all I want! All I want is you!"

She pushed herself forward, and pressed her lips to his. His lips were cold against hers, showing just how long it had been since someone had been there. When she pulled away, fear settled over. What if he didn't accept her! She knew what had happened to the last person he had loved.

He was breathing a bit heavily when he looked into her eyes. It was hard to see his expression in the dark. She lowered her eyes. No response…

Their lips met again, but this time, it was his first. She was so surprised that she forgot to close her eyes.

When he pulled away, they were still inches apart, and she let out a sigh, remembering that she had to breathe. They both came together at the same time on the third time, and the feeling intensified. He tilted his head to get in deeper and she didn't know how to respond. This was not only her first time going even this far (unless in her dreams), but it was only her third kiss.

She realized that thinking was ridiculous and let her body take over, and she shut her eyes and moaned against his lips, clutching his shoulders.

He slipped his tongue into her mouth and turned her around so that she was laying on his futon and he was on top of her. Their tongues danced with each other, and she felt her body heating up. She couldn't believe this was happening. Never in her wildest dreams did it feel like this. Dreams always had the disappointment of waking up and discovering it was just a dream, and she hoped and prayed to the gods that this was indeed real.

He parted his lips from her only slightly. "What do you want me… to do…" He asked breathily, shivering slightly.

She tilted her head back and replied softly. "…Everything…"

"Are… you sure…?"

"More than anything… I've ever done…"

He moved in again, but his lips did not touch hers. Instead, they grazed down her neck. He moved her shirt downward as he reached her shoulder and trailed her collarbone lovingly.

Her hands were now firmly gripped on his night robe, and she pulled it off of his own shoulders. "Kenshin…" She whispered.

"What?" He asked, stopping.

She lifted her body up against his so that they were in a sitting position with her head against his shoulder. Her shirt slipped down around her wrists, and she slipped them free and touched his scarred, fully-bared chest. "I don't know if I can breathe…" She gasped, feeling constricted in her own body.

He leaned his head into her shoulder as his hands slipped around her back. "Don't die…" He joked in her ear.

"I think I already have…" She responded. "I'm without you…" Her hands took hold of his belt, the only thing holding his robe together, and she pulled it away. His hands dropped only long enough for it to slip off, and he kissed her neck up to her lips.

"…and you're sure you're sure about this…" He asked.

"Yes…" She told him, leaning up and kissing his forehead. "Let me show you… How much I adore you, Kenshin…"

"Sessha does not deserve you, Kaoru-dono…" He told her, though he didn't make any sign of stopping.

"Sessha does not deserve you either, Kenshin-dono," She replied, holding his face in her hands. "My name… is Kaoru… just… Kaoru…"

His hand placed itself against her soft, still tear-stained cheek, while she lowered hers to remove the accursed hakama.

"I don't know about this…" He admitted, kissing her cheek, her lips, and her other cheek.

"We'll never know everything… but we can't fear or we'll lose…"

"Lose… what, may sessha ask?"

"Each other."

The silhouettes danced in the darkness, fingers coming together, lips, and then bodies. A love expressed softly and dearly, the only way one person could truly express the want for another.

Kaoru kept waiting for her eyes to snap open and find herself downstairs in bed, but it never happened. This was the real deal. At long last, he knew how she felt, and he accepted her and saved her. She finally gave in and forgot completely about everything and anything except for her lover, the man that she cared so deeply for. The only one she'd ever been with, and the only one she'd ever want to be with.

Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she shut them, ignoring the pain in her body. She wanted to scream, and it almost escaped her until his lips placed themselves against hers again. "You must…" He gasped. "You must keep quiet… Kaoru…"

To not hear the honorary -dono at the end of her name, to actually hear her name for the first time out of his mouth in a long time, was enough to fall even deeper in love with him. He kissed her even more deeply, moaning against her lips. It seemed he was holding back a bit as well, but at the time, Kaoru didn't acknowledge it. She was too lost in her world of happiness.

The thunder boomed outside, and the rain pattered against the walls. The whole world seemed to be letting out every emotion she was unable to on her own. It would time perfectly with her as if fate would have it that way on purpose.

When she couldn't take it anymore, she let out a shout of Kenshin's name, and the thunder cracked loud enough to overshadow it completely.

Her body fell limp against his futon, and she panted for air.

He hovered above her, his breathing shaking as he smiled at her. His whole body trembled, and he softly laid down on top of her, his head in the crook of her neck.

"You're… shaking…" She whispered exhaustedly, placing her hand against his shoulder.

He blinked slowly and let out a small sigh. "Am… I?…"

Her eyes felt heavy, her body numb, and she put her arms around him and held him close to her.

"You may not be… by my side forever…" She told him, leaning her mouth into his hair and placing a light kiss on his head. "…but… tonight… at least I'll have the satisfaction of knowing… that you were… mine…"

"Kaoru…" He whispered.

She had fallen asleep.

"I love you too…" He finished before falling into subconscious as well.

-

Her body was shaken awake rather unpleasantly.

"Get up, Kaoru," Kenshin said fiercely.

She blinked sleepily, raising up. For a moment, she forgot where she was.

Kenshin had gotten dressed already.

"Kaoru, you have to get up," He told her. "You can't be discovered."

She finally realized what he meant. "Shit!" She cried, crawling across the bed and grabbing her bandages that had been pulled away from her amidst their love. "Help me, Kenshin!"

He began wrapping her chest for her while she pulled on her underwear. Her body ached terribly, but it was a good kind of pain.

"Where did I put my clothes?" She asked, fishing around for them in the dark. "Damn, I can't see a thing in this darkness."

Kenshin found a match somewhere and lit the candle again, and she found them lying before her with a sigh of relief from both of them.

…but just as she grabbed her shirt, the door opened…

(A/N: I've changed the rating, just to be safe, though I think it was more limy implied stuff than anything. I've never really written a love scene before, so I guess I sorta chickened out, lol.Wow, I've gotten so many reviews! We finally hit the 200 mark, and even went over! Oh, man, you guys ROCK! Of course, I bet you're pretty pissed because I left you at another cliffhanger, ne? Don't get mad! I'll finish the next chapter ASAP, I promise! XOXOXOXO)


	24. Twenty Three: Final Battle

Chapter 23: The Final Battle

"Well, isn't this just pretty…"

Kaoru stared up at the looming figure, not moving. Kenshin seemed to have frozen too.

"I never thought I'd find this when I opened the door."

His disgusting voice was just filled with anticipation.

"Shoji…" Kenshin growled fiercely. Kaoru felt his aura freeze over behind her.

"I don't believe this!" Shoji exclaimed, laughing. "Not only is Kahei actually a little girl, but a slut too!"

Kenshin grabbed his sakabatou.

"You know what we do with little sluts," Shoji said, grabbing her wrist and yanking her off the floor quickly. She held her shirt in front of her as he pulled her out the door at a very quick-walking pace. "EVERYONE UP! EVERYONE GET UP AND FOLLOW ME!" He practically sang.

The men were all seen, fumbling to their feet. Kenshin was lost in the commotion, but she could hear him yelling to her. "Kaoru!" He shouted, trying to push the men out of his way.

"Kenshin!" She called back fearfully as Shoji hurried down the steps. She missed a few of them and hurt her feet as she stumbled. "Let go of me! Let go!" She hissed at Shoji. She had no weapon.

"That's right! UP I SAY!" He continued on the second floor, and now many of them were getting up to see what all the noise was about.

"Stop it!" She yelled, trying to pull her arm away while he dragged her down the next flight towards the bottom floor. If she tried to hit him, she'd lose her shirt, and for some reason she couldn't let go of it even if she wanted to. "LET GO, LET GO!"

"Get up!" He yelled as he reached the bottom. "Get up because I promise that you'll want to see this!" He burst out to the outside and headed down the steps, and now everyone was following.

"What the hell is going on here?" Saitou yelled as Shoji reached the bottom. Most of the men were still on the steps, trying to get a good view.

"Would you look at this!" Shoji commented holding up Kahei's arm. "We've been fooled!"

"Kahei!" Yahiko and Sano exclaimed at the same time.

"Leave him alone!" Sano added on the end.

"Him?" Shoji asked. "Really? From what I see, Kasuhige Kahei…" He threw her down into the mud. "IS A GIRL!" She lost grip of her gi, and was now laying in nothing but bandages and her underwear. In a rush for time, Kenshin had not tied them very well, but had she had a shirt on, it would have been hidden. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

The whole crowd gasped.

"He's nothing but a slutty little female!" Shoji was thoroughly enjoying her humiliation. "Little bitch!" He kicked her.

"MY NAME IS KAORU!" She yelled at him.

Yahiko and Sano looked completely shocked. Yahiko stumbled and fell back against Sano before hurrying back up the steps. Where he was going, she knew. It was as if he had read her mind.

She pulled herself onto her hands and knees. "I am Kamiya Kaoru…"

"Why would your name make any difference to me?" Shoji asked, laughing.

Saitou looked sincerely angry, taking hold of his blade.

"Damn you, Shoji!" Kenshin yelled, pushing his way through the crowd. Sano grabbed his wrist.

"Did you know about this, man?"

"Not until yesterday, now let go!" He told Sanosuke.

"My name will make a difference to you, Shoji…" Kaoru told him, standing up completely. "…because you'll want to remember the name of the one who beat you in battle!"

She held her hand out.

"Kaoru, catch!" Yahiko yelled, heaving her weapon to her from the steps. She caught it with incredible ease.

Shoji laughed even more heavily. "You're going to fight ME! He drew his blade and slashed her too quickly for her to react.

"AGH!" She cried as a small tear appeared in her bandages and her whole front began turning red.

"If you do so much as attack me, I have the right to kill you. I am not only your superior here, but you're not even supposed to be here! I knew there was something about you, and I'd bet for sure now that you're the spy that's been ratting us out!"

This sent the men into a frenzy, and Yahiko, Sano, Kenshin, and Saitou were shoved over in the mob. They all went after her with fiery anger in their eyes.

She didn't know what to do. She drew her sword and tried to fend off their attacks, but there were too many of them. They were cutting her up, and she'd only manage to dodge them from lopping off her limbs.

"No! I'm not a spy!" She yelled.

"RYUSOSEN!"

Several of the men were hit by Kenshin's attack. He seemed to have changed a bit to effect several opponents at once. His golden demon eyes struck fear into his attackers.

Saitou got into his gatotsu stance. "Sagara."

"What!" He yelled angrily. Why would Saitou want to talk to him?

"Come here. I've got a plan!"

Yahiko grabbed Kaoru and pulled her away from the chaos, getting quite a bit cut up too.

Saitou attacked Shoji, and he dodged it. "What are you doing, Hajime!" He yelled.

"YOU MISSED, YOU BASTARD!" Yahiko yelled, waving his fist at Saitou.

"Did I?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"FUTAI NO KIWAMI!" Sano had slid up on Shoji while he had dodged Saitou's attack and punched him in the left shoulder.

In turn, unfortunately, Shoji's sword had gone into Sano's left shoulder.

They both screamed out at the same time, and Megumi's voice howled out in horror. "SANOSUKE!"

Saitou cursed. "Damn…"

"LET GO OF ME, YAHIKO!" Kaoru yelled, elbowing him in the stomach.

Kenshin had easily and successfully knocked a third of them unconscious, and the rest were to afraid to do anything else.

"Step aside," Kaoru said, and they all did. "SHOJI."

Sano screamed again as Shoji removed his weapon from his shoulder.

"I am your opponent," She told him without a single glint of fear in her eyes.

"Kaoru!" Yahiko yelled, running up to her. He was shirtless. "At least take this," He said, handing her his own kimono.

"Thanks," She said, smiling at him and pulling it over her shoulders. He was such a good kid. A girl's decency did mean a lot to her.

"You're really foolish, girl," Shoji said, coming towards her. "What makes you think you can even block my attacks?"

"I've already done so once, haven't I?" She asked. This made him angry.

"Bitch," He scowled.

"Bastard," She replied simply, going into Battou Jutsu stance. Her wounds her, but she concentrated just on the enemy.

"Kaoru," Kenshin said. "Don't do this…"

"Your boyfriend has a point," Shoji said confidently. "He knows you'll be beaten."

"No, no," Kenshin said. "She would beat you fine, but you're a government official, and I don't want her harmed by them."

Shoji attacked her. She blocked his attack by drawing quickly, and the sound of the colliding blades rang through the air.

Megumi rushed to Sano to aide him, and Saitou stepped back to let her, looking rather angry that his plan had failed.

"AGH!" Shoji yelped, his left arm going limp.

Well, almost. At least he couldn't draw both swords at the same time. The fight was fair.

Aoshi stepped up next to Saitou and said in a low voice. "She will not win."

"Don't be pessimistic or anything," Saitou replied flatly.

"I'm thinking logically. She will not win, and she will not die."

"Himura and I would probably slash him through first."

"You and Battousai will not be the ones to save her. Just watch to see."

Kaoru broke his stance while he was distracted by his arm and sliced open the front of his shirt. A small red line appeared along his chest.

"Is that the best you can do?" Shoji asked, raising an eyebrow and bringing his blade down on her shoulder. Then, just as quickly, he spun and butted her in the stomach with the hilt of his blade.

She vomited blood as she slid backward a few feet. To think the man could make a blow with such force was almost unfathomable. He fought brutally, and it wasn't that of a man who worked for the government. Even Saitou had calmed his bloodlust she was sure after hearing stories of the Shinsengumi. Then again, those were only stories.

Shoji came at her again, and she held the sword in both hands, something he couldn't do, blocking each attack to the best of her ability. Everyone on the battlefield just watched, unable to move. Kenshin didn't even seem to be breathing.

"Do you think she'll be all right?" Megumi whispered to Sano.

"I don't know…" He replied, taking hold of her hand. "Let's hope so…"

Kaoru kept blocking when the injured foot from the stairs knocked her off balance, and Shoji slashed her right arm as she fell.

She did a flip back onto her feet and ran at him, snatching up her weapon and colliding it with his.

"You really think you can win?" Shoji spat at her.

"As long as I have two good arms and enough determination to protect the people here, I don't see what could make me lose. You're going down, even if I have to go down with you."

Kenshin spun towards her, looking mortified. He lifted his sword out of the sheath with his thumb, but Yahiko grabbed his shoulder. "She wants to do this on her own. Don't step in until it's absolutely necessary."

"…but…" He mumbled, gritting his teeth, tears forming in his eyes. He feared for her life and had to fight himself to not attack.

Shoji broke the stance and flew downwards. Her slash only managed to slice off a few strands of his hair. His on the other hand cut across her legs and left red line dripping with blood halfway between her ankles and knees. She had barely managed to stop him from cutting her legs off.

She sheathed her weapon and got back into the stance of Battou Jutsu. Her legs trembled from the pain in her body, and she was now covered in her own blood. It was then that a thought struck her.

"You filthy little spy… I'll make you pay for all you've done," Shoji said, smirking. "I'll overcome you. You will die as the weakling you are."

"No…" She whispered, stunned by her revelation. He ran at her and she drew her blade. He dodged it and started laughing.

"Looks like you missed a-" He began when he was interrupted by a sheath nailing him right in the side.

"Souryusen!" Kenshin exclaimed. "I used that in the battle against Jin'e!"

She growled at him as yelped in pain. He did not fall, and he did not drop his weapon, but his side even bled from the force of the sheath against it.

"No!" She yelled. "I'm not the spy!"

"Quit trying to defend yourself with that nonsense!" He retorted.

"Then you quit trying to use me to cover your ass!" She replied. "I'm not the spy because YOU ARE!"

The whole crowd gasped.

"What?" Shoji cried, fear plain on his face. "What would make you think that, you moron! I'm a government official!"

"You're a liar!" Kaoru yelled. "I don't know how you made it this far, but the truth is that you are actually a spy. You follow Shishio's principal that the strong feed off of the weak, and you fight like one of his men! You're brutal and cruel!"

He stared at her. "NO!" He yelled, slicing her down the front. Her body finally had taken its toll as she fell to her knees, bleeding heavily.

"KAORU!" Kenshin screamed, tears flying from his eyes as he ran towards her.

"Don't worry about it, Himura!" A voice said. "This man will die where he stands.

Kenshin turned around and so did Kaoru. "SOUJIROU!" She cried.

"The one and only," He replied, arms crossed from his spot at the top of the stairs.

"Soujirou?" Kenshin gaped, amazed.

"Yeah!" A female voice chimed in, "and Misao too!"

"Misao?" Kaoru asked, now also confused.

"You are not the man they call Shoji," Soujirou said, coming down the steps and drawing his sword. "You are a fraud."

Shoji took a step back.

"The man called Shoji was murdered months ago along with many others who were close to him. In the body count, they couldn't distinguish his body, but I could sense the last ounce of his spirit on him."

Shoji stared at Soujirou in terror.

"You always looked similar and masqueraded as him to gain a seat of power. It was all part of your plan to destroy the weak and take over Japan as Shishio had intended. You were the leader of this operation, one of his leading men that hid in the back while his Ten Swords fought on the front lines. I knew I recognized you from somewhere, eh Tatsumi Koji?"

Shoji looked absolutely mortified. "What are you doing here, Soujirou!"

"I am a spy… but not the one you are. I work for the government. It was a plan crafted up by Shinomori-san."

They all looked at Aoshi who just stood there. "I've fought some of your men head on before this. I know fully well that there aren't as many as estimated."

"Of course not," Soujirou continued. "Many of them were masters of illusion. They could make you think there were double the amount of themselves than there actually were. He wanted all the men to be drafted so he could get rid of them once and for all. He wouldn't have much problem after that, since some of the strongest men were in Tokyo… Including Himura-san."

"Yeah!" Misao shouted. "So the Oniwaban-shu got on the case and came to kick your can! Soujirou just needed the right information from Kaoru-chan and Aoshi-sama before he could be positive that you were an imposter! After he discovered this, it all clicked together!"

Kaoru couldn't believe her ears.

"You were brilliant, Kaoru-chan," Soujirou nodded to her, "but let us take it from here."

"You… You'll never defeat all of my men!" Shoji shouted, his voice trembling.

"Really?" Misao asked. "I thought we already turned them in! Well, most of them anyways. Once their leader is gone, there won't be much for them to do but run, and we'll have them by then."

"You've underestimated Misao-chan's strength, I'm afraid," Soujirou commented, and a smile formed on his face, a wicked one that he must have worn against Kenshin, "and I'm afraid that underestimating me will cost you your life, friend. Have fun in Hell."

…and he slashed him in half.

Kaoru watched in shock, then dropped her weapon as blood flowed down her wrists. "Oh…" She said, falling back. Kenshin was there in an instant to catch her in his arms.

"Kaoru!" He cried, tears rolling down his face.

"Kenshin…" She said, smiling. "Can you believe all this?"

"Kaoru," He put his hand to her face. "Megumi, HURRY!"

Kaoru closed her eyes, smiling. "I love you, Kenshin… so much…"

"Don't talk like that," He choked. "You're going to be all right… Don't die on me, Kaoru, don't die!" He let out a sob.

Her consciousness was slipping away quickly. _No… I won't… I can't… I REFUSE… TO DIE…I will not… let you suffer again… Kenshin… I will live… to save you… always…_

Everything went black.

"**KAORU!**"

(A/N: I think there are two more chapters to go, folks! Is she actually dead though? Find out in the next chapter!)


	25. Twenty Four: To Go Home

Chapter 24: To Go Home

_Kaoru…_

She had returned to her dreamland dojo, but now she stood alone.

"Hello?" She called. Her voice echoed into the distance. "I am… alone now…"

She felt hands slide around from behind her and wrap themselves in hers, but she could not turn or look down.

Closing her eyes, she sighed. "I want to rest now…"

"Do not rest…" A voice whispered in her ear. "You are not finished yet…"

"I am not… finished yet…" She repeated.

"You can go on."

"I can go on."

"Love will save you."

"Love will save me."

"You will go on."

"I will go on."

"You will wake up."

"I will… wake up."

Her eyes slowly opened, and all she could see was the sky looking rather gray. She felt weak.

Her entire body felt cold except for her stomach and hand. She slowly managed to lift her head, and what she saw made her want to cry.

Kenshin had his head down on her stomach, holding her hand. He looked so incredibly hopeless and lost. Never before had she seen him with that much life drained from him, but she knew he had looked that way before… she knew… that with Tomoe…

"My God," Soujirou's voice said to her right. She dropped her head again and rolled her eyes to the right.

"Himura-san…" Soujirou said, tears coming to his eyes. "Kaoru-chan…" A smile formed on his lips.

Kenshin lifted his head, and she watched him. He looked completely dead with his darkened navy eyes. As if chilled with ice, he turned towards her.

His eyes seemed to gain a new light as they widened at sight of her open eyes.

"…Hey…" She whispered, smiling weakly at him. "What's the matter…?"

Kenshin's face screwed up as tears spilled over his lower lashes. "Kaoru…" He sobbed. He scooped her into his arms. "KAORU!"

She laid against his shoulder, smiling softly as she closed her eyes. This was where she had wanted to be.

When she opened her eyes again, she saw Megumi standing there, covering her mouth with her hands and crying also.

"You did it!" Sano shouted cheerfully, throwing his arms around Megumi and spinning her. "You saved her, Megitsune! I knew you could! YEAH!" He stopped spinning her and put her down.

"I don't believe it. It's a miracle," Megumi said, smiling at Sano.

"Miracles come from miracle workers… WOO-HOO!" He spun her again. "I couldn't be happier right now, Megumi!" He then kissed her in mid-spin, froze, and blushed.

Kenshin pulled her away from his shoulder. "Are you going to be all right now?" He took her face in his hands.

She nodded. "Yeah… I'll always be okay… with you at my side… I love you…"

More tears stained his face, and he smiled. "Kaoru… Kaoru, Kaoru…" He leaned in and kissed her, and she could feel herself warming to him.

Soujirou looked away, smiling sadly. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" He whispered to Misao. "True love…"

"Yeah," She said, looking admiringly up at Aoshi who was standing on the other side of her. She took both of their hands. "I hope one day we'll all experience it."

Soujirou smiled at her, and for once, so did Aoshi.

Saitou, who was far away from the rest of the crowd, put a cigarette in his mouth, turned and started to walk away. "Mushy moments aren't really my thing."

Kaoru released her kiss and turned to the steps where Yahiko was coming down, looking horribly solemn with some clothing in hand. When he saw her, he dropped them and tears welled up in his eyes. "Oh, my god… Please tell me that I'm not dreaming…"

She smiled at him, and the grin on her face was so beautiful that it brightened the day.

Yahiko took off at a run. "KAORU!"

She got to her feet and held out her arms, and he threw his around her and wept into her chest. "I thought you were dead! I was so afraid!" He told her, his fingers shaking against her back. "How could you scare me like that! I can't lose you now! You're my family!"

Sano started crying. Megumi stared at him in shock. "I love moments like this," He whimpered. Megumi laughed and tugged his ear.

"You're so dumb, but I guess that's what makes you who you are."

"Yeah, and you can't change who you are."

"Yahiko," Kaoru said into his hair. "You're such a child."

"I know…" He sniffled. "I know… that's why… I can't have my sister leave now…"

Kaoru covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, stop it!" She blubbered. "You're making me cry!"

The group of men had recovered from Kenshin's attacks, and they were all gathered at a corner of the field, staring fearfully at the scene.

Kenshin stood up and dusted himself off, then looked towards them, smiling. "Let's go home, shall we? Sessha believes we've been here long enough…"

"I couldn't want anything more than to go home," Yahiko said, "but even if we weren't… Kenshin… our home is here."

He looked back at him and gave him a bit of a confident smirk. "You're right, Yahiko. Kaoru is our home because without her, we'd still be without one, ne?"

"Isn't she your home too, Sano?" Megumi asked.

"Nah," Sano gave her a noogie. "I like you better." Megumi blushed. "Oh, the kiss didn't effect you, but now you blush."

Megumi chuckled and kissed his cheek.

"Himura-san," Soujirou said, beaming. "I'm afraid that Misao-chan, Shinomori-san, and I must be heading off. We have to go finish off those bastards in Kyoto, but we'll be sure to inform the government to get out here and clean up this mess. You go home and spend time with your family."

"I will," Kenshin said. "Good luck on your missions as well, Soujirou."

"Yeah, I'll be leaving the spy business after this. After all, what's a rurouni supposed to do but wander?"

Kenshin smiled. "You'll have to find out what you do for yourself."

"I'll send you some drawings," Soujirou said as the three marched off.

"BYE, HIMURA! SEE YOU! BYE, KAORU! BYE, YAHIKO! BYE CHICKEN HEAD!" Misao yelled, waving.

Sano pouted at the chicken head line but waved anyways along with anyone else. Kenshin lifted Kaoru into his arms. "You can rest now," He told her. "We'll be home soon."

The word home… Her heart wrenched at the sound of it, and as she closed her eyes, she could see it in her mind. She could see her family all out on the porch, enjoying the sakura blossoms while Ayame and Suzume played in the yard. Yahiko and Sano were arguing over the last rice ball, and Kenshin would say oro when Yahiko's elbow collided with the back of his head. Kaoru herself would be standing by the sakura tree, watching them, and Kenshin would smile at her and summon her to sit next to him. She would, and they would hold hands and watch the sky.

Her eyes opened again, and above her were trees. The road was shaking below her, and she realized that she was in the back of a wagon, her head in Kenshin's lap. He was stroking her hair. She'd been put in a pair of clothing that included a lavender gi and dark purple hakama. She could tell that she was feverish just by waking up, and she figured that was from blood loss. Kenshin smiled down at her. "Go back to sleep…"

All the men were sitting and looking at their feet, some wrapped in blankets, some eating food that had been supplied, but most were just sitting there. The only one not looking at their feet was Yahiko who was looking out the side of the wagon towards where they were headed. She knew that he was imagining Tsubame waiting for him in Tokyo, and he was itching to get back to her.

Sano was asleep against Megumi's shoulder, and she was asleep against his spiky hair.

"Kenshin…" She whispered, tugging on his sleeve.

"What is it?" He asked kindly.

"Where is Saitou…?"

"I guess he didn't want to ride…" Kenshin shrugged. "I saw him earlier. He's not really a crowd person."

"Yeah…" She said, falling asleep again. Kenshin leaned back on the back of the wagon and shut his eyes.

-

"I see it! Everyone look! It's Tokyo!" Yahiko yelled, snapping them out of their slumber. "Look!"

Kaoru pulled her head up.

There it was… The place they had all yearned for. It was the place where they could forget about all that had happened and concentrate on the future, but for some reason, Kaoru was suddenly unsure about all of this. She didn't say anything about it of course, afraid that she would worry someone.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Yahiko cheered, jumping over the edge as soon as they reached town. Everyone else seemed to follow.

Kenshin helped Kaoru down out of the back. "Do you want to go home?" He asked.

"There's something I must do first," She told him. "Wait for me."

"I will."

-

She had to run to keep up with Yahiko, and he burst through Akabeko's door.

Tsubame looked up from the table she was serving just in time to be engulfed in a hug. "TSUBAME!" He shouted.

"Yahiko…" She whispered, then starting to cry. "I was so afraid you wouldn't come back…"

Kaoru stood in the doorway, watching the two young lovers hug each other.

"Hello, may I help you?" Tae-san asked, appearing in the doorway.

"No," Kaoru said, smiling. "I just came to talk to you, Tae."

"Who are you?" She asked innocently. Kaoru realized that she must not have been recognizable.

"It's Kaoru…" She said, blushing. "It's a long story for another day…"

"Tomi is gone… isn't he…"

Kaoru looked up, shocked. "How did you-"

"A woman always knows," Tae replied, winking. "Besides… he didn't have long anyways…"

"He told me… to tell you to love again… and that he'd wait for you up in heaven… He didn't want you to mourn him."

Tae-san nodded. "Of course not… He was always that way, always so full of hope without a single doubt in his mind… I guess he knew that even in death, he would still live on in my heart, and I could find someone else to care for me until we met again."

"I'm sure you will…" Kaoru said. "You'll meet again, and… I'm sure that person who will care for you will show up soon… I bet he's right under your nose."

"Hey!" The door was shoved open. "Has anyone seen a guy with spiky hair and answers to Sanosuke?" Kaoru recognized him as Tsukioka Katsuhiro. "All the guys are back everybody!"

"Did you come all the way from another town to tell us that?" Tae-san asked, looking surprised to see the one and only Tsukioka Tsunan.

"Yeah, I ran the whole way!" He said as if it was some brave accomplishment.

All the women in the Akabeko shoved passed Katsu and onto the street. Kaoru looked out as they all threw their arms around their men whether they be their husbands or sons, and they kissed them and hugged them as they had never before.

"I've got to go now," Kaoru said. "I'll leave Yahiko to his business…" As she walked out, her smile faded.

"I wonder what's the matter with him?" Katsu asked, then glanced at Tae. "Hey, what's the matter with you? Why are you crying?"

"My man isn't coming back," Tae replied, hanging her head.

"Oh…" Katsu mumbled, looking as if he really regretted saying anything. "Hey… err… if you describe him for me… I'll draw you a picture of him so that… you can always see his face…"

"That… would be really nice," Tae said, looking up into his eyes and smiling tearfully. "Thank you very much, Tsukioka-san."

"Please," He said, putting his arm around her. "Call me Katsu."

-

Kaoru walked with Kenshin back to her home, hand in hand, but she did not say anything. Something was itching in the back of her mind.

Kenshin sighed in relief when they opened the gate. "Look… it's just like it was when we left…"

"Things are different now though…" She said letting go of his hand and walking forward. "I'm… gonna go to bed… I really need some sleep…"

"Go ahead," He told her, walking towards the tree.

She looked back to say something to him, but she couldn't when she saw him, spinning around underneath the cherry blossoms, then falling down on his back. "I never thought I'd see this place again!"

She smiled slightly and walked inside.

Feeling home again took over her instantly. She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, looking around the room that she had so desperately longed for. Every room…

Yet, something in her… was not right, and it was not a good feeling…

Kenshin rose his head and then the rest of his upper body and looked at her back as she stood up and walked away toward her room. He thought maybe she was tired, but in the deepest part of his heart, he was concerned that something else entirely was wrong. Yet, he was not about to question her when he knew that she would come to him if she needed him… at least… he hoped…


	26. Epilogue: Between Love and War

Epilogue: Between Love and War

The next few days, Kaoru began to feel worse and worse about herself, and she didn't know why. She confided herself to her room and ate only when she needed to. She'd put on her beautiful kimono again, but now she felt that she was not pretty enough for it. It was binding and constricting to her gain of muscle, and with her hair short, she looked like a drag queen.

She preferred her night robe.

Kenshin was incredibly concerned about her. Something was definitely wrong, and he wanted to find out what, but he did not want to pry her for the answer.

"It's not right," Yahiko told him over a breakfast that Sano had joined. "She shouldn't be in there all day. She's finally home, so she should be enjoying hanging out with us and getting life back to normal, right?"

He had apparently returned to his normal complaining self.

"How many days has it been, eh?" Sano asked. "I think what, a week and a half?"

Kenshin stared at his bowl and shoved it away. "Sessha is going to do the laundry."

He left.

Yahiko smirked. "Poor rurouni is so upset, ne Sano?"

"Lovers are always worried when their loved ones act strangely. I guess Kaoru would have a bit of trouble adjusting, but she should quit this. She's upsetting Kenshin, and he doesn't deserve that," Sano said, snatching Kenshin's bowl.

"Yeah, and you don't deserve that food either," Yahiko scolded.

"Who are you, my mom?" Sano replied. "He's not gonna eat it."

"Stupid," Yahiko mumbled.

-

Kenshin walked around the corner towards the bucket of water but froze.

Kaoru sat alone on the porch, dressed in her kimono, and staring at the cherry blossoms. She looked horribly sad and lonely and drawn into herself. The wind blew their hair and clothing , and the blossom petals fell on them like pink flakes of snow.

"Kaoru…" He said wistfully as he approached.

"What is it?" She asked, and her voice sounded as empty as she looked.

"Sessha was going to ask you that," He told her, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet.

"I'm fine…" She replied, very unconvincingly.

"You can't lie to me," Kenshin said, giving her a half smile.

"It's just… I… well…" She threw her arms in the air and screamed. "I can't take it, Kenshin!"

"Take what?" He asked innocently.

"Me! I…" She looked at him and put her hands to her chest. "I don't know who I am anymore! I can't figure it out! Everything's changed so much that I just don't know anything! I can't even begin to figure out the mess with Shoji, and then there's all the stuff that's happened, and then there's me… I'm caught somewhere between Kahei and Kaoru, and I can't figure out which side I can go back to. Can you really change back into someone you changed from?"

"Kaoru."

"Oh, there's more!" She yelled. "Listen, I have a reason why too! I can't be Kaoru anymore because she was a pretty girl who practiced Kamiya Kasshin-ryu and cooked horrible food and stayed at home to care for her family, but now I'm not pretty anymore, and I can't get up to practice or cook, and I can't take care of you guys, and it's all because Kahei didn't do any of that! And then there's you, Kenshin! My heart keeps telling me that it was real, but my mind keeps telling me that you were pretending so you would make me happy, and I know that's what I told you to do but now… I'm just… I'm not sure…"

"Kaoru," Kenshin stepped closer and held her in his arms. "Sessha can't believe what you've just said. It's nonsense."

"Wh- It's not nonsense!" She retorted, pushing him back.

Kenshin chuckled. "Yes, it is… You see… He took her hands in his and kissed the top of them. "Kaoru is Kaoru. She has always been and always will be the beautiful girl who practiced Kamiya Kasshin-ryu, cooked horrible food, and stayed at home to care for her family. You can change what happens in your life, but you can never change who you are on the inside."

"…but…" She whispered, staring deeply into his amethyst eyes.

"As for me…" He leaned close to her ear and said in a low voice. "Sessha would never pretend about such a thing, Kaoru… Sessha would never have given himself to you if he did not feel the same way about this intelligent, incredibly beautiful, wonderfully gifted, incredibly brave, amazing in every way woman that he owes everything to."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Sessha loves you, Kaoru…"

"Oh… Kenshin…" She pressed her lips against his, and he giggled slightly.

"Don't cry now, Kaoru… Everything's going to be all right…"

This was a happy moment, so she shouldn't have been crying, but she was.

Yet, it was a different cry. These would be the last tears of loneliness she would ever cry. This was the end of it forever, for she'd found someone to share life with.

She knew that one day, he would probably leave her again to protect people or help out, and he would be gone, but she knew that he would always come back. A war may arise again, and he would have to go, but the next time, she would stay and wait for him and love him. Both of them now knew that they did not have to pick one or the other. They could meet in the middle and go from there, together.

Between love and war, they would never lose faith and always love one another until the day they were parted by death.

Fin

Woo! The end! Well, it's kind of bittersweet because now it's over, and I can't write on it anymore… That's okay though, since now I can start my next group of Kenshin stories and hopefully finish "Just Your Average Teenage Samurai" too. This is one of my very favorite stories, and I really love you guys for sticking with me until the very end. Wow… 176 pages and 24 chapters, a prologue and an epilogue later, and I can't believe it's finally done… Amazing… I hope you'll enjoy my next stories too, and I'm really glad if you enjoyed this one because I certainly enjoyed writing it for you. Thanks for reading.

Yahiko-chan


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